tbhu worksheets = mental flexibility

[prismaticbleed]

("mental flexibility" workbook pages from sept-nov 2024 at tbhu)

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List 11 of your favorite sounds.
1. Cello
2. Handbells
3. Rain at night
4. Cathedral acoustics
5. Latin/ Russian choir
6. Tiny jingle bells
7. Snowfall
8. That RUN in Milliontown
9. The opening to Black Light Machine
10. The Marywood music rooms
11. NiER Gestalt menu sounds

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"How do you get to know yourself?"
ASK EACH DAY, "WHAT AM I LEARNING ABOUT MY: INTERESTS? STRENGTHS? WEAKNESSES PREFERENCES? CAPABILITIES? LIMITS? BELIEFS? FEARS? HOPES? etc." Be OPEN AND CURIOUS about your life and existence, inner and outer, in every moment.

"What does it mean to get to know yourself?"
It means DISCOVERING the DEPTHS & DETAILS of your OWN UNIQUE LIFE & PERSONALITY, as DISTINCT FROM OTHERS. It means EXPLORATION, SEARCHING, TESTING, FEELING, & LOVING OPENNESS TO LISTEN & TRUST THIS. You HAVE to ASK QUESTIONS & HAVE CONVERSATIONS with yourself, AS SOMEONE YOU WANT TO GET TO KNOW-- AND LOVE.

"How can getting to know yourself be of benefit"?
You will be able to live FULLY and AS A WHOLE PERSON. You will recognize your DISTINCT IDENTITY. You can SET PERSONAL BOUNDARIES. You can DISCOVER your OWN GIFTS & TALENTS & PURSUE them in the ways that RESONATE with YOUR SOUL. You can LIKE yourself AS yourself, and HONOR that. You will be ABLE to have REAL relationships with others!

"What's the opposite of getting to know yourself?"
DENIAL, PEOPLE-PLEASING, FORCED BEHAVIOR, CODEPENDENCY, SELF-DISTRUST, DISSOCIATION, LACK OF CHARACTER, LOSS OF PURPOSE, EMPTINESS, AIMLESSNESS, INSINCERITY, UNABLE TO SEE YOURSELF AS SEPARATE FROM OTHERS, AFRAID TO TRULY EXIST.


"List and describe some ways you can learn more about yourself."
REGULAR XANGA SESSIONS. DAILY HEADSPACE COMMUNICATION & NIGHTLY HEADSPACE MEDITATIONS. SPOTIFY SESSIONS WITH THE COREGROUP, WITH AS MANY PEOPLE SINGING AS POSSIBLE. NIGHTLY JOURNAL ENTRIES & DAILY NOTES ON EVERY NOTABLE EVENT WITHOUT EXCEPTION. PICREW. TUMBLR RESONANCE POSTING. PERSONALITY SURVEYS. REVIEWING THE ARCHIVES REGULARLY. DAILY LEAGUEWORK. DAILY MASS & HONEST PRAYER. ADORATION HOURS. LEAGUEWALKING AT NIGHT. EXPLORING NEW HOBBIES & INTERESTS. LEARNING TO SAY BOTH "YES" & "NO" WITH CLARITY. READING SCRIPTURE & THE CATECHISM. TIME WITH FAMILY & REAL FRIENDS.

"How do you not get to know yourself?"
NOT TAKING TIME FOR SELF-ANALYSIS & SELF-REFLECTION. IGNORING EMOTIONS. DENYING/ HIDING THE SYSTEM. NOT PRAYING. ISOLATING. NOT GOING UPSTAIRS OR INSIDE. DESTROYING YOUR BELONGINGS. RUNNING FROM THE PAST. NOT TRYING NEW THINGS. NOT JOURNALING. NOT DOING ANYTHING CREATIVE. DENYING YOUR LIKES/ DISLIKES/ VIBE. LIVING TO PLEASE OTHER PEOPLE. NOT SAYING "NO." NOT BEING WITH THE ONES YOU LOVE. REFUSING TO ENJOY LIFE AT ALL. ISOLATING FROM OTHERS. CONFORMING MYSELF TO OTHERS. FOCUSING ONLY ON THE PHYSICAL WORLD. FORGETTING THAT YOU'RE A CHILD OF GOD AND A CORE!!!

✳ YOUR HEART HAS A PERMANENT CORE OF:
● FAITH
● LOVE
● CREATIVITY
● PLURALITY
IF YOU DENY/ IGNORE ANY OF THOSE TRUTHS, YOUR SOUL WILL DIE. YOU KNOW THIS. IN ORDER TO BE YOUR TRUE SELF, YOU MUST USE YOUR CREATIVE GIFTS ZEALOUSLY & LIBERALLY, YOU MUST PRAY & WORSHIP, YOU MUST LIVE AS THE SYSTEM CORE AND YOU MUST BE IN LOVE. (and you ARE!)

✳ your BIGGEST obstacle? NOT YET "KNOWING" YOUR OWN FACE AND NAME. You NEED to OWN BOTH the "BODY NAME" AND THE "SOUL NAME." AND YOU NEED TO DRAW YOURSELF IN A WAY THAT FINALLY EMBRACES THE BODY GOD GAVE TO YOUR SOUL, AND ANCHOR INTO THAT VISIBLE FORM INSIDE!!

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"How can you better plan your days for success?"
Focus on VALUES & PRIORITIES. Schedule in activities FOR character building & creative work. Focus on GOD/ GIFTS and RECOVERY LIVING! And it's a FLEXIBLE schedule. As long as I GET TO MASS, exercise ≥1 hour, and do BOTH League AND System work, I'M GOLD. Everything flows with given time. DON'T GET RIGID OR LAZY. Live with PURPOSE! You will be ACCOMPLISHED AND ALIVE!

