"how we feel" april 1-15 2025
Apr. 15th, 2025 08:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
prismaticbleed2025 Tue Apr 1 9:56 AM
I'M FEELING = VALUED & TOUCHED
WHY = FATHER S. SAVING MY LIFE 🙏💸✝️
I CAN ACTUALLY BUY FOOD & DO LAUNDRY
GOD BLESS HIM PROFOUNDLY FOREVER
CONTEXT TAGS = Parish Community,Church,At Church
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2025 Tue Apr 1 4:23 PM
I'M FEELING = BURNED OUT & RESIGNED
WHY = Today was so long & scary.
Mom got out late.
We won't get to eat until after 6.
God i can't live like this anymore.
CONTEXT TAGS = In Public,Commuting;Hospital,Errands;Hospital
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2025 Wed Apr 2 7:03PM
I'M FEELING = ALIENATED & HURTING
WHY = Feeling unloved by mom, then getting glimpses of care. Conflicted & hurting.
I feel inherently hard to love.
Thankfully Jesus doesn't think so.
CONTEXT TAGS = Family,Commuting;Shopping,Cooking;Shopping
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2025 Thu Apr 3 12:57 PM
I'M FEELING = INDECISIVE & FOMO
WHY = Ultima flavor panic indecision.
Cherry sadly made me sick so I had to return it.
Decided to try Blueberry again instead of waiting another week for Raspberry because that's the "safe flavor." I want to be more free.
But I feel like God is disappointed in me & angry with me now. "I told you to wait." But did He?
I'm so scared. Did I break the 1st Commandment?
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Phone,Shopping
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2025 Thu Apr 3 7:08 PM
I'M FEELING = TERRIFIED & DESPAIR
WHY = I got SO CLOSE but I failed again.
Why?
Is it just fear and hunger?
What is the way out?
...make less. Eat less. No full meals.
If there isn't "stuff to finish," i won't feel trapped.
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself;Praying To Jesus,Home;Kitchen;Table,Disordered Behavior
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2025 Sat Apr 5 5:14 AM
I'M FEELING = EMPTY & DEAD INSIDE
WHY = Despair over confession tomorrow.
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Couch,Trying To Sleep
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2025 Sat Apr 5 4:58 PM
I'M FEELING = RELIEVED & OVERJOYED
WHY = FATHER ABSOLVED ME!!!!!!
GOD IS MERCIFUL FOREVER!!!!
♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
CONTEXT TAGS = Parish Community,Church,At Church
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2025 Sat Apr 5 6:07 PM
I'M FEELING = NERVOUS & SUPPORTED
WHY = Scared that I made the wrong meal choices.
Trying to discern scrupulosity from the Spirit.
Trusting that God WILL work this out for His glory & my good nevertheless, if I surrender it toHim.
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself;Praying To Jesus;Praying To Mary,Home;Kitchen,Meal Planning;Getting Ready To Eat
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2025 Sun Apr 6 1:18 PM
I'M FEELING = RUSHED & BURNED OUT
WHY = Gotta eat and run to church again.
Very tired of living.
Desperately clinging to hope.
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself;With The System,Home;Table,Eating;Getting Ready For Church
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2025 Sun Apr 6 6:52 PM
I'M FEELING = FRIGHTENED & DETERMINED
WHY = Inevitable (?) Hunger BP. But DETERMINED to still savor it respectfully AND stop it fast.
God help me eat normally from today on, by grace.
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself;Praying To Jesus;Praying To Mary,Home;Kitchen;Table,Eating;Disordered Behavior
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2025 Mon Apr 7 3:40 PM
I'M FEELING = TERRIFIED & ANGUISHED
WHY = I am literally scared to death.
I'm so afraid to eat.
This meal might kill me, allegedly.
But all the purging definitely will, if I don't stop.
I can't stop as long as I see it as my only escape from the terror OF eating.
God save me please.
I don't want to die!!
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself;Praying To Jesus,Home;Table,Disordered Behavior;Getting Ready To Eat
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2025 Wed Apr 9 5:41 PM
I'M FEELING = APPREHENSIVE & STRESSED
WHY = Life has been exhausting lately.
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself;Praying To Jesus,Home;Table,Eating;Reading Scripture;OCD Rituals
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2025 Thu Apr 10 11:53 AM
I'M FEELING = DEFICIENT & DEFEATED
WHY = I am so tired of this eating disorder. It's destroying my life.
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Couch;Phone,Just Woke Up
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2025 Thu Apr 10 4:08 PM
I'M FEELING = JITTERY & DREAD
WHY = Can't get my brain to relax. Everything feels dirty & wrong & rushed & threatening.
