012919

snow day!

perfect breakfast, reading bible study, like yesterday.
"don't eat the butter" childlike obedience

carrying cross, inspiration from Job
"God giveth and God taketh away"
also "give us this day our daily bread"

hope from the notes on "the finding in the temple"
"didn't you know that I'd be in my Father's house?"

reading parable of the sower, thinking about the thorns analogy
working hard to fully forgive samantha; must see her as God sees her

okay until 1pm, then tofu temptation and fear.
had some, panicking. god told me stop
threw it out on the snow
"if your right hand causes you to sin"
went to room, looking up recipes for grandma, food focus messed with my head

1:30 went back out
got tofu off the lawn. BAD. ate it. got SICK.
ended up bingeing. beans, oats, crackers, mayo, etc. ate the pie even. BAD.

got SO SO SICK.
purged. exhausted and fed up with this. praying to God a lot.

put my food worries in his hands
LITERALLY about ten minutes later mom said she bought eggs for us

asked for God's blessing on aywas

mom and chris laying down the law on me for my sins
I was totally honest and sincere and did not try to excuse my behavior
did not lose temper or get angry or cry
standing firm in God's hope although I was ashamed and my knees were shaking
God is leading me into a better life

listening to larnelle harris and cleaning up aywas wishlist

now bed ♥