HEADSPACE MOVIE MARATHON

Okay, really quick update about recent movies before we watch another one.

(continuous update; keeping public because this is what's getting us through the heathell of july)



#1 THE SECRET OF KELLS (0713)
(wrote about this already, possibly copypaste?)

BIGGEST AFFECTS:
- the unique, simple yet intricate visuals. They were very striking & creative.
- the war scene, with all the red. It felt genuinely apocalyptic.
- the moment we see Brendan's first really microdetailed work, that little circle. The sudden beauty of it, such a small thing, was powerful.
- the fact that CELLACH KEPT IT. that final scene in general was so sweet.


#2 THE LITTLE PRINCE (0715)
we wrote a bit about this already but it touched us deeply, so do write more.

BIGGEST AFFECTS:
-"this board IS you" DISTURBED us SO much. Hit way too close to home with childhood memory, which made it even worse. 
-the absolute sweetness & soft-heartedness of the aviator as an old man
-his INDOMITABLE hope & optimism, remember the paper plane
-childhood is more than just trying to "become an adult"
-the sheer indispensable value of play & wonder & imagination
-chaos is creative
-the horrors of adult vices. the "conceited man" and the elevator king and the businessman who bought the stars just to take them from everyone else. the fact that the little prince himself was fading because he FORGOT childhood.
- the fact that HE NEEDED A REMINDER to remember and there was STILL HOPE for him as a result. so too for us.
- the glow in the dark stars on the fox. the wheat line was not in the film, but something about that glowing spoke so similarly.


#3 WEATHERING WITH YOU (0716)
No big highs or lows here, but still a nice film.
Noticed we unconsciously present in Suga's style? WHY is that vibe what we tend to give off? His is not a personality we want to adopt! So what is it, the "cool and independent" assumption?
...
The most impressive thing about this film was the scenery-- not just the sprawling labyrinth of Tokyo, shot through with winding alleyways and neon lights and overcluttered living spaces, but also the WEATHER. It made me realize just how beautiful and terrible and powerful rain really is, and the immense impact weather in general has on people. One quote from the film stood out so strongly to me: effectively, "i realized how much the human heart is connected to the sky."
...
This movie was also interesting for its honest look into Japanese culture, which frequently jars us, but which is still informative to get a glimpse into, as to what the rest of the world is like. It's still genuinely distressing to see the lack of apparent societal Christian values, which sounds very prudish but it's true. Nevertheless, there were sparks of said values in the heart of the film, which is the most important thing: the invincible love of found family, the courageous drive to protect others, the driving hope of becoming a better person, caring enough to grieve the lost, doing sincere kindnesses to strangers. That's all textbook Christian, and yet here it all is, amidst talk of "dragon gods" and "sunshine girls." That's proof that God can, and is, known inherently in the human heart. All you hyperreligious 'foni, take note.
BIGGEST AFFECTS:
-the song lyrics, with Chaos 0 & I.
-the drive to be a man in the way hodaka learned to be
-the drive to have the amount of self-sacrificial compassion hina honestly personified
-the beginning scenes with hodaka homeless, the tragedy of aloofness, & the value of simple kindness
-the idea that there's a whole other ecosystem in the sky
-the emphasis on "the world is just going back to how it was before we settled here"; temporary yet precious life
-hodaka's prayer


