prismaticbleed | dream 073017 (Reply)

dream 6am-11am, july 30 2017.

at sink, washing knives and veg peelers,thinking about things to write in an entry? started getting family flashbacks, really bad
laurie pushes through to front, grabs a veg peeler? pushes the tip against our inner right wrist? (to avoid worse trggers with a legit knife, I got the feeling) says "kid, there's a blade, right here. I'm right here. you're safe. I love you. you're safe. no matter what, I will keep you safe."

sitting in booth of some chicken-dish focused diner? in an outside/inside place that felt like jimmy johns fused with discovery place. writing a fusion entry/xanga in our old pink journal. tags included "julie, laurie, chaos zero, pentagape." forget what it was about. but felt the depth of it.
main restaurant dude came up to us and asked us to move down to the edge of the seat so actual customers could sit in the full length of it, but not unkindly. thanked us for cooperating, then very amiably asked us what we were writing? said it was "half a journal, half not-quite-creative-writing: more like "there's a whole world sprawling inside my skull; how do I get it on paper?" he said that was really awesome, lots of legit admiration in his voice. said the journal was super cool, he liked it. we said yeah, you can always use another journal. we also briefly mentioned we wanted to be an animator, and were slowly practicing it on our computer? he sincerely wished us the best of luck, said "good luck with your writing" and went back to the counter. felt really nice about the whole exchange

later, being "in ollie's room," looking through this cubbyhole near the floor against the wall that was allegedly a closet? full of old clothes. laurie and I looking through it together, for stuff that fit. lots of clothes that caught josephina's eye; he wanted to wear them. a few outfits that were closer to our size, but got the feeling that "thirteen wouldn't be happy if we wore them" not for a bad reason, but because they were so important to her history, it would have been jarring for us to suddenly be wearing them in a totally different context? like, felt we should leave them as part of her personal story and not take them out just to casually wear them. felt irreverent in a way.

something with gansey talking to blue in a car? like reading a book, but felt like we were watching the scene play out. talking about suitcases, metaphorically? trying to explain some concept to blue: in a taxi, with two large brown suitcases (like ours), one old, one new, both empty? could only "bring two things" into the future, oneself included?? blue couldn't figure it out. remember the "correct answer" being NEITHER of the suitcases-- you had to bring yourself, in the sake of "leaving your STORY behind" for "the sake of others, AND your own bloodline"-- but he used the word bedline?? and we got the super unique and intriguing sense of that being because of how ALL "bloodlines" are literally just the result of sexual union, but using "bedline" implied the MARITAL LOVE sense of it. and immediately we thought of OUR core bloodlines, and how chaos zero was this cornerstone in all of it, and the differences between the jewels and the jays-- the jewels felt love in the traditional "falling in love" sense? all hearts around the head, cerise-red hue? heart-centered. but the JAYS felt it in the heart as this all-encompassing thing that radiated out through the WHOLE body AND the space around them; image of me floating with my face in my hands, slightly curled in on myself in emotional overwhelm, naked and all colored white but the entire aura-space around me being full of smaller, red-cerise hearts, and just radiating. then a mental image of me embracing chaos zero and this "arrow through the heart" symbolic-image feeling of that just piercing through our hearts, "down through the ages" and THAT being the real vibe of a "bedline." very interesting feeling.

also dreamt of waking up, checking our phone and it being 7am, and then murphy nuzzling our face until we nuzzled him back. not sure if that was real or not, haha. he's so adorably affectionate with us.