012719

I have to type about this.

Every time I'm praying or reading, and I come across words referring to devils or demons or satan, this horrible little voice in my chest sneers and rejoices. "yes!!" it snarls in victory. "I love that!"

WHAT IS THAT VOICE. IT'S TERRIFYING.

God please GET IT OUT OF ME.

Jesus, I am terrified. There is a horrid, wicked creature taking up illegal room in my heart and I am terrified of it.
Please. It's sabotaging my very emotions and thoughts. I LOVE YOU, CHRIST JESUS. I always will and I swear I do.
But, my actions speak otherwise. And that is what that horrible devil keeps pointing out, cackling all the while.
Jesus, yes I am a sinner, and I am ashamed, and scared, and sorrowful over that fact. But you came to save sinners. I beg of you, save me. Wash away my sin, and mercifully grant me the grace to never sin again, please, through you.
Stay with me. Guide me and heal me, for I need you to live. I love you. I do. Please, help me feed your sheep and tend your lambs. Help me prove that I love you through my obedience and loving humble actions, in accordance with your will. Please. Without you I am powerless, helpless, filthy, and awful. But with you I can do good, for You ARE Good.
Help me, Jesus, PLEASE. I need you. Help me love you truly, in every moment, more and more with each heartbeat. That is truly all I want. I love you more than anything, deep down in the core of my soul. Help me live this life as a burning testament to that fact, to You. In Jesus' name I pray, amen.