082017

[prismaticbleed]

morning:

slipping. waking up with oliver, feeling totally off kilter. wanting to weep and not understanding what to do with it; being all tangled up and ashamed and confused at my need for intimacy in ways that i felt were totally wrong.

being with both laurie and the daemons as a result. desperate to find out what i actually needed at heart.

laurie and the knife, just like that bloody gif we have. she knew what it meant. broke her heart, i could tell, but she also knew WHY i needed that.
terrifying in a way. wondering if that affects nexus

went shopping with ollie and mason. really nice to have that tangible support and care. usually we dissociate devastatingly when in noisy busy public places, ESPECIALLY stores. too much sensory overload. too much sheer data crashing into our brain like a truck.

i know we didn't eat until like 3pm, but we did our best and didnt get sick, thank god for ollie. he helps so much. we can tell him when we're scared or angry or confused and he RESPECTS that and works with it as well as he can. he wants us to heal so badly, just like we want to.

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evening:

laurie talking to oliver for a WHILE.

infi and oliver.