✳ Ideally, MORNINGS are all about WORSHIP & PRAYER; EVEN EXERCISE MUST BE IN PRAISE TO GOD! START THE DAY RIGHT WITH THE LORD!!
✳ EVENINGS are all about CREATIVE WORK. NO EXCEPTIONS. (MAY PUSH EARLIER AS NIGHTS GET LONGER? WE NEED DAYLIGHT TO WORK!)
✳ FOCUS ON STORY BUILDING, ESPECIALLY PLOT, CHARACTER PERSONALITY/ DESIGN, & ROUGH DRAFTS-- even if they don't end up being canon at ALL. STILL, WRITE!!

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"What are some foods that make you feel good?"
Fresh, watery vegetables/ Crunchy sweet carrots & apples/ Light, cool, crisp foods?/ COLORFUL foods/ Fresh fish?/ Lettuce RIGHT OUTTA THE DIRT/ Fresh, wholegrain bread?

"What are some activities that make you feel good?"
Being outside and joyfully wondering at nature, freely imaginative Leaguework, playing music, high-intensity workouts, exhausting but productive outside work (with nature), singing? Running, hiking, maybe sports/ dancing? STRETCHING. Taking care of others. Doing small but solid acts of kindness.

"What are the things in your life that build you up?"
Church/ Adoration, Scripture, the encouraging & honest words of others, seeing the good creative works I HAVE accomplished, reading our archives & seeing our LOVE & HOPE & PROGRESS, feeling valued by my family and church, hearing that my creative gifts HAVE inspired & edified others

"What are some other ways you can add positive influences to your life?"
COLLECT inspiring/ edifying images, songs, quotes, etc. Watch uplifting & beautiful films? Connect with a CREATIVE COMMUNITY that is HONORABLE & JOYFUL. GET INVOLVED IN THE LOCAL CHURCH COMMUNITY. Take time daily to DO WHAT YOU LOVE, and spend time with the COREGROUP. Make good Christian friends and do good things TOGETHER? WATCH homilies/ lectures with messages of Godly integrity

"List some inspiring and fruitful ingredients to add to your life."
FAITH, PIETY, JOY, HOPE, COURAGE, GRATITUDE, WONDER, ZEAL, INTEGRITY, DETERMINATION, COMPASSION, WISDOM, INDUSTRIOUSNESS, PATIENCE, DEDICATION, SINCERITY, INSPIRATION, PURPOSE, TEMPERANCE, PEACE, INSIGHT, CLARITY, LOVE, TRUTH, BEAUTY, GOODNESS, and GOOD HARD WORK!

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"Write down everything you want to let go of."
CNC/ SLC
BULIMIA/ ANOREXIA
"MAKING MYSELF SMALL"
GUILT/ SHAME OVER SEXUAL TRAUMA
NEVER ASSERTING MY BOUNDARIES
FOOD OBSESSION
BITTERNESS
FEELING USELESS
SELF-DOUBT
UNRESOLVED RAGE & GRIEF
CHILDHOOD WOUNDS
COMPULSIVE MIMICKING
"I'M A BAD PERSON"

"What will happen when you let go?"
There WILL be a "space" left, that I CAN FINALLY fill with GRATITUDE & PEACE? I will be FREED from COMPULSIVE RE-LIVING/ LOOPS? I CAN BE MY OWN PERSON. I will be able to MOVE INTO a SPACE OF HOPE, MERCY, AND HEALING. I can "BE A GOOD PERSON" (UNSHACKLED)

"Why do you want to let go?"
It's IMPRISONING ME in MERCILESS, LIFE-DESTROYING NEGATIVITY. It's IN DIRECT OPPOSITION TO GOD'S GOOD & LOVING WILL/ PURPOSE FOR MY LIFE! I CANNOT MOVE FORWARDS & LIVE VIRTUOUSLY IF I KEEP "IDENTIFYING WITH" NEGATIVE THINGS.

"What happens to the things you let go?"
They lose their power over me, AND they are ALSO freed from the negative prison MY "holding on" was trapping THEM in, too. LETTING GO makes ROOM for REDEMPTION & RECOVERY.

"Why do we hold on to things that we should probably let go of?"
They DO affect our history/ identity POWERFULLY, and the wounds can go so deep they feel like they REDEFINE us. We fear losing our IDENTITY in some way if we let go. But it's ONLY because we FORGOT WHO WE TRULY ARE, apart from those things.
✳ HOLDING ON to HURTFUL THINGS makes our hands BLEED when we try to grasp ANYTHING ELSE?? To LET GO, we HAVE to "PULL OUT THE THORNS" ENTIRELY.


"Now write down everything you want to hold on to."
(BREAK THE SHACKLES AND WEAR THE GOLD)
THE SYSTEM
THE LEAGUE
HOPE
MY FAITH
"CHILD OF GOD"
MY FAMILY
MUSIC
CHILDHOOD JOYS
CHILDLIKE WONDER
ZEST FOR LIFE
SENSE OF ADVENTURE
"YOU INSPIRE ME"
"I LOVE YOUR WORK"

"What aspects of your life do you want to maintain?"
ground in/ maintain MY VALUES =
(UNSHAKEABLE JOY, UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, INTELLIGENT FAITH, INDUSTRIOUS PATIENCE)
INTEGRITY, HONESTY, COURAGE, KNOWLEDGE, WISDOM, HOPE, DARING? COMPASSION, VULNERABILITY, SINCERITY, DEPENDABILITY, RELIABILITY, TRUTH, KINDNESS, BEAUTY, FIDELITY, TRUSTWORTHINESS, PIETY, WONDER, CREATIVITY, MERCY, SELFCONTROL, ZEAL, etc.

"What aspects of your life do you want to grow?"
on track/ grow MY AMBITIONS =
● Become a published author, accomplished musician, & skilled artist
● Use my "gift of speech" somehow: singing, speeches?? counseling?
● Bring honor & peace & joy to my family; help reunite us in mutual love/ healing
● Make full restitution for ALL the damage I've done to others and myself in life
● Achieve a holy balance of piety & mission; not becoming either scrupulous or impious
● Somehow be genuinely & respectfully recognized & known for my love for Chaos 0
● GET BUFF & ease/ strive into a fully recovered lifestyle
● LIVE FREELY & PASSIONATELY IN AND FOR CHRIST!