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself;Praying To Jesus;Praying To Mary,Home;Table,Eating;Praying;OCD Rituals
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2025 Fri Apr 11 1:54 PM
I'M FEELING = EXHAUSTED & AVOIDANT
WHY = I am bone tired. I can't find the strength to get up. My whole body aches.
I don't have the strength to fight the war against food. Eating is terrifying. I'm so tired.
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Couch,Resting;Praying;YouTube
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2025 Fri Apr 11 6:08 PM
I'M FEELING = FRAZZLED & CONTEMPLATIVE
WHY = Challenging Scripture, with profound consolation mixed in.
Cleanup rituals still driving me nuts, but ignoring them is literally hell.
Bravely trying to eat a real meal & keep it down for the first time this month. God give me strength.
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself;Praying To Jesus,Home;Table;Cleanup Room,Eating;Reading Scripture;OCD Rituals
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2025 Sat Apr 12 12:24 AM
I'M FEELING = NERVOUS & EVEN-TEMPERED
WHY = Made it through the day with NO PURGES!!
Thank You God!! (And Saint Stanislaus!)
Problem is it made us TERRIBLY SICK.
But now we know, and we can do better.
(ANYTHING IS BETTER THAN A BINGEPURGE)
In the meantime, it's a REAL CROSS to carry with blessed gratitude! This is a path to greater holiness!
CONTEXT TAGS = With The System,Home;Couch,Going To Bed;Meal Planning
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2025 Sat Apr 12 9:57 AM
I'M FEELING = GLUM & DREAD
WHY = Dreading eating today. So scared of getting sick again. So tired of every meal beating me up.
Church today though. Palm Sunday vigil.
Cling to that hope & beauty. Do NOT let temporary earthly woes blind you to eternal heavenly joys!!
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Home;Couch,Just Woke Up;Meal Planning
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2025 Sat Apr 12 6:14 PM
I'M FEELING = SCARED & CONTEMPT
WHY = Allegedly "Jesus" telling me not to have extra broccoli or olive oil with dinner although I would like to for calories/ palatability. Added a few drops at ""Mary's"" intervention = ""MORTAL SIN DISOBEDIENCE"" = self hatred & drive to destroy / punish.
THAT STUFF IS NOT OF GOD.
But there's no "right answer."
Is there?
I'm so scared I'm going to be punished severely for this.
But i CANNOT purge. I HAVE to commit to suffer AS A CHRISTIAN in warfare against OBVIOUS sin.
CONTEXT TAGS = Floating Voices,Home;Kitchen,Cooking;Getting Ready To Eat
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2025 Sun Apr 13 1:08 AM
I'M FEELING = MISERABLE & SPENT
WHY = I fought SO HARD today.
I still lost.
Threats are infinite and unending.
Am I that hopeless?
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Home;Kitchen,Disordered Behavior;Cleaning;Recovering;Sick
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2025 Sun Apr 13 4:30 PM
I'M FEELING = FRUSTRATED & CONTEMPLATIVE
WHY = I don't want to eat but I have to.
I just want to pray & study Scripture.
But there's a feeling of peace deep down.
God please don't let the food destroy it.
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself;Praying To Jesus;Praying To Mary,Home,Reading Scripture;Praying;Getting Ready To Eat
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2025 Mon Apr 14 2:10 PM
I'M FEELING = RUSHED & ACCOMPLISHED
WHY = SOMEHOW DID LAUNDRY TODAY
Now gotta eat & then run to CONFESSION!
CONTEXT TAGS = With The System,Home;Table,Getting Ready To Eat
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2025 Tue Apr 15 6:56 AM
I'M FEELING = HEARTBROKEN & MISERABLE
WHY = Horrific nightmare night.
Feeling too unwell to run to Mass.
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Home;Couch,Just Woke Up
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2025 Tue Apr 15 7:27 AM
I'M FEELING = BLISSFUL & ADORING
WHY = JESUS IS MY TOP PRIORITY ♡♡♡
CONTEXT TAGS = Praying To Jesus;Parish Community;Praying To Mary,Church;Adoration Chapel,Adoration;At Church
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2025 Tue Apr 15 1:27 PM
I'M FEELING = GRIEF & CHALLENGED
WHY = I just found out that my beloved Jessie died.
...One month before Grandma did.
My heart is shattered.
But...
This motivates me to KEEP LIVING.
I have to NEVER GIVE UP.
I MUST KEEP FIGHTING FOR LIFE.
And I HAVE to USE MY TALENTS.
NOW.
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Home;Table;Exercise Bike;Phone,Spiritual Reading;Exercising;Getting Ready To Eat;YouTube
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2025 Tue Apr 15 5:27 PM
I'M FEELING = SCARED
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2025 Tue Apr 15 8:41 PM
I'M FEELING = DISPLEASED & SCARED
CONTEXT TAGS = Disordered Behavior