#4 PATEMA INVERTED (0717)
This movie gets special recognition for hitting us with like THREE plot twists that threw us completely for a loop. Although, like many anime films, there were a ton of unanswered questions and you get thrown into the plot headfirst-- without much foundation; you have to piece it together as you go-- we were intrigued enough by the bizarre premise to be drawn into the drama.
Still, that's probably our biggest complaint about this movie: it felt very rushed, plot-wise? Patched together, almost. We never felt like we knew enough, or had enough information, to really "get" what was happening. Same with the characters-- there was no time, or sufficient backstory, to really know ANY of them. So that was disappointing.
Gender notes: we want to look/act like Lagos, as "Jay," but the Jewels vibed more with Porta. I find that fascinating. They both have different aesthetics & virtue emphases, but both deeply value that loyalty & courage.
Spoilery notes: the whole concept of "sinners" was so confusing UNTIL THE END, and then it was like OH DUDE I GET IT. Literally the whole film, the only people who are acting as "sinners"-- being cruel and inhumane-- don't even realize that in themselves. Their morality is so hollow and superficial that they are ready to damn others based on "chance," not realizing the entire foundation of that morality is completely misinformed. So that was a very powerful message.
A few standout bits: Patema seeing the stars for the first time, her and Age just embracing to walk (something deeply sweet about that total cooperative trust), the Nausicaa-esque opening scene, complete with dust.
The villain in this film was deeply disturbing, not just for his religious hypocrisy, but for his power obsession. THAT is what made him scary. He would willingly torture and torment a child just to see the look of desperate horror in her eyes when she realized her life was in his hands. That's a terrifying man. He wanted to BE "God," in a very wrong way. 

BIGGEST AFFECTS:
-the absolute screwing-around with one's entire perception of reality, up & down constantly flipping
-the final scene with the CITY RUINS. it was so gorgeous.


#5 PROMARE (0718)
Man what a fun film. Too much raw action for our personal tastes, but the VISUALS, MAN. That alone made sitting through the extended fight scenes fascinating. SO MUCH CMYK. Honestly we kept pausing just to get a grasp on what the current palette & style choices were, because it was so interesting to the eye.
Galo. Man he is SUCH a great dude. We love characters like him-- loud airheads with a heart of solid gold and a soul of FIRE(FIGHTING) haha. He's just too good-hearted to do wrong, and that unabashedly pure-burning personality literally saves the world. Call it cliched but we LOVE that trope.
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Lio's "promare armor" completely shook us when he first appeared, because he looks like Infi. We had to pause that a few times, too.
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I love how Trigger has already made at least two anime where the plot is "what if this everyday object was ALIENS" and it's so absurd that it works. Childhood us would go bonkers for this stuff haha. Honestly we appreciate that wild originality, and want to emulate it in essence.
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As for gender vibes, in this film it was instantly GUEIRA that Jewel latched onto. She's got something for those lower-lid eyelashes, I'm telling you. Also I just noticed-- in the wiki, Gueira's outfit is LITERALLY something we would have worn in 2015-2019, studs and leather & all. I'm dead serious. And obviously his hair is like an amped-up version of our wild fluff already, haha.

BIGGEST AFFECTS:
- lio's dragon form weeping, like chaos 0
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- freakin' TERRAFORMER WEAPON, that was ingenious and terrifying
- that reviving "kiss," love that it was friendship + breath + fire + faith that brought that kid back
- bendy perspectives, saturated hues, colored lines, etc. stylin'


All right, now we're gonna rewatch The Boy and the Beast so the Chizu re-marathon OFFICIALLY STARTS NOW, haha. Cheers!


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#6 MIRAI (0719)
I actually dislike this movie. That's notable
Deeply disturbed by the family vibe, the incredibly petulant & egotistic child, the flat-affect mother, the milksop father. It's harsh language but that's the immediate thoughts we had, which we must admit.

- the boy HITTING HIS SISTER WITH A TOY TRAIN. TWICE. disturbing. reminded us of the awful violent hate we felt towards our baby siblings around age 4, with the "baby eater" monsters. remember that flashbulb memory of sitting on the attic steps drawing one, and suddenly knowing this was wrong, that this was evil even, and why was i doing it? did i actually want this? no. shocking clarity, thanks holy ghost
- the dog as a human. very amused by his overall demeanor.
- disturbed by the motorcycle/horse scenes.
- SO SO SO DISTURBED BY THE MOTHER. blank stare, NO EMOTIONS, terrible child. PRETENDING TO CRY. ghastly.
- VERY DISTURBED BY EVERYTHING WITH THE TRAIN

BIGGEST AFFECTS:
- the TREE as a "timeline connection" thing. look up phrase used, it was VERY celebi vibe.
- "our present, even our lives, are all the result of a million tiny decisions that others made" basically. sweet & humbling & challenging to integrity too.


#8 THE BOY AND THE BEAST (0720)
enjoyed this movie entirely.
SO MUCH WARMTH.

- bunny emperor is supercool, admire his personality so much
- monkey guy is jewel's aesthetic again. girl what is with you
- the BANTER. so interested by that dynamic of teacher/student but arguing affectionately??? very masculine bit, we want this out of life, we want that solidity of self TO do so
- upset by philosophy/morality of film. felt so unanchored, too relative, floaty. like no real greater purpose or plan.
- same with the girl's life and aims?? felt just... hollow somehow. like she was studying so hard for what end? what was her thought of the afterlife? everything was just school.

BIGGEST AFFECTS:
- THE SWORD INSIDE YOUR HEART
- moby dick reference? about the whale as a mirror of the protagonist's internal struggle
- the look that kumatetsu got when he was offhandedly considered a father figure to kyu for the first time. hit me right in the chest why don't you
- that awful shadow at the beginning, in the billboard, saying "i'll kill them" over and over. we have kakofoni like that. it's terrifying.


#9 WOLF CHILDREN (0722)

- still thunderstruck by the dogged (pun intended) maternal love shown by hana in EVERYTHING. this woman would literally move the world for her children. it's amazing.
- freakin' love grandpa nirasaki. lowkey want to be like that on some level. laurie personifies a good deal of that at heart, haha.

BIGGEST AFFECTS:
- the scene where Yuki eats the silica gel and her mom is literally stuck between calling a pediatrician or a vet. That was heartbreaking.
- when the father dies and the garbage men just irreverently throw him into the truck. the total lack of audio in that scene was just as jarring.
- the SNOW RUN SCENE. it felt like it was filmed in heartspace. and that gorgeous deep blue sky after!
- similarly, that one shot when ame & sensei run through the woods and into the stony wide-open area? and they run onto this whiterock steppe with flowers and it looks JUST LIKE DIAMEW. we did a literal doubletake.


#10 MITCHELLS VS THE MACHINES (0723)
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oddly disappointed by this movie? way too much immature, hyper, "meme" humor. also that horrid "90s cartoon" aesthetic which we despised even growing up (thank God our family wouldn't let us watch tv anyway until we were almost a teen; we were saved from the poisonous exposure).
nevertheless, the core message was about family, and the value of it, despite all its foibles, and coming from a very broken and dysfunctional family, seeing the warmth and perseverance of this fam despite all odds & oddities was really touching.

BIGGEST AFFECTS:
- the "weakness" popups. that's what helped soften our heart towards katie actually.
- when PAL was berating humankind, notably how carelessly we treat our technology & how entitled we act towards its service, and paralleling this with a gutpunch rebuke of our modern tendency to "throw out people" when they become "obsolete" and "unentertaining" etc.
- the father, despite allegedly being that unfortunate "goofball loser" stereotype, ACTUALLY having a heart of gold & willing to TRY & LEARN and would do anything for his kids. really great arc with him.
- genuinely disturbed when the mom went maniacal on the robots, to protect her kids. yes it was apparently a show of "maternal love will kick your ass" in an exaggerated sense, but... those wild eyes, that shouting, it was all way too similar to what happens to US when we're in violent ragestates. too close for comfort. wrong motive, same end. that shook us. gotta think about that one.


#11 MUNE (0723)
...
a little rant here, forgive us.
What struck me was that we originally watched this in CNC, but we have no memory of it, EXCEPT this awful knifestab grief at hearing TBAS watching it as we were making breakfast?? it feels like a nightmare, like we were outside of our body. and they kept saying that the movie was "our exact vibe" effectively. like it looked like it came out of our head. but they wouldn't pause it. they wouldn't wait for us. they just didn't care. they kept watching and saying things that amounted to "oh you're missing such a good movie, you'd love this so much". WHY DIDN'T THEY WAIT.
little things like that, little careless omissions, rejections, ignorances... those were what eventually clued us in that they didn't really love us as we thought they did. it wrecked us. we still aren't over it.
anyway. i mention this because it also feels like they told us who our favorite character should be??? is this true? it sounds plausible. we obeyed every suggestion of theirs like a puppet, enthusiastic yet hollow.
this is no time to type about that boy
ANYWAY our favorite character is actually sohone. he's great. we seem to have a penchant for that character type haha. yule is a close second, for the same reason apparently. sweet & wise old dudes.
BUT some part of us DOES like phospho. which is interesting to feel that there's DIFFERENT PEOPLE chiming in with "faves" here. i like that. speak up guys your heart matter too
...
Some little things about the film:
- really loved the TEXTURES!!! especially glim & sohone.
- struck me how Mune moved like a SPIDER, especially with his legs, how he sat.
- freakin' character design jackpot here, seriously. All the shapes and colors and cool silhouettes. very inspiring. plus everyone is either REALLY COOL or REALLY CUTE, which is a nice bonus, haha.
- honestly we do love this movie, for its heart. There is a DEPTH beneath the surface, in the richness of the world that we don't see, the lore & the people, the possibility and the ideas of future adventures.

BIGGEST AFFECTS:
- yule playing the moon harp. that little scene was very beautiful.
- when the moonbeast went mad and everything turned RED. that felt like headspace apocalypses. it was terrifying.
- sohone and the snakes, and how they were goading him into this horrific black rage and how THAT was apparently more deadly than even necross???? did we hear that right?? either way it hit WAY too close to home
- the dream scene when mune apparently becomes his world's SANDMAN, man now THAT hit me like a truck
- necross having the lava/water coming from his HEART, said a lot symbolically


#12 FROM UP ON POPPY HILL (0724)
Movies like this are both sweet in terms of their everyday simplicity, and completely alienating on the same terms.

- we NEVER had a "school experience," let alone ANYTHING as social & populous a life or family as this, so that was fascinating to see.

BIGGEST AFFECTS:
- the climactic plot-clincher scene on the boat. although there were still the mysteries of these lives, that intersection revealed was just so satisfyingly put together, and so heartwarmingly too.
- that painter girl with the glasses (Sachiko Hirokoji). she was ADORABLE.
- just the scenery of the town, notably that FANTASTICALLY STEEP HILL and the bikeride down it. wonderful stuff. the whole setting was both familiar & adventurous. love the ocean view. we want to learn what this was based off of so we can visit such a place.


#13 AKIRA (0724)
Perhaps I'm 30+ years too young to understand why this is such a cult classic, but it struck me as terribly overrated. Nevertheless, I was impressed by the animation quality, especially the "lipflap" accuracy and the almost superfluous fluidity of some scenes (Tetsuo grappling with the hospital blankets notably).

-LOTS of violence. disturbingly frank about it too.

BIGGEST AFFECTS:
- the bedroom "nightmare" scene with the toys. that stands out in our head as being way too close to our own "psychotic" events in the past.


#14 GRAVE OF THE FIREFLIES (0725)
The most striking thing about this movie, to us, was how invisible and gutwrenching the tragedy of it actually was.
Here are two children, orphaned by war, starving to death, wanted by no one, and therefore unseen by all. They suffered and struggled and even in their literal deaths they were treated as dust and tossed aside.
But they were people. They were alive and precious and trying so hard to help each other just to live. And no one saw their story unfold. No one saw it end. Not truly. Not the way it was presented to us, in its awful actuality.
...
our dvd player likes to randomly freeze & skip through scenes, so there were a few fragments lost (it's always at key points, which is bizarre). one was when the girl was digging the titular firefly grave, another was when the boy was speaking to the man in the rice field, another was in the doctor's office i believe.

