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[prismaticbleed]

 

We discovered two more members of our system tonight, after months of unsuccessful attempts to do just that.

One is inhuman (snakelike), and one is a human female. Both are positive (thank God), but the human one is noteworthy in that she appears to be the REAL fronter of the system-- she actually identifies with the body, and has no problem driving at all (both points are completely new to us, as most of our current members have severe body dysphoria in one sense or another).
The snakelike alter is very primal, only speaking in broken English and not comprehending the human form very well. We've also discovered that this is the voice that keeps vomiting when it comes out (we used to think that was Spine but even she was confused by the compulsion; apparently it was being rerouted to her level). However it insists that this behavior is meant to protect the body from Razor so we're not complaining too much.

Speaking of, tonight also clarified Razor's presence in our system. She's the most dangerous "alter" up here, to both the people upstairs and anyone she comes in contact with downstairs. She's existed in sporadic bursts since 2008, but has only been gaining real strength since 2010, when Jewel began stabilizing (Razor seems very opposed to his presence). At least now we're aware of what makes her come out, so we can be extra careful in the future (she's normally forbidden from fronting).

We still don't know whether or not Kyanos is still alive. We think he came out a few days ago, but we can't be sure.
The same goes for the old voice from 2002-2005(?) that went by both the "Jewel" and "Celebi" names. It seems to be trying to reform, although it's vacillating between positivity and negativity right now. We're keeping a close eye on it.

In any case we're all quite exhausted from today's events. We have a therapy session on Tuesday that will hopefully shed some more light on the past abuse suffered by this body, so wish us luck in dealing with that.


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@ 10:49 pm


A few "new" alters came out today. It was a very frightening and disorienting experience, but at least now I have explanation for a lot of the weird things that have been happening to the body lately.
I have "new" in quotations because one of these alters came out once before, in October, another has been "suspected" for a long time and finally made herself known, while yet another seems to be "reforming" after many years of damage and deterioration.
There's also a fourth that came out a few days ago, but that one may be a little, and it seems to be either dying or incredibly unstable.

The biggest thing I learned tonight was this: it's been confirmed that I'm NOT the main system frontrunner, and I shouldn't feel pressured to be? That takes a lot of stress off my back, but it's also somewhat worrisome, to now be relegated to mostly indirect communication. Oh well. Whatever works.

In any case I'm not going to worry about that tonight. Therapy is on Tuesday, class is tomorrow, and I want to listen to music right now. I just found this gorgeous song, which is perfect as our system is sometimes called the "Spectrum" as well.
Speaking of, we've all agreed that we're going to share my old Last.fm account now. I've just made playlists for everyone, so we can keep track of our favorite songs separately from each other.

I've been spending a lot of time with Infinitii lately as he helps keep the bad Black energy upstairs away from me (it's been giving me a lot of waking nightmares lately). I love him a lot, and I'm glad he exists with us now, despite the excruciating pain I had to endure as a result of him being literally ripped out of my energy field, haha.

I'm looking for a glass bubble necklace to buy, so I can carry him around with me downstairs too (he said he could do that if I find one that's compatible). I'd really like that as he's a big help, and I've been such a mess lately that Laurie has made a new temporary rule that "someone must be with be at all times," either ghosting or upstairs, to prevent hacks or hijacks. Genesis usually takes care of that, but when he gets moody he sometimes disappears for days, and that's when we need to be extra careful.
I'm also going to start making a sort of "charm bracelet" for all the system members, for whoever is driving to be aware of them at all times. I don't know how long that will take, but the system agrees that it would help, so I'll start tomorrow.


As I said though, I do have class tomorrow, so off I go to the Apprenticeship. Heaven knows I could use a reprieve from the waking world right about now.