a prayer for renewal

[prismaticbleed]

Lord, what is my new name?

Do You want me to be Red? Do You want me to abandon White?

Do You want me to be a girl or a boy inside? Both?

Am I to stop being a father? Am I to stop being a partner? How much do You want me to leave behind?

Who do YOU want me to be in this nascent era?

I cannot see the future. I am too tangled up in the past. I do not know what You need me to do, or be, or feel, or think. 

I cannot discern Your Will on my own. Even worse, I cannot seem to discern Your Voice in the matter. I am too overwhelmed by pain & fear & regret & anger & despair. 

Whoever You recreate me as now, please, I beg of You-- make me someone who can love. I want to be able to love as YOU do, to serve & comfort & guide & counsel, to protect & encourage & assist & accompany, to forgive & heal & repair & worship. I want to be able to live 100% FOR YOUR GLORY.

Does that mean leaving my heartfamily behind?

Does that mean sacrificing my sense of self?

Lord, only You know what I should, and must, do.

Only You can make me new.

I cannot do it. That is the Spirit's Prerogative, forever and exclusively. 

So, I surrender everything I am to You. 

Give me a new face. Give me a new name. Give me a new life.

Make me an instrument of Your Peace.

Amen.