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"If you could design your brain to be exactly the way you wanted it, what would your mind be filled with?"
✳ DIGITAL & TRADITIONAL ARTISTIC SKILL/ TALENT IN ALL MEDIUMS + VISION, INGENUITY, ELEGANCE, HARMONY, "3D MIND", IMAGINATION!
✳ PERFORMATIVE & COMPOSITIONAL MUSICAL EDUCATION, SKILL, TALENT + PITCH, DEXTERITY, RANGE, MEMORY, LYRICAL SKILL
✳ WISDOM, INSIGHT, REASON, UNDERSTANDING, COMPREHENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF THE STRUCTURES OF THINGS, ABLE TO GRASP "HOW IT WORKS"
✳ PRODIGAL LANGUAGE SKILL = POETRY, FICTION, SCREENPLAY, SPEECH, ARTICLE, ADVICE, ETYMOLOGY, VOCABULARY, ETC. + PROLIFIC AUTHOR & POET & LYRICIST & SPEAKER
✳ HOLY SOCIAL INTELLIGENCE; TRUE EMPATHY, DIALOGUE, WARMHEARTED, SELF-GIVING, PASSIONATE FOR JUSTICE; EDUCATED ON HUMAN PSYCHE, CULTURE, BEHAVIOR, HEALTH; FULLY HONOR THE REALITY OF BEING INCARNATE; "LIVING SACRIFICE"
✳ ABSTRACT REASONING, SPATIAL JUDGMENT, INTUITIVE SOLUTION DISCERNMENT, PATTERN RECOGNITION
✳ THE CREATIVE GENIUS OF A CHILD
✳ WONDER, ADVENTUROUS SPIRIT, DARING
✳ MENTALLY ATHLETIC (BODY TOO)
✳ POLYGLOT, POLYMATH
✳ TRUE PIETY, LOVE, HOPE, JOY
✳ MATHEMATICS & LOGIC
✳ VIRTUE, INTEGRITY, SELF-CONTROL, SELF-KNOWLEDGE, PURPOSEFUL, DRIVEN, MOTIVATED, FOCUSED
✳HONORABLE REPUTATION; HOLY LIFE AND DEATH
"FIAT VOLUNTAS TUA!"

"What makes a healthy mind?"
WONDER, OPENNESS TO CHANGE & GROWTH, LEARNING NEW THINGS & SKILLS, CURIOSITY, DIVERSE INTERESTS, DAILY PURSUIT OF GROWTH/ ENRICHMENT

"What are some things you want to completely remove from your mental space?"
OBSESSION, TRAUMA, COMPULSION, SLOTH, LOW SELF-ESTEEM

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"Add some new energy you want to bring into your life."
(MAKE SPACE FOR IT; INVITE AND PURSUE IT!)
(ADD MEANING AND PURPOSE TO LIFE)
✳ FIND NEW (& FAVE) SONGS TO (UNIQUELY) SING & FINALLY MAKE AN ALBUM!
✳ PICK ONE LANGUAGE AND SERIOUSLY LEARN IT
✳ KEEP LEARNING ABOUT CREATION! (BIOLOGY, MATH, SCIENCE, ETC.) (SPACE TOO)
✳ READING CLASSIC LITERATURE, CHILDHOOD FAVES, NEW & UNIQUE LITERARY STYLES & GENRES, POETRY
✳ TAKE OUT A RANDOM BOOK/ MOVIE/ CD FROM THE LIBRARY
✳ VISIT A MUSEUM
✳ DANCE!
✳ "RENT" AN INSTRUMENT YOU'VE NEVER TRIED BEFORE; BUY A CHEAP ONE & PLAY WITH IT?
✳ EXPERIMENT WITH WRITING FOR NEW LITERARY GENRES/ STYLES OF POETRY; WORK TOWARDS GETTING PUBLISHED, EVEN IN A SMALL WAY (COLLECTION, CONTEST, ZINE)
✳ LOOK INTO/ DISCOVER/ LEARN NEW LITERARY ART FORMS & START PRACTICING! (FIND A NEW FAVE!)
✳ DISCOVER NEW MUSIC GENRES; GET ADVENTUROUS ON SPOTIFY & COLLECT INSPIRATION
✳ USE YOUR INSPIRATION LIST & BEGIN "TRANSPOSING" FAVE CHORDS & TECHNIQUES INTO FL/ NWC? STUDY FAVE LYRICS & LEARN HOW TO WRITE SIMILARLY TO THEM
✳ GET PUBLISHED ON SPOTIFY!
✳ EXPERIMENTING WITH NEW & UNUSUAL ARTISTIC MEDIA & STYLES, BUILDING A PORTFOLIO (LET JMC INSPIRE YOU‪‪ ♥‬)
✳ VISIT A LOCAL ART GALLERY? WORK ON CREATING SOMETHING FOR IT, EVEN JUST FOR PRACTICE (BUT MAKE THAT THE GOAL!)
✳ FINDING LOCAL PLACES TO MAKE POSITIVE CONNECTIONS WITH LIKE-MINDED PEOPLE & GET INVOLVED IN LOCAL COMMUNITIES/ NEIGHBORHOOD (ESP. CHURCH, CREATIVE, LIBRARY)
✳ TAKE A FULL DAY TO JUST HAVE FUN & EXPLORE
✳ ↑ "SYSTEM DATE" OUTINGS?
✳ GO ON A NATURE HIKE
✳ JOIN THE LOCAL GYM; WORK OUT DAILY & TAKE GROUP CLASSES; EVEN SWIM??
✳ GO TO THE AQUARIUM
✳ GO TO SOME LOCAL EVENTS YOU'D TYPICALLY NOT ATTEND? BE CURIOUS!
✳ SPEND REAL TIME WITH THE FAM DOING WHATEVER (ADVENTURE)
✳ GET INVOLVED IN ONLINE CATHOLIC COMMUNITY
✳ GET A CRICUT/ DESIGN SCREENPRINTS & STICKERS/ MAKE STUFF FOR THE LEAGUE/ MAKE STUFF FOR CHURCH (UNIQUE & WELL MADE & BEAUTIFUL)
✳ START A BLOG/ WEBSITE & START REGULARLY CREATING EDIFYING CONTENT + SHARING IT!
✳ TRYING NEW FOODS, VISITING NEW PLACES, KEEPING MY EYES & EARS OPEN TO INSPIRATION IN UNEXPECTED PLACES; CHERISH LIFE'S FULLNESS
✳ BE DARING!

