iscah meal log 051517

 

 

May. 16th, 2017 09:30 am = a new start!

Breakfast= oatmeal, brown sugar, raisins, strawberry yogurt, a strawberry pop tart, vanilla soymilk, and PEACH HONEY TEA. That's a new tea and it's WONDERFUL. And this breakfast is FINALLY HEALED 100%, thanks to my realizing that, to do so, I simply had to let go, stop "trying" so hard, and LOVE EVERYTHING just as it is, pure & simple & grateful & joyful & full of unconditionally appreciative wonder! So, as long as I stay true to that Truth-- and by golly, you bet I will! ♥-- it'll be smooth & beautiful sailing from here on out, because Love soothes every storm. Now to talk about that loving wonder at breakfast! The oatmeal had that lovely savory undertone again-- did it always, and I never noticed?-- and a wonderfully thick, globule-lump texture (the best!). I also put the brown sugar on top, to see how that worked-- and it was nice! But I 99% ate it by itself, and that's not proper at meals. It's meant to be mixed! ♥ So I will next week. The raisins were great; I'm so glad I look forward to them now! Their unique "sugarsour" taste, like the banana, is really enjoyable now. And I've always liked that texture. I wonder... should I maybe mix them with the oatmeal, too? I'll try a few on Saturday, see how they work together! The strawberry yogurt was just as lovely as I remembered-- no fruit pieces, but a "confetti"-like sprinkling of tiny red strawberry bitties through its creamy, soft pinkness. It's a little lighter in hue than the Greek, but the texture is BETTER?? Less thick on the spoon, but thicker in the mouth? It's WONDERFUL. I really loved it. As for the Pop Tart? I loved that too! The filling is the red-berry flavor, not the pink "dessert strawberry" taste of the yogurt, but it's just as nice. It reminds me, quite fittingly, of legit "jelly tart" cookies! But with a different sugar-taste!! White sugar is the ICING-- corn sugar is the filling! And to be blunt, I'm still learning the taste. We'll get there! But yes, same with the brand new peach honey tea. Data will come clearly with time & love & dedication. With God's grace, I promise I'll do my best! ♥

Lunch= a typical side salad w/ Italian dressing, chocolate ganache cake, chocolate Ensure, and the MINI PIZZA! ♥ And guess WHAT? I DIDN'T DECONSTRUCT IT, OR DRINK HOT SAUCE!!! ♥ Double victory!! The salad was scrumptious as always-- and I clarified the love for the Italian dressing, so they're all good now! I really savored the chocolate cake; moist cakes like that taste "cool" regardless of temperature & that's really nice. So is that ganache-cream stuff; oh man! I actually smiled to taste it. It had a sort of strong but richly gentle comfort to it. It was really nice! The Ensure was malty & richly "chocolate milk-y" in contrast, but still good of course. Maybe "malty" isn't the right word? I can't tell yet! I'll make the effort tomorrow. ♥ Oh!! Speaking of data-- I forgot to tell you guys!! I had strawberry Ensure for breakfast, and guess what THAT tastes like? EASTER. I kid you not!! It has an almost white chocolate flavor base, with that particular "strawberry flavor" the same chocolates often have around that holyday. It's nice. It's like I'm a kid again, with my shocking-pink bunny-basket after Easter morning mass, joyfully eating those jubilant sweets, all pure white like Jesus' resurrected robes, and soft but rich light pink, the color of His Love-- of Mary's Love, too, our Mother who shared in His dying & rising, and who BECAME our Mother then!! Rich sweetness, a voice of pure gentle joyful love... the Holy Spirit's color, in His Spouse and in us, too... the Spirit-strength of red, manifested as an inexpressibly joyous pink in that newly-purified light. That's Easter! And that's what God reminds me of, through that flavor. Good! ♥ Now, to conclude-- about that pizza!! ♥ I was a tad dissociated at the time, BUT I prayed AND put forth the good effort, and God helped! ♥ The sauce is tomato-zesty & a bit sweet, with that "base" red balancing rich taste, BUT it also has PEPPER in it (the spice!), which I never noticed! The crust is still richly whole-grainy (can't tell if it's all wheat though? I really think there's brown rice flour in it!) and subtly sweet, with the BEST hard-to-cut dense, yet soft-to-chew texture... and that slightly chewy cheese? The best, man. This meal gets better every week! I'm looking forward to next Tuesday's blessing of it. ♥ Thanks, God!!

