notes for good friday mass

Notes for Good Friday mass.

(Lucifer was the ultimate prodigal son and god is STILL waiting for him)


I knelt in front of the statue of Jesus to pray
I kept looking at his wounds and thinking of how he died for love, it was all for love
He was nailed to the cross and he accepted every moment because he chose that
They may have nailed him but he let them, he chose to suffer that, because of love
As they drove nails through his hands and feet he watched them with compassion
As they drove thorns into his forehead he watched them with compassion
As they laughed and jeered and spat and hated he watched them with compassion
Never faltering for a single moment.

I kept looking at his wounds and my eyes moved to his forehead
And the thought appeared in a burst of heartache
“Oh my god, look at all the blood in your hair.”
I wanted to cry, I wanted to reach out and wipe it away
I wanted to reach out and clean his wounds and take care of him
Just as he had taken care of me
I couldn’t help but think of Leon on the cathedral floor
Sobbing and shaking and reaching out to me
Trying to wipe the blood out of my hair with trembling hands.
We didn’t even realize it at the time
We took for granted the light that was shining through us.

They crowned him with thorns and dressed him in violet
And Xenophon looked at me and said it reminded her of Laurie
Of how she had taken on such a painful title
Not a king, but a superego
Not a god, but a demon
She bled for it and she wore her violet robes
Because in her own way she had been chosen for love as well
She fought for truth even if she couldn’t always see it herself
And she was willing to die for the greater good

I heard so many new meanings in the readings today
They cast lots for his vestures
He responded that I AM
And everything that Pilate said
So much makes sense now
So much
I couldn’t stop crying.

It was the most beautifully ironic act
He loved them so much that he let them kill him
So that through his death they would realize his love
And his love would give them the gateway to salvation
So they could understand why they had to kill him
But also that if they had loved him no one would have died
And he forgave them, in every moment
How could they know?
Father, forgive them… they know not what they do.

Why have you forsaken me?
Something tells me Jesus felt more than we realized
He was the Christ, the undying light of God
But how symbolic was his death!
Have we not suffered since he left us?
We have waged war on each other in hate and anger
We have bombed our brothers and sisters
Jesus died to give us a chance to rise above that
But we forgot, we did not see, we were so lost
We bombed our children and our parents
And Jesus wept
Father, why have you abandoned me?
Was he speaking for us?
Lost children, crying out for our father above
But he held our hands the entire time
Entwining his fingers with ours
Even if we could not feel his love
Through the weapons we clung to so tightly
We were never abandoned
But in our blindness we were convinced we were alone
And as Jesus bled to remove our stains of sin
I think he felt that somehow
I think he felt our despair as he hung there on that dead tree
He felt all of our pain, in a cathartic forgiveness
He understood our distress
He understood every last bit of it.

Xenophon told me she was ready to die
If today was when Jesus revealed his true name, his true life, then she was ready to find hers
But she was afraid
I told her that it wasn’t so bad if you remembered why you were dying
That if you held on to love, death was only a new beginning
It was a rebirth
Just like her.

The night before, as I prayed for two hours in a darkened church
They said the rosary and I felt such affinity with the mother of God
‘I am the servant of the Lord
May it be done to me according to your will’
And as I prayed
Suddenly they slipped up
‘Blessed are you among men’
And I felt the tears burn in my eyes
A virgin father
How blessed I am
How truly blessed I am
And how humbly honored I am to hold this role
To have brought such a little light into the world

Jesus held all of our virtues on the cross.
He was victorious in the truth of God
He suffered through chaos in order to reach eternal life
He bled to death so that he would be reborn
And he felt the deepest catharsis for the sins of the world
Because he loved us so
He loved us until the end
And he loved us in the beginning.

He suffered and bled and died but now it is over
He lies there in the tomb but he is not in pain
There is yet a little while to wait but the worst is over
The worst is over, and while we may travel to hell even now we bring light with us
We have died to death itself and now we bring others from death to life as well
We have suffered and bled and died with him but now it is finished
Now is the time for new life and love and truth
There was life in our blood, even as it dripped from our veins
There was always life and we bled for love
And so finally we recognize that hidden joy
Never fading even in the face of death
The worst is over; we will never have to die again
It is finished; it is finished; it is finished!