● KEEP A CLEAN BODY/ HOUSE/ CLOTHES; REST; DO FUN THINGS TOO
● MAKE AN "ARTSPACE" IN THE LIVING ROOM!!
● GO TO LOCAL/ LIBRARY/ CHURCH/ FAM EVENTS!!

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"What do you want to receive in the mail?"
✳ LEAGUEWORLD FANART. = ART IS DIVINE and you CANNOT DRAW FANART WITHOUT A TOUCHED HEART. I want to SEE how the League LOOKS to OTHERS who LOVE it! I want to see how it images its beauty in THEIR hearts, unique & true! This is the MOST BELOVED THING to me. I will cherish even the tiniest scribble of loving art forever.
✳ LEAGUEWORLD FANMAIL = I want to HEAR, from the HEARTS of others, HOW & WHY the League has given THEM joy & love & even CHANGED THEIR LIVES. Dialogue & honest, vulnerable communication is vitally important to me & I need it. And the League is very much by soul put into media. To know it has done good things for others is bliss.
✳ WHAT I LOST = Part of me still wants that 2012 Leaguebox to FINALLY appear on my doorstep. That, and the little things I cherished as a child. But memories are seeds that can blossom into new life potential...
✳ SPECIAL EVENT ITEMS = Fahrenheit 451, signed. The double color FROST* vinyl records of Milliontown and Experiments in Mass Appeal (and Life in the Wires). Summer Wars steelbook. Really I just want to have more special events like those. Open your life to receive 'em!
✳ ANCHOR PLUSHIES = Genesis, Laurie, Xenophon, & Anxi. I want to embrace them in this physical world, too, even if only through this symbolic means.

"What would you love to regularly receive in the mail?"
LEAGUE/ SYSTEM FANMAIL & FANART.

"Why is receiving a package in the mail exciting?"
It feels like "unwrapping a mystery;" it's a "DISCOVERY" thrill.

"What time of year is best to receive a package?"
Christmas/ WINTER. The quiet, still, cold weather somehow gives more meaning & magic to sudden gifts arriving, like tiny miracles-- bundles of love and color and wonder in this blessedly silent season.

● Who CAN I send mail to? WHY am I so "scared" of the concept of a penpal? Is it because it feels like a "compulsion" for social/ verbal exhaustion, and/ or "forced disclosure"? Can I write letters while still respecting my boundaries? (I HAVE tried to have penpals multiple times and have failed miserably; I have a pattern of oversharing, rambling blindly, and "parroting" everything the other said in their previous letter)

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"When do you feel most stuck? How often do you feel stuck?"
When I compare myself to others who are "normal" & "successful," and when my poor mother voices her frustration & disappointment with how I failed to live up to those "standards." I then feel like I "should" be "further along" than I am in life, or otherwise "accomplished" in worldly ways. But MY LIFE IS DIFFERENT AND THAT'S OKAY. I'm NOT "STUCK" just because I've had many struggles & pitfalls. God is still orchestrating my life and I can ONLY "get stuck" if I RESIST HIS WILL. Otherwise, all I need to do is TRUST & BE PATIENT & LISTEN TO HIS VOICE & OBEY. If I follow Him, I WILL get WHERE I need to be, and WHEN I need TO be there. The world cannot know or judge that.

"What makes you feel stuck or isolated?"
I feel isolated for the same reason as I feel stuck: I fear I'm a freak, or aberration, or something "unfit" for/ "unwelcome" in "normal" society. I feel like I'm a reject, a failure. But that's a devilish lie. GOD LOVES ME & SO DO OTHER PEOPLE! I just need to STEP OUT & BE WITH THEM, and it will PROVE that I AM WANTED.

"How do you usually cope in these kinds of situations?"
My best ways to cope: PRAYER & LEAGUEWORK, AND SYSTEM LOVE. ALL of those things CONNECT me to REAL LOVE & PURPOSE & MEANING & BELONGING. They are my DOORS to the rest of humanity, the blessed cords that unite my heart to theirs in truth & beauty. If ANYTHING will INSTANTLY make me feel unstuck, it's FLOWING in CREATIVITY/ WORSHIP/ LOVE. In the BEST circumstances, these occur ALL TOGETHER. And THAT IS MY LIFE & PURPOSE & TRUE SELF. There is no need to compare myself to anyone else, or feel stuck. As long as I am connecting to love & joy & grace, I am truly living FREE.

"Write what you are feeling stuck with now."
Life progress. I WANT & NEED to move forwards in terms of "CAREER" & PURPOSE. But I'm on disability for the time being & cannot continue college due to that AND finances/ transportation... AND "direction." From my childhood I've felt CALLED to be an "artist/ writer/ musician." I HAVE talents & abilities in those fields, but they NEED to be developed. Do I have time? Am I too old to succeed in those fields? And what steps do I take to finally "make something of my life" in the world for other people? Will I finally make my family proud? I sincerely WANT to use my gifts & bless others by them. But I can't quite see what first step to take. I feel overwhelmed & confused & lost. How can I genuinely move forward at last in my life? I HAVE a purpose; how do I LIVE it out? I'm running out of time. I'm running out of life.

