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prismaticbleedI deeply apologize if this is a triggering subject for anyone, but I am currently suffering through some very bad 'flashbacks' to abusive situations I've had in the recent past, at the hands of a malevolent alter.
The attacks started when I was about 12, were sexually abusive, and were merciless to the point of traumatizing me. As it was 'inner' abuse, I could not run or find a 'safe place' to be, and refused to tell anyone about the situation, be they a benevolent fellow alter or not. The attacks continued almost regularly right up until last August, when I finally managed to get a decent grip on the situation and put a stop to most of it.
Despite no longer being abused by this alter, the pain she caused me is still more than I can take most days. I am still having nightmares about it, and lately I've been having 'sensory flashbacks,' where my body will suddenly 'remember' the exact state I was in during the abuse: mentally, emotionally, and physically. Triggers make this worse for me, and they are unavoidable, as I cannot police the behavior of others and have no wish to. Nevertheless this is becoming more than I can handle. It is again interfering with my classes and job, as well as my general well-being.
I am currently seeing a therapist for unrelated issues but he does recognize that I have PTSD and wants to deal with it. However I am afraid of even hinting at the non-corporeal nature of my past abuse, no matter how clearly I felt it. I have been trying to deal with this on my own for the past 5+ years, thanks to my current headgang offering unfailing support, but although that has helped me stop the worst of it, this situation persists, and I feel suffocated.
I had an emotional meltdown on Tuesday that almost resulted in unconscious suicide, and that scared me so badly I've decided not to keep quiet about this anymore.
As a result I have come here to ask for any advice I can get. What would you suggest I do to heal from this, and/or to prevent the 'flashbacks' from hitting me so badly?
Any and all help is deeply appreciated; thank you so much.
