oct 29 2015

Well, it's been 5 years.

In 2010 I spent the morning of October 29th sobbing uncontrollably into a computer screen in the kitchen, writing a suicide letter as my family nonchalantly went about their business behind me.
I was reading Fahrenheit 451 at the time. I had a copy with an epilogue interview with Ray Bradbury and I wanted to at least get the closure of finishing that before I attempted anything.


...



- drove for 12 hours today, basically. 350 miles.

- got home and unfortunately, the food we bought made us AWFULLY sick, which was a shame because it wasn't that bad. i dont know i think we ended up badly dissociated because i dont even remember what we ate now

- stupid evil hacker AGAIN trying to hurt cel, name registered as JESS!!!!
CURSE YOU, LEAVE US ALONE, CURSE YOU, YOU DEVIL, DONT YOU REALIZE WHAT YOU'RE DOING

- jay realizing again that the numbness/ "not caring" about hacks is because we currently cannot cope with accepting them as having happened.

- ashen and wreckage sobbing and screaming, respectively

- 2x retribution, BEFORE and after. didnt seem to help. that scared us horribly



today was SO AMAZING until we got home, WHY, WHY, WHY

- "we need to clean out our subconscious"

- AWFUL amounts of programming surfacing