"What will loosen the lid?"
START NOW, WITH WHAT YOU HAVE, AND DON'T QUIT. EVER. Maybe you CAN'T just "jump back in" to life/ career/ success. And really to expect to is unrealistic. BE PATIENT & DO THE GOOD WORK. Start building more skills. Try new things & keep learning & practicing & improving EACH DAY, because you OBJECTIVELY WILL IF YOU PERSEVERE! Yeah you may feel like you have the education & skill level of a child right now. GOOD. THAT'S A SOLID STARTING POINT, AND CHILDREN HAVE AN OPENNESS TO CREATIVE INVENTION & ORIGINALITY THAT ADULTS CAN LOSE TO THE "UTILITARIAN" RIGIDITY GRIND. If you're still a child in your talents, KEEP THAT AT HEART, EVEN AS YOU WORK TOWARDS BECOMING A REAL PROFESSIONAL. And you CAN. And you WILL, AS LONG AS YOU NEVER GIVE UP. God HAS GIVEN YOU REAL AND BEAUTIFUL GIFTS IN ART & MUSIC & LANGUAGE, EVEN NOW, AND GOD WANTS YOU TO USE THEM FOR HIS GLORY & PRAISE-- SO GOD WILL HELP YOU TO BE A GOOD STEWARD OF THEM, AS LONG AS YOU ASK HIM TO AND LET HIM HELP YOU! So DON'T BE WORRIED. Just START the work and GRACE WILL BE GIVEN, to BUILD on that nature. TRUST IN YOUR CREATOR. HE MADE YOU WITH THOSE TALENTS & INTERESTS & IDEAS, WITH YOUR UNIQUE DISPOSITION & PERSONALITY & HISTORY & CIRCUMSTANCES. He KNOWS EXACTLY how you feel AND where you are in life, AND HE IS IN CONTROL, ORCHESTRATING IT ALL WITHOUT FAIL, SO TRUST HIS PROVIDENCE AND ENTER INTO ITS FLOW. COOPERATE WITH GRACE BY MAKING SPACE FOR IT THROUGH MAKING TIME TO USE YOUR GIFTS AS YOUR GENUINE SELF AND TO KEEP PRAYING!! GOD WILL OPEN THE DOORS YOU NEED, WHEN YOU NEED THEM, IF YOU ARE READY AND WILLING TO ENTER THEM WHEN THEY APPEAR-- SO START NOW AND DON'T QUIT!! ♥

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"What moments in time and space would you place in a glass globe to revisit any time?"
✳ JULY 7TH, 2011
✳ The Xanga sessions when:
● Laurie let all her walls down at last
● Jay & Chaos 0 realizing Xenophon was theirs
● EVERYONE in the Coregroup got poetic at the end
● Laurie talked Jay out of suicide for TWELVE HOURS
● Infinitii & Laurie talked by themselves at first
✳ The night when Laurie & I lay on the car roof & watched the stars
✳ CHRISTMAS 2013
✳ Good Friday with the System
✳ When Jessie held my hand at UPMC
✳ When I saw JMC for the first time
✳ Eating a "wedding cake" cupcake alone in church in the dark
✳ Dancing with Xenophon in the kitchen in 2015
✳ Genesis & I at Marywood
✳ EVERY late night hour with Chaos 0

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"What do you need to enlighten your mind and calm your emotions? What do you need to be the best version of yourself? What do you need to be happy & healthy?"

✳GOD'S GRACE
✳THE ENTIRE SYSTEM IN LOVING HARMONY & FREEDOM
✳THE COREGROUP
✳GRATITUDE IN EVERY CIRCUMSTANCE
✳FREEDOM OF SPIRIT TO LIVE WITH THE JOY OF A CHILD & FIND BEAUTY EVERYWHERE
✳DAILY SELF-REFLECTION
✳DAILY JOURNALING
✳DAILY TALKS WITH THE SYSTEM
✳CONSISTENT, SINCERE EFFORT & WORK ON BUILDING THE LEAGUE IN EVERY ASPECT
✳UNCONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE & EMBRACING OF MY BODY & STATE IN LIFE SO I CAN INTEGRATE IT ALL INTO A LIFE OF LOVING WORSHIP
✳COURAGE, HOPE, PATIENCE, DETERMINATION, VALOR, INTEGRITY, LOVE
● INEXHAUSTIBLE IMAGINATIVE VISION + INSPIRATION + CREATIVE GENIUS + ZEAL + CURIOSITY & WONDER + JOY + FREEDOM TO EXPLORE
● ARTISTIC/ ILLUSTRATIVE SKILL & ACCESS TO DIFFERENT MEDIUMS + SPACETIME TO FREELY CREATE
● MUSICAL EDUCATION & SKILL & ACCESS TO DIFFERENT INSTRUMENTS + DEXTERITY, PERFECT PITCH, VOCAL RANGE
● THE TECHNOLOGY & EDUCATION & CREATIVE GENIUS NEEDED TO COMPOSE OST MUSIC
● QUIET ALONE TIME
● RESTFUL SLEEP & INSPIRING DREAMS
● ACCESS TO THE WOODS & MOUNTAINS
● ACTIVE CHURCH INVOLVEMENT
● FRESH AIR
● LOVE OF FAMILY + INTERACTIONS
● TRUE FRIENDSHIPS + DEEP TALKS
● GET SMART
● GET BUFF

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"What would be the BEST GIFT to give someone?"
(GIVEN WITH = COMPASSION/ GENEROSITY/ EMPATHY/ THOUGHTFUL/ DELIBERATE)
(GIVEN FOR = NEEDS/ VALUES/ PRIORITIES/ WANTS/ DREAMS/ HOPES/ INTERESTS/ CAREER/ HOBBIES)
(GIFTS = "LOVE LANGUAGES"??)

