"how we feel" january 17-24 2025
Jan. 24th, 2025 09:28 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
prismaticbleed2025 Fri Jan 17 1:22 PM
I'M FEELING = CONFUSED & HUMILIATED
WHY = Hijack + hack dreams.
Infinitii was involved.
I don't know how to cope with this.
CONTEXT TAGS = With Julie,Headspace;Couch,Just Woke Up;Talking To Julie
-------------------------------------------------------------
2025 Fri Jan 17 2:18 PM
I'M FEELING = AVOIDANT & DISHEARTENED
WHY = Can't get out of bed.
I'm not tired, I'm... scraped out?
Awful feeling. Edge of despair.
Years of fighting the same war will do this to you.
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Couch,Just Woke Up
-------------------------------------------------------------
2025 Fri Jan 17 4:40 PM
I'M FEELING = CHALLENGED & ENCOURAGED
WHY = Scripture teachings and encouragements!
CONTEXT TAGS = With The System,Table,Eating;Reading Scripture
-------------------------------------------------------------
2025 Fri Jan 17 11:58 PM
I'M FEELING = CRUSHED & BEREFT
WHY = Another forced selfabuse binge.
I'm so tired.
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Kitchen;Cleanup Room,Disordered Behavior;Cleaning
-------------------------------------------------------------
2025 Sat Jan 18 1:16 PM
I'M FEELING = AVOIDANT & ASHAMED
WHY = Don't want to wake up.
Don't want to eat.
Crushed at having to confess all this AGAIN.
Might get to go to SJE though.
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Table,Just Woke Up;Getting Ready For Church;Getting Ready For The Day
-------------------------------------------------------------
2025 Sat Jan 18 3:49 PM
I'M FEELING = TERRIFIED & BURNED OUT
WHY = God give me strength
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Commuting;Church,Getting Ready For Church;Going To Mom's House,
-------------------------------------------------------------
2025 Sat Jan 18 4:58 PM
I'M FEELING = GRIEF & HOLLOW
WHY = My life feels utterly useless.
I've lost so much.
I've destroyed so much.
I see no purpose to my existence.
But God does.
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself;Praying To Jesus,Church,At Church
-------------------------------------------------------------
2025 Sat Jan 18 7:53 PM
I'M FEELING = RELIEVED & CONTEMPLATIVE
WHY = Galatians 3!
Also DIDN'T EAT AT THE HOUSE so we AVOIDED PANIC DISSOCIATION!
CONTEXT TAGS = With The System,Home;Table,Eating;Reading Scripture
-------------------------------------------------------------
2025 Sun Jan 19 2:14 AM
I'M FEELING = DEAD INSIDE & MISERABLE
WHY = Why can't we stop the bulimia?
Are we that damn hungry?
The body is so sick.
We're out of money and strength both.
Will we survive this?
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Kitchen;Cleanup Room,Disordered Behavior;Cleaning;Going To Bed
-------------------------------------------------------------
2025 Sun Jan 19 3:17 AM
I'M FEELING = VALUED & WISTFUL
WHY = I'm loved, even in this agony.
CONTEXT TAGS = With Chaos 0;With Laurie,Couch,Going To Bed;Talking To Chaos 0;Talking To Laurie
-------------------------------------------------------------
2025 Sun Jan 19 1:19 PM
I'M FEELING = BUOYANT & ENTHRALLED
WHY = IT'S SNOWING BRO!!! ♡♡♡
Also we got to go to church TWICE!
CONTEXT TAGS = With The System,Home,Busywork
-------------------------------------------------------------
2025 Sun Jan 19 3:48 PM
I'M FEELING = CONFLICTED & TRAPPED
WHY = Accidentally put too much olive oil in the broccoli.
This is one of my ABSOLUTE BIGGEST TRIGGERS.
I feel so stupid and terrified.
God please help me.
I'm so scared of eating too much and getting fat.
Why is that such a living nightmare?