Dinner= chicken with skin, bread stuffing & gravy, a dinner roll, a butter pat, 2% milk, a berry magic cup, and sweet potato souffle! Oh yes, and vanilla Ensure-- the flavor of which escaped me today, due to dissociative foggy-brain. I think it's because I didn't sleep so well? Plus team said I am "mentally & emotionally exhausted", which I have to agree with too, because I could REALLY use a break from thinking right now, period! "Trying too hard" and not sincerely praying or reading Scripture enough. God's gonna knock me down on my knees for my own Good, and GOOD THING He does!! I'd rather that, instead of wandering sick & lost in thorns. God uses suffering to draw us ever closer to Him in love. And so I WILL respond wholeheartedly. I'm homesick, desperately so, when I "lose sight" of God, however briefly. I NEED to write on that-- how "home" for me, truly, is CHURCH-- not my household on the hill. It's a "home," true, but you know what I mean. My heart can ONLY rest in God. But... that's why some fellow patients here frustrated & saddened me at first-- they were obsessed with God in His Word to the point of ignoring or overlooking or even avoiding Him in the WORLD (WORD + LOVE!) He Created... in HIS PEOPLE. It's projection. I've done that. Part of me is still inclined to; it's tempting, to cut oneself off completely from the physical & live at Mass, so to speak. But that's how I ended up here. Ironic starvation, of ALL parts of me, maybe especially spiritually? I was always so hungry. But yeah, that topic is HUGE & VITAL and it deserves/ needs its own space & time. For now, let's talk shop! God's HERE, too, after all! He BROUGHT us here & GAVE us these meals, so let's praise Him in them! First... the usual faves. THE SWEET POTATO SOUFFLE, last but never least! It has SUCH a beautiful texture and taste... something like pumpkin pie, actually!!! That lovely thickish density, a "skin" tight on top but so soft & "stick-to-the-plate" soft-sticky inside. And a little taste of spices, too, I believe! ♥ More to check joyfully next week. As for my literal last-but-not-least bite, the roll & butter were as perfectly fluffy & sweet & salty & nice as ever! They're a joy, a simple joy. ♥ AND!!! The data is IN for the entree! I actually have BEAUTIFUL data from 050917, which I really can't expand upon much? The stuffing, spongy & moist & soft, with rich gravy-fat-savory flavor & bits of celery & herb, also has a strong flavor OF bread? Especially the crusts; they're SUPER good. But that wet-bread taste, with the smooth & chicken-fat-flavored gravy, is so different but SO nice. Pay even closer loving attention next time! The chicken skin is still thick & slightly cooked-crisp on top and rich with fat, & it's also wonderfully soft-chewy and there's a unique sweetness to its rich flavor? Same with the chicken!! It's SO different from the others-- it's pinkish-white, like darker meat a little? And it absorbed some bready flavor & moistness, staying "delicately juicy" with its own flavor, and that surprising sweet undertone. I'm DEFINITELY gonna get deeper data next week! ♥ Lastly, the milk still tastes like childhood, and I appreciate its subtle milk-sweet undertaste & literally "milky"-tone more each time... and that berry magic cup? LEGIT. ♥ I was afraid I "disliked" it but I was proved beautifully wrong! Remember- it tastes like it looks! And, like every food, it is always deserving of, and able TO be, loved as-is. ♥

 

Snack= I courageously trusted my God-given gut feelings today, and got TWO chocolate chip NuGo bars, and one Salsa Sun Chips bag. IT WAS EXACTLY WHAT I "WANTED." ♥ And it was SUCH a deep, God-given relief and JOY and HOPE to have that intuition tangibly proved reliable and GOOD!!! ♥ So snacks will be chosen by the Spirit's attending to that day's needs from now on. No obsessing, no confusion, no anxiety. Just simply asking, LISTENING, discerning with a pure, God-loving & following heart, and then obeying that love, of course! So this, too, is healing truly, every day, by God. ♥