✳ [GREEN]= He has changed SO MUCH, I'm not sure. He loves playing bass guitar, & is still into learning about "enlightenment" & the human brain/ psyche? But I think he truly values COMPANY. He's very affectionate & says he feels unloved. My BEST gift would LEGIT be CANCELLING THE BLOODY PFA & just opening that door TO welcome him back into my life as BROTHER & FRIEND.
✳ [YELLOW]= I need to get to know him better. All I do know is he loves FLYING/ PILOTING, PHOTOGRAPHY, and possibly PORTRAIT ART. I would want to support THAT with a gift. Does he need art supplies, or books for techniques? Would he want a new & professional camera? Maybe right now my TRUE gift would be to SHOW this care & interest in him, & start TALKING to him about it.
✳ [BLUE]= He likes anime now, & used to be into the music scene. He also works out ALL the time. I suppose one could get him a subcscription to his meal delivery service or online anime streaming. But what's his REAL NEED? I want to know. Maybe THAT'S a good "gift" from me to him-- a caring & interested sister, to TALK TO & ENJOY THINGS WITH.
✳ DAD= He lives a simple life & I don't get to see him much, but THAT is ABSOLUTELY the best gift for him-- QUALITY TIME WITH HIS DAUGHTER, and NOT "IN A RUSH" OR TALKING NEGATIVELY. I want to have UPLIFTING talks with him to give him HAPPINESS about his family. Give GOOD words!
✳ MOM= "Money" is only a means to an end. What she seems to WANT is BEAUTY & JOY & PURPOSE. I can give her MY TIME & LABOR to help her renovate the house & gardens. I can give her DECOR for the gardens? Maybe even a special plant or flower, to plant & grow? She DOES like sensory beauty too: dinner at a nice restaurant, her favorite perfume, tickets to a new show/ concert/ movie, pretty jewelry, etc. But for me personally I think the BEST thing I can give her is MY LOVE & HELP & FRIENDSHIP AS HER DAUGHTER. I can give her my committed presence in her life as she grows old, no matter what.
✳ IN GENERAL... I don't like giving "things" as gifts, possibly because I don't "value" mere "stuff" that much. Any physical-object gift I WOULD treasure would have to have REAL, DEEP, & PERSONAL meaning-- OR JUST TRUE SINCERITY on the part of the giver. Like these red heart pajamas. Mom got them for me not just to give me clothes to keep me warm, comfy & soft, but ALSO because SHE KNOWS MY AESTHETIC. So it was GENUINELY THOUGHTFUL and although they're not a "best" gift I DO cherish them truly, gratefully, with love. THAT'S how I WANT TO GIVE TO OTHERS. I despise "cheap" options like just cash or a giftcard UNLESS it's financing a REAL WANT/ NEED. I want to give MEANING. Which is WHY I ALWAYS GIVE CARDS WITH PERSONAL MESSAGES. THAT'S true gift.

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"Write some of your inflexible & stubborn thoughts & beliefs."
● I CANNOT BE MY "TRUE SELF" IF I AM "FAT"
● BEING "HEAVY" WILL MAKE ME SELFISH & CRUEL
● I AM NOT ALLOWED TO DISLIKE WHATEVER SOMEONE ELSE LIKES
● I MAKE STUPID AND HARMFUL CHOICES/ DECISIONS

"What are the thoughts and personal ideas that grow you?"
● I AM LOVED AND MY LIFE HAS VALUE AND MY SOUL IS THE SAME NO MATTER HOW MY BODY CHANGES
● EVEN THE "MISTAKES" I MAY MAKE CAN BECOME TEACHING LESSONS TO GROW EVER WISER & KINDER
● I HAVE MANY GIFTS & TALENTS THAT WILL BRING JOY TO COUNTLESS PEOPLE
● DISCOVERING MY UNIQUE PREFERENCES HELPS ME TO VALUE THOSE OF OTHERS
● A BIG BODY CAN BE POWERFUL TO HELP OTHERS

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"What does a "good time" look like to you? What are the similarities & differences with other responses?"
I DON'T like "crowded/ busy/ noisy" outings, like fairs, amusement parks, live concerts, church picnics, etc. A "good time" for me is more quiet, slow, creative, yet inspiring & inciting positive action-- I also don't like "just hanging out" or lounging. I value IMAGINATIVE/ ADVENTUROUS yet QUIET/ PERSONAL time? I DO want to LEARN HOW to have a GOOD TIME with OTHER PEOPLE without getting overwhelmed/ burnt out/ legit upset. This REQUIRES brave attempts with an OPEN MIND/ HEART and a POSITIVE/ OPTIMISTIC/ WILLING attitude! CHOOSE to have a GOOD TIME as much as you SINCERELY can. Commit to the effort!

"How can you have more good times?"
EXPLORE & TRY, then DISCOVER what YOU LOVE & ENJOY doing & "SCHEDULE IT IN" more! And BE OPEN to UNEXPECTED good times, too! If you're willing TO have good times, no matter where you are, you WILL become ABLE TO have them * enjoy more, that you might have "excluded" from possibility before. BE GRATEFUL ALWAYS.

"Who else is present when you are having a good time?"
Me & the System, typically. BUT, I HAVE had good times with the fam in the past and want to again. And there HAVE been pretty good times even here in TBHU! Ultimately, I CAN have a good time potentially with anyone who is kind & friendly & brighthearted too.
✳YOU CANNOT HAVE A GOOD TIME EVER IF YOU'RE TOO PESSIMISTIC/ RIGID TO DO SO!

"How long should a good time last?"
As long as it lasts. Don't force it to keep going or that will damage the joy. Treasure it IN THE MOMENT, and savor the NOW. Let the memories be golden. And let more good times happen however & whenever they may.

"What does a good time, or even a great time, look like for you?"
● Late night Spotify sessions on the couch with Chaos 0 & Laurie & Genesis
● Wandering through Diamew, especially now that it's being brought back to life
● Being out in the snowy woods, especially exploring, even just standing & savoring it
● Good long heartfelt conversations with the System about anything & everything, at all hours
● A day of productive hard work, good talks, shared meals, & fun times with the family
● Exhausting & exhilarating workouts while listening to good tunes (SUPER SONIC RACING!)
● Playing a favorite video game: KLONOA DTP, SONIC, NIER GESTALT, DISHONORED, POKEMON, MEDABOTS?
● Singing & dancing to favorite music/ revisiting good music memories/ UPSTAIRS CONCERTS
● Watching a favorite film: FERNGULLY, WE'RE BACK, INSIDE OUT 2, POKEMON, BELLE, SUMMER WARS, etc.
● Creating art & seeing the results of beauty & joy, especially digital work, paintblots, painting?
● Personality surveys, poetry, creative writing & prompts, playing on FL, playing with instruments
● Walking in a circle at night with music on & IMAGINING LEAGUE STORIES for HOURS
● Doing League WORLDBUILDING/ CHARACTER PROFILES and seeing LIFE FLOURISH thereby
● A day out driving & having SYSTEM FUN? Feeling ALIVE. Praising God in the BEAUTY of it all
● Just being silly & playful with the System/ in the mirror/ LAUGHING!