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Kitchen,Cooking;Cleaning
-------------------------------------------------------------
2025 Sun Jan 19 4:55 PM
I'M FEELING = EXASPERATED & EXHAUSTED
WHY = OCD hell.
NOTHING IS EVER CLEAN ENOUGH
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Cleanup Room,Cleaning
-------------------------------------------------------------
2025 Mon Jan 20 12:51 AM
I'M FEELING = GRIEF & HOLLOW
WHY = So hungry.
So sick of food.
Life is hell right now.
But every time I see Anxi's face i remember that there is something worth living for.
Please don't give up.
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Home,Disordered Behavior;Cleaning;Going To Bed
-------------------------------------------------------------
2025 Mon Jan 20 2:36 PM
I'M FEELING = BURNED OUT & GRUMPY
WHY = Life is just exhausting.
No strength or will to do daily things.
I just want to not exist in the body anymore.
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Kitchen;Cleanup Room,Cooking;Cleaning;Getting Ready For The Day
-------------------------------------------------------------
2025 Mon Jan 20 7:16 PM
I'M FEELING = MAD & SCARED
WHY = Post-eating violence & confusion. As always. WHY.
Life is just a living hell lately.
Several appointments tomorrow.
Possible food drives.
Already want to ragecry from fear & exhaustion.
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Kitchen,Cooking;Cleaning;Day Scheduling
-------------------------------------------------------------
2025 Tue Jan 21 2:01 AM
I'M FEELING = CONFLICTED & EXHAUSTED
WHY = Tight busy schedule tomorrow.
Tired just thinking about it.
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Couch,Trying To Sleep;Day Scheduling
-------------------------------------------------------------
2025 Tue Jan 21 7:58 AM
I'M FEELING = AFRAID & DISTRESSED
WHY = Just... I don't feel well, and today is going to be all over the place.
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Home,Getting Ready For The Day
-------------------------------------------------------------
2025 Wed Jan 22 2:41 AM
I'M FEELING = CRUSHED & SPENT
WHY = Long day. Awful stress.
Sleeping for like 12 hours tomorrow dude, I don't even care
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Kitchen,Cleaning;Going To Bed
-------------------------------------------------------------
2025 Wed Jan 22 6:48 PM
I'M FEELING = NERVOUS & HELPLESS
WHY = Addiction getting loud. Why?
Scripture offering both heavy convictions and profound hope.
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Table,Eating;Reading Scripture
-------------------------------------------------------------
2025 Thu Jan 23 12:42 PM
I'M FEELING = DISGRACED & EMBARRASSED
WHY = Embarrassing myself by going to so many food drives and being TURNED AWAY.
This is legit a drug chase. What is WRONG with our mind???
CONTEXT TAGS = Driving
-------------------------------------------------------------
2025 Thu Jan 23 7:12 PM
I'M FEELING = TERRIFIED & DISTRESSED
WHY = I must be allergic to cucumber. These symptoms keep happening.
Binge night due to being on the road & at mom's all day.
DETERMINED to CHUCK IT IN THE BIN instead of torturing myself.
God help me please! Let this be over FAST!
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Kitchen,Disordered Behavior;Sick
-------------------------------------------------------------
2025 Fri Jan 24 2:17 AM
I'M FEELING = BURNED OUT & SPENT
WHY = Shattered. My body and mind cannot take this stress anymore.
Going to sleep for 12 hours if possible. I'm wrecked.
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Couch,Going To Bed
-------------------------------------------------------------
2025 Fri Jan 24 3:07 PM
I'M FEELING = APATHETIC & DISPIRITED
WHY = So tired of eating.
So tired of being awake.
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Home,Cooking;Cleaning;Day Scheduling
-------------------------------------------------------------
2025 Fri Jan 24 8:04 PM
I'M FEELING = NUMB & SCARED
WHY = Family disasters.
Still terrified of addictive compulsions.
Don't know how to cope with either.
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Home,Talking To Mom