BIGGEST AFFECTS:
- the absolute survival-driven aloofness everyone had towards these two dying children.
- running INTO the freaking air raid JUST to get food for his sister.
- how quickly war can completely destroy a life. the SPEED of the air raids. shook us.
- the fruit drop tin.


#15 CASTLE IN THE SKY (0726)
AT LAST!
This was the last one we wanted to watch before Lent but the library DVD we got then didn't work in our player (it was one of those PC-special-feature ones?), but we got the Bluray from a different library this time and it worked fine, so this felt like "picking up where we left off" in a way, which was nice, because this whole year has been one crisis/recovery attempt loop after another, and we're still not back to a stable state, but we're getting there, day by day, grace by grace.
...
but oh man we enjoyed this one SO MUCH.
Something we really love about Ghibli movies is how everyone feels like a person. Like, even if they're a background character, there's still a charm to them that makes them feel like they, too, could be "in a Ghibli movie," as it were.
The visuals were gorgeous, as always.
...
Sheeta looked so much like a young Jewel, and she sounded more than a little bit like Klonoa, and the crystal was being called a "宝石" SO YEAH. It honestly felt like seeing a reflection of our smaller soul onscreen. That was surreal as much as it was heart-pullingly endearing.
We freakin' LOVE PAZU though. We kept thinking, in unique comparison to Sheeta being like the Jewels, Pazu was how we theoretically could be/ wanted to be in our more masculine (yet notably androgynous!!) selfhood? Note there is a DIFFERENCE between childhood & adulthood for BOTH genders, a HARD SPLIT-- there is NO "aging" in nousfoni, it breaks them. Nevertheless, if we had to be a boy child, we'd want to be like Pazu. His voice even sounded so much "like us" somehow. It was all so interesting. But God bless that kid and his intrepid yet goofy heart, he was so great.
Mama Dola was also such a unique character, and unexpectedly charming as well. Gotta love those pink pigtails too.

BIGGEST AFFECTS:
- The scene where Pazu wakes up and plays the trumpet call to announce the dawn light in the valley. The visuals of that scene were just so beautiful, with the sunrise spilling over the hills, and the birds flying through the sky, and Sheeta waking up to that quiet house and golden music just outside.
- the ROBOTS, on the island, and how they were just so gentle, saving the birds nest and putting tiny pink flowers on gravestones. That soft compassion in an automaton is absolutely what we want to show in the Leagueworlds of that sphere.
- the UNDERGROUND CAVE. Oh man I almost forgot. When the kids first went down there it pinged Wreckage and she was so moved by its beauty, ESPECIALLY when all the Volucite lit up and it looked like little galaxies. I think she actually teared up; she was saying how she wanted our Chthonic realms to look like that, for their hidden yet real beauty to be manifest somehow, because she too knew it was in there.
- We watched the Japanese original audio, but we watched one of the bonus features in English and there was this one line from Sheeta that only existed in the English dub: "No matter how many weapons you have, no matter how great your technology might be, the world cannot live without love." ...That hits straight to the chest. Please remember that.


*ahem*

#16 SUMMER WARS!!!!!!!!!!!!! (0727)
we waited until the ACTUAL feast day had ended to watch this because it's CELEBRATION TIME SON

We forgot why this movie ended up being so high on our all-time list. It moves us to tears. That is RARE and must be treated reverently.
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BIGGEST AFFECTS:
- EVERYTHING, SERIOUSLY DUDE
- KING KAZMA. i am warning you know that bunnyboy has OUTSPACER ROOTS ALREADY, he has shadowfronted already, that is INSANE.
- GRANDMA SAKAE. oh lord i didn't realize how much she was like our grandmother. even worse? she died in her sleep, at age 90, on her birthday. our grandma died in her sleep, at age 90, a week after her birthday. too close.
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BANJO THE WOODPILE CAT (0804)

TERRIFIED of the sparklecat trio, haha. honestly though. they had no ears and bottom-heavy designs and something about them literally SCARED US.