"What makes a good time?"
Doing/ experiencing things that resonate with my true core/ soul/ heart; being ABLE to TRULY/ FULLY be "ME," treasuring the simple joy of being alive, FEELING alive, being inspired/ edified/ uplifted; ALWAYS LOVE & JOY.
✳ PLAYFULNESS & "FUN" ARE ACTUALLY VITAL! (ARGUABLY, GOD "PLAYS" ALL THE TIME. CREATION IS SHEER JOY.)
✳ JOY, SELF-EXPRESSIVE OPENNESS/ SINCERITY, WONDER, CREATIVE EXPRESSION/ INSPIRATION, INTERNAL PEACE, A SENSE OF SELF-LOVE & CONNECTION TO GOD & THE WORLD, CHERISHING THE GIFT OF LIFE, GRATITUDE, CHILDLIKE SPIRIT, FRIENDSHIP, TRUE CONNECTION, PURPOSE/ VALUE, FULFILLMENT

"Who is around when you are having a good time?"
Chaos 0, Laurie, Genesis, Xenophon, Lynne, Leon, Julie, Scalpel, Knife, Mimic, Celebi, and God willing one day EVERYONE IN THE SYSTEM. I WANT AND NEED to be THAT LOVINGLY CLOSE to ALL OF US. I NEED to be able to "have a good time" with ANY ONE OF US-- Razor, Waldorf, Spice, Shirley & Sirius, Adelaide & Audrey, Mulberry, Algorith, Siobhan, EVERYONE-- it's been TOO LONG and there are TOO MANY OF US STILL MISSING & TOO MANY EMPTY SLOTS and my heart hurts. How can I EVER truly be myself, FULLY, or LIVE LIFE fully, if PARTS OF MY SOUL ARE MISSING?? We NEED to come back to life, IN LOVE, healed & healthy AT LAST. And it WILL take time & excruciating effort & LOTS of therapy & journaling & talking & CONNECTION. But THAT'S WHAT WE WANT. It's LOVE. It's TRUTH. It's worth EVERYTHING. And when we FINALLY DO COME BACK ALL TOGETHER, then we WILL have more "good times" than we can even count. We used to. We STILL CAN. Together our life is BEAUTIFUL. So MAKE THAT OUR #1 "RECOVERY" GOAL-- to RECOVER OUR LOST VOICES.

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"Why do you want what you want?"

I WANT=
TO LIVE OUT MY CREATIVE TALENTS FULLY, AND PUBLISH THE LEAGUE AS COMPLETELY AS POSSIBLE

"What will it do for you?"
(LIFE TO THE FULLEST)
It will finally bring my inner vision & true self into tangible reality, fulfilling my long-hidden but God-given purpose. It will finally bring me into the world as I am at heart, to share my talents for the good of others.
It will BRING ABSOLUTE JOY to my life.

"How do you get what you want?"
(It's NOT something that CAN be "earned" or "bought")
STOP SILENCING YOUR HEART. Be courageous and OPEN UP and LET THE LIGHT OUT. The secret is, I "already HAVE it" AS an "unopened gift." If I just ACCEPT that it IS there & USE it, it will naturally FLOURISH in response to my efforts & trust.

"How will it make you think & feel?"
I will FEEL joy, hope, love, purpose, excitement, wonder, courage, fulfillment.
I will THINK about what I can GIVE, what BEAUTY is there, what is POSSIBLE, what GOOD I can do for others AND myself; my thoughts will be ORIENTED TOWARDS GENEROSITY and GRATITUDE.


I WANT=
● TO BE PHYSICALLY STRONG
● TO BE EMOTIONALLY BRAVE
● TO BE MENTALLY SMART
● TO BE SPIRITUALLY HOLY!
(HOW MUCH OF THESE VIRTUES DO I ALREADY HAVE? AM I ABE TO SEE THIS & LIVE IT?)
✳ I literally IDENTIFY WITH these qualities. To NOT have them in my life & self is EXISTENTIALLY TERRIFYING. (BUT my FEAR of NOT having them is ironically PREVENTING me FROM developing AND RECOGNIZING THEM IN ME!)

"What will it do for you?"
I will feel (BE?) adequate, useful, helpful, capable, & confident. I will feel able to fulfill my role & purpose. I will be able to do good hard work & labor with my hands, heart, AND head. I will no longer feel like a weak, useless, foolish, stupid, spineless coward. I will be able to rise to meet the challenges of life with zeal. My motives will be purified & oriented towards God. I will be GOOD at last.

"How do you get what you want?"
Physically, I NEED to work out daily & not give up or slack off, & I NEED to EAT to give it the fuel & the MATTER to BUILD all that muscle from. Emotionally, I need to NOT RUN AWAY from difficult, uncomfortable, challenging situations, but accept & enter willingly into them with trust in God. Mentally, I need to KEEP READING & RESEARCHING daily, seeking new & different skills & hobbies & topics of interest, and also engaging in "puzzles" to stay mentally flexible. Spiritually, I NEED to PRAY & REGULARLY READ SCRIPTURE/ RECEIVE THE SACRAMENTS.

