A prayer over maternal fear

 

God, please, help me love my mother better. 

She frightens me, somehow, but I can't turn it off. Just the thought of being in public with her makes me panic-- I get so scared & anxious that I want to cry & vomit. 

And when I'm next to her in church, hearing her sing, I feel actual violent rage! It's terrifying. I cannot seem to shut it off, let alone prevent it. 

But it ISN'T ME. That, too, is clear.

Nevertheless it persists in tormenting me. 

God, why is this?

I cannot heal from this on my own. I don't know how. I've tried and have not succeeded in any honest way. Lord, only You can heal this.

I don't know how to be in a familial relationship with her. Honestly I don't want to, because of the fear, and that alone is terrifying to admit.

God, I put this matter desperately into Your Hands. Please, work Your gracious Salvation in this area of our life. 

Amen. 
 

bible study notes: march 2023

 

"Bless the Lord, all you His hosts, You who serve Him and do His will." (Psalm 103:21 AMP)

CHRIST is THE HOST of the Holy Eucharist. When we devoutly receive this Blessed Sacrament, then we, too, become "hosts" of God: not only a sanctified multitude, but Living Tabernacles of He Who Is Present in the Host that transforms us! Through this transformation, we are enabled-- by Christ's Power in us-- to serve The Father and do His Will, for only Christ CAN do so with perfect obedience. As His hosts, by grace, we become blessings to God, through God.

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"You make wine to cheer human hearts, olive oil to make faces shine, and bread to strengthen human hearts."

(Psalm 104:15 GW)

 

WINE: The Blood of Christ, poured out to expunge our sin, giving eternal joy & cheer to our hearts-- and true vintage, offered in God's Plan from the very beginning of Creation 

OIL: The Spirit’s Anointing, given in the Sacraments in a very literal sense, both shining with light on our softened skin, and filling our softened hearts with His unfading internal Light

BREAD: The Body of Christ, given in the Most Holy Eucharist, the miraculous Living Bread of Eternal Life that strengthens both our mortal bodies and eternal souls to live for His Kingdom 

Lastly: note the emphasis on HUMAN! Although God does provide abundantly for all creatures, it is ONLY TO MAN that He gives these three special sanctified Gifts... because they can ONLY exist WITH MAN'S HELP. God lovingly calls us to cooperate with Him in our own journey of salvation, by letting Him work through our obedient and faithful hands. What a beautifully humbling blessing! 

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"But when You breathe into anything, it receives life. In that way, You bring new life to the earth." (Psalm 104:30 EASY)

"INSPIRATION" = The "NEW LIFE" of human creativity by the grace of God! He continues to create even now, through us, when we receive the Holy Spirit & act on His Holy Influence.