TITAN A.E. (0804)

preen and his disturbingly handsome lanky self and monstrous grin. creepy as all heck but still, fascinating to watch.

INSIDE OUT (0805; DVD STUCK)

gonna reborrow this and rewatch it.

FINDING DORY (0807)

this movie meant more to us now that we have a beloved octopus in central, haha.
still hit home overall though, with the message of disability/ trauma, and "found family" WITHIN that circle, as well as birth family who loves you, honestly we were in tears.

deleted scenes had one line that slammed into us like a truck
"i'm worth remembering!!"

THE BAD GUYS (0808)

this one's for you grandma.
still love this movie to bits. so much fun to watch, the animation is GOLDEN.
nevertheless, forget trucks, this message hit us like an airplane.
barry and mimic were both commenting on it with jay and chaos 0.
julie and laurie too.
man so many of us resonate with the "redemption arc against all hope" bit.

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NEED TO REWATCH ROTG

NEED TO WATCH BOTH THE SONIC MOVIES

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ABSOLUTE FINAL MOVIE BEFORE WE STOP FOR A WHILE:


#?? BELLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (08--)
This movie was the crown jewel of the novena last year. Just like Summer Wars opened it with that rabbitpunch of hope, Belle concluded it all as the sparkling twilight embraced the basilica crowds, as we watched the stars appear with A Million Miles Away singing in our chest.

(will watch on Saturday; got sick on Friday & had to reschedule)

BIGGEST AFFECTS:
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071923

 
Up for SHJ Mass. Klonoa alarm, deeply soothing.
Needed it because of CNC dream hack flat nightmare

Jade pickup. Listening to Milliontown
Car talk focused on gender. very upsetting, disturbing
At one point she referenced the BARKING. Said it was because of a visceral rage-hate at her identity feeling threatened? And her thought process was-- and I quote-- "KILL IT."
ALSO said that if her therapist continued to deny her hormones because she was suicidal, she'd have to "mess him up" and next time would "bring her knife."
YEAH. And yet she Cannot comprehend why we were/all scared of her when she'd be so unstable.

Wegmans stop
MASSIVE MENTAL SPACE DIFFERENCE between social mode & internal anchoring. We'd never FELT that in such sudden succession before. Disturbing.
Hard to stay stable in store. Genesis & Laurie helping, reminding me to use ANCHOR OVERLAYS to stay in body.
At one point Laurie was telling me not to do something? And she reached out to move my face towards her. This did stop me, but it also was a bit triggering-- too soft. She noticed & admitted & apologized for this, but it still worked... so she immediately shifted to grab the hair at the back of my head to lift me up a bit, just that slight violence. Well let me tell you that LIT my heart UP. Immediately brought me back into myself, shut down social inanity.

Got figs for car emergency food. Struck me just how MANY foods have "trauma terror" attached to them. Our past is a terrible shambles in that regard; how did we ever live??

Waiting for jade now. Hoping we'll be able to make it to Saint Anne's on time.

"A man of discernment, meditating on the healing Divine Providence, bears with thanksgiving the misfortunes that come to him. He sees their causes in his own sins, and not in anyone else. But a mindless man, when he sins and receives the punishment for it, considers the cause of his misfortune to be God, or people, not understanding God's care for him." (St. Maximus the Confessor)
...So many of our thriskefoni think like that. They literally think that every single little thing "bad" that happens is GOD PUNISHING US. They have this mindset that God is "bullying them" or "pushing them around," never seeing Him as gentle or kind or merciful, ONLY as a brutalizer. Yes we were raised that way but it's FALSE and TOXIC and we NEED to heal this.
...It's actually so much easier, and weirdly reassuring, to see misfortunes simply as consequences of our sins? Of course we don't want to sin, and their reality is terrifying, but... seeing the cause & effect is so much more sensible than thinking God is just treating us like a punching bag. Nope, it's just our own stupidity coming back to bite us. God's the one holding that rabid dog back, so that we don't get as chewed up & spit out as we rightly deserve. We forget that.

MADE IT for Eucharist at Novena!
Traffic killed me haha
Eiffel tower sermon, we presumed the point was "I said no because I had thought I had already seen it all" = blinded self to possibility of miracles & beauty & wonder even in what he considered commonplace, or cliche, or overhyped, etc. Actual punchline was "i said no to seeing it because i was afraid of heights" and THAT robbed him of the experience of joy. Hit hard, thinking of "fear of heights" symbolically, and applying it as such. we're guilty of that too. why?

Home for 1pm

Mimic smirking about the water bottles "knowing their hour is coming"
ALSO in car to octopath theme, to Barry: "I don't have to follow that path anymore"? FREEDOM. Saying he was detaching from his past so much that he no longer remembered what it was like TO be that villain, and he was HAPPY. Never thought he'd feel like this, or have a blank slate future hope. Actually smiling, almost teary.
Barry pondering this.  Is it because you have another world to go to? Wondering where HE would fit, and how-- unlike Mimic, he was rather strongly tied to his Canon self? Limitedly so but still. What would he have to forget, or leave behind, to truly become someone new and free?

Daily reflection, mentioned egyptian oppression, pinged a regretful MARKUS. He was all YELLOW/AMBER??? Laurie asked why aren't you violet, Markus said the color needs to stabilize, and besides he always had a split resonance. Still felt wrong, off. He was carrying FAR too much anxiety/ worry. What happened to that hopeful bravado that once defined him? We NEED to go into heartspace.
Markus also said his color, and self as a nativized outpacer, DEPENDED ON HIS LEAGUEWORLD. Until that developed properly, HE would be unstable too.

CZ response "what moves you to worship"= "God didn't forsake chaos. He came to it, and stayed close to it, and out of it He made all things. He didn't reject it as hopeless, or destroy it as evil. He hovered over it like a bird, protecting its child. He saw in that formless waste, the potential nevertheless for infinite beauty. And He made it so."

Bible overstudy. Exhausted & fearful, kept making a mess of food. God warning? What am I doing to make Him mad?

"But it will not be of any use to look back on the mistakes, the faults, the lost days, unless it leads to something more than regret. It is easy enough to feel sorrow, but sorrow alone will not avail us unless we repent of the past, and repentance does not only mean being sorry. It means a desire for a better future. Well, then, let us look forward, and strive to learn from the experience of the past, and to do better by God’s help in the future."

Stupid small purge, thanks to tasting muffins. Stupid.
Felt so so sick & miserable after. Why do we STILL do this.
Feeling dead & empty & starving & sad inside. Numb from grief.

...

Jesus saves, redeems, AND restores

Laurie commenting that Love is the only motivation that can stop someone from being a selfish jerk, basically
"Elaborate on that." Why? "Because I don't want you running away from such a revelation"
Mimic "love holds you to a higher standard" "you start to live for others; but I believed that no one would want to live for me in return"? "It was all survival" "I couldn't give what I didn't have [given to me first]" etc.
Love means LOYALTY.

Laurie: to give up everything for God "is only hard because of fallen nature. But if you do it for love, its the easiest thing in the world"
"Problem is, love can keep you holding on, too, if its in the wrong direction. But any love turned earthwards gets mangled, it poses itself. It doesn't act like love anymore."

⭐⭐⭐"we must be saved in order that we may be good, and not that we must be good in order that we may be saved"

Mimic lecturing Barry
"You have to acknowledge them AS sins, you bonehead" "I've thought about this. To admit that somethings a sin means that you recognize it as something offensive, and harmful, not necessarily to the body but to the soul. And THAT acknowledgement requires a whole new way of thinking about life. The existence of sin itself admits a much bigger and more serious moral picture than we want to admit, when we're the ones vandalizing it."

(unfinished)