"How will it make you think & feel?"
My emotions & thoughts will be disciplined & rightly ordered. I will be virtuous & a good example to others. Honestly the BIGGEST thing is that "I will FINALLY be ABLE to BE MYSELF." I CANNOT pursue OR accomplish my creative dreams & goals UNLESS I am BRAVE & SMART (COURAGEOUS & INTELLIGENT, DARING & WISE, BOLD & PRUDENT, etc.), and I am genuinely frightened of being PHYSICALLY WEAK/ INEPT because I genuinely cherish & value athletic ability and, admittedly, physical POWER. I feel almost foolish saying so but it's true-- I see muscular, strong, even bulky bodies-- like real warriors-- as beautiful. And in my mind, a body like that is FREE & CAPABLE. Really, THAT motivates ALL these ideals. I want to be/ feel LIBERATED and CONFIDENT in my ABILITY. I'm so tired of feeling USELESS, TRAPPED, HELPLESS, & SCARED. ...and it's that LAST ideal, HOLINESS, that colors & undergirds ALL the other virtues. Without it, they are ultimately HOLLOW. I can be built like a tank, utterly fearless, a creative genius with a comprehensive understanding of all creation, but... without ALL of that being FOCUSED ON GOD as its ULTIMATE goal & purpose & driving motivation, it's mere smoke. If I'm not VIRTUOUS in GRACE & LOVE above all else, it will not meet my DEEPEST wants at all. Strength, bravery, & smarts are ALL gifts from GOD, after all! And when faith is present, ALL things shine. I CAN be strong because GOD gives me strength on ALL levels. I CAN be brave because I TRUST Him and He ALWAYS protects & guides me. I CAN be smart because God has made Himself & His Creation knowable TO me. IT'S ALL HIM-- it's all LOVE.

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"What kind of store would you open?"
✳What are your INTERESTS, DESIRES, & PASSIONS that CAN be directed/ translated into something THIS DIRECTLY TANGIBLE, that OTHERS can benefit from just as tangibly? How can I channel the joys of my heart into the hearts of others, in a way they can hold as their very own joy?

STOREFRONT NAME=
"♥OFFICIAL STORE OF THE LIGHTRAYE LEAGUE (EST. 1995)★"

STORE INFORMATION=
"The ONLY place to buy ALL of your Lightraye League gifts & treasures! Whether you're looking for things to read, watch, play, listen to, collect, or just admire, we have what you're dreaming of! Stop by and share the joy with fellow dreamers! The real treasure is the LOVE!"

STORE WINDOWS/ ADS=
"ALL ARE WELCOME♥"
"NEW ITEMS ARE ADDED AS NEW DREAMS ARE DREAMED"
"BUY THE OSTS TO THE FILMS & GAMES"
"GET THE TV SERIES & BOOKS YOU LOVE"
"PLUSHIES & FIGURES OF YOUR FAVORITE CHARACTERS"
"LEAGUE FASHIONS & ACCESSORIES"
"ORIGINAL SIGNED ARTWORKS"


STOREFRONT NAME=
"dreamSEEDS (est. ∞)

STORE INFORMATION=
● SHARE WHAT YOU HAVE // GROW WHAT IS GIVEN ●
"The possibilities are as infinite as your imagination... but you never dream alone. GIVE a seed of yours and GET one gifted by another. Then CREATE a whole new world TOGETHER."

STORE WINDOWS/ ADS=
"a SWEET one? a SCARY one? MAKE A NEW DREAM"
"Make a wish" + "He loves me, he loves me not..." (added by a group member; this one was collaborative)




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"How do you love? Do you make room for love?"
You have to OPEN YOUR HEART to make room for love. You have to empty out the hardness of pride & egotism. You have to LET GO of addictions & fears & LET DOWN the walls. You have to release your grip on any hate, prejudice, judgment, grudges, bitterness, & worldliness. Love is BIG. It's INFINITE. It requires ALL OF YOU. You CANNOT make room for it if you aren't effectively letting love REDEFINE YOUR WHOLE SPACE. Love can't be "squeezed in." It can't be put into a corner. It WILL take up ALL the space & TRANSFORM it INTO ITSELF. Love CHANGES you, ENTIRELY.

"Where do you find love?"
IN GOD/ AT CHURCH/ IN HIS PEOPLE; in family & friends (MOM), IN THE LEAGUE & THE SYSTEM, reflected in the beauty of Creation itself, in my heart.

"How do you create love?"
Make SPACE & TIME for it. OPEN YOUR HEART to it. ACT on it even if your emotions haven't caught up. LOVE IS A CHOICE; A WILLING & SERVING THE HIGHEST GOOD OF THE OTHER. It is DIVINE & DOES NOT REQUIRE "FUZZY FEELINGS." YOU "CREATE" LOVE by LETTING GOD'S LOVE ACT THROUGH YOU (LIKE CHRIST)!!

"What kinds of love are there?"
ALL TRUE LOVE IS OF GOD. Family love, friend love, marriage love, love for Creation, & above all love for God Himself, which is the ULTIMATE ROOT & TRUE END/ GOAL of ALL "other" loves! (ALL LOVE, IN ALL "WAYS & CONTEXTS", IS RELATIONAL = TRINITY!!)

"Is love important and why?"
LOVE IS LITERALLY THE FOUNDATION, PURPOSE & SOUL OF REALITY ITSELF. IT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING. Without love, all there can remain is death & hell, because GOD IS LOVE. LOVE IS HEAVEN, the REASON WE EXIST & OUR TRUE DESTINY. LIFE ITSELF IS FOR LOVE, FROM LOVE.

"What's the difference between healthy love and unhealthy 'love'?"
"Unhealthy" love IS NOT LOVE AT ALL and it ANGERS me that the word is ever associated with abuse/ hate/ control/ obsession/ egotism/ lust/ etc. LOVE IS SELF-GIVING. It is MUTUAL, SACRIFICIAL, EXCLUSIVE, DEVOTED, KIND, JUST, TENDER, JOYFUL, TRUE, FAITHFUL, etc. Real love CANNOT be controlling or objectifying or self-focused. Healthy love comes from a healthy HEART, which we NEED GOD TO GIVE US-- freed from ego & oriented towards heaven. Healthy love is CHRIST'S LOVE!!

✳Some claim that "love also comes from nature, action, movement, etc." and "not just from people." THIS IS COMPLETELY FALSE. YOU CANNOT BE IN A MUTUALLY SELF-GIVING RELATIONSHIP WITH THOSE THINGS!! YOU CAN ONLY HAVE LOVE WITH PERSONS!! With that original perspective, however, the confusion is because LOVE COMES TO US ONLY TO THE EXTENT THAT LOVE=GOD COMES TO US IN THOSE THINGS AