050123

 
SJE mass today, humble Joseph & 'funeral revealed significance to others' homily

Monthly Vitals check, ashamed of scars? But no comments given.

Oblates, missed mass but said rosary

Spent a while with email fixing our monthly budget with the payee, trying to get all our bills properly taken care of automatically instead of requesting extra money when they hit. gotta be more responsible and proactive.

Julie fronting mostly again
Leon fixing his overlay, realizing he anchors hard into his beard moreso than his hair
Sharona accidentally scaring Jeremiah w shoulder touch

Xenophon lowkey angry & distraught over losing TWO PARENTS in a week
CZ not saying much, definitely the same

Everyone "being given the data" a Core would; thought bleedover
THE "HEARING & WATCHING" GIRLS who think THEY are the "only real ones" BECAUSE they're on the outside looking in ARE NOT CORES!! THEY ARE NOT HEARTS, THEY ARE FACES!!!

Remember how OVERLAY ANCHORS SHIFT!!!
Centralites anchor into the heart
Socials anchor into the forehead/skull??
Corpufoni like the Jessicas anchor into THE STOMACH!!!

FEELING A SOLID BREAK.
Legit NO CORE currently, like after the massacre. Jewel taking over a lot.
Which begs the question: WHO IS TYPING.
How much is automated? There is no sense of self here, just of style.
BUT childhood vibes leak into awareness when there's no Spectrum people around. DIFFERENT FROM JESSICAS THOUGH!!!

Nevertheless, we are praying.
The new Core, if we have a say in it, MUST BE ABLE TO:
• BLEED
• REGRET
• WEEP
• LOVE
• WONDER
• SERVE
• PRAY!!!
We also need an ANDROGYNOUS CORE!!!!

A realization when considering gender:
I DON'T WANT TO "BE A BOY," not physically. It feels wrong.
BUT SO DOES "BEING A GIRL." It also feels wrong, diseased.
I DO WANT MASCULINE VIRTUES. I very much gravitate towards those.
BUT I NEED FEMININE VIRTUES TOO, which are either missing or corrupt.
WE MUST BE A HARMONIOUS EQUAL FUSION.
WE CAN BE SINCE WE ARE CELIBATE. We are NOT called to a married complement. We must be GIVEN TO GOD ALONE and exercise both sets of virtues FOR HIM & THE CHURCH???

Ultimately, the new Core AND the mandatory new System+Spectrum that WILL result from such a shift MUST BE 100% DEDICATED TO & FOCUSED ON LOVING & SERVING BOTH GOD AND OUR FELLOW MAN!!!
This new era of headspace MUST accomplish what the past ones failed: TO LIVE A CHRISTIAN LIFE IN THE OUTER WORLD, WITHOUT DENYING OR DESTROYING THE EQUALLY CHRISTIAN LIFE IN THE INNER WORLD!!
We must have ONE CORE THAT CAN DO BOTH!!! No more hypersplitting; no more separating inner from outer "and never shall they meet".
BUT IS THAT BLASPHEMOUS?? Like erev & boker. SHOULD THERE BE A SACRED VS SECULAR DISTINCTION???
Immediate answer: NO DUDE, BECAUSE OUR JOB IS TO SANCTIFY EVERYTHING, THROUGH & FOR CHRIST!!!

Need to go back to EARLIEST days perhaps?
League & System COEXISTING & INTERACTING?
Immediate answer: NO, BECAUSE THAT DESTROYS THEIR UNIQUE INTEGRITY. THERE MUST BE BOUNDARIES & DISTINCTIONS.
REMEMBER WHAT FULTON SHEEN SAID ABOUT FREEDOM!!!!

...

Does God want me to do GROUNDWORK first?? Like REDEFINE THE SPECTRUM IN LIGHT OF THE GOSPEL!!!
We have NO SOLID FOUNDATION and honestly we were DOOMED either way, being so vague. That's how we got stuck in cults.
This System "reboot"-- more than that, it's almost a REINSTALLATION-- probably SAVED OUR LIFE. Now we have the opportunity to REBUILD ON THE ROCK, long after the BLC beaches were washed out to the bloody sea, and the hollow towers of Central fell to ruin.

WE HAVE OLD FILES ABOUT VIRTUES, COLORS, & CHRIST READY TO READ & REALIZE.
SUMMER IS PREDISPOSED TO SUCH JEWEL-WORK. WE'VE ALREADY BEEN FEELING THE CALL.  ANSWER IT KIDDO!!!

Thinking about Mark 10:6 & 10:15 a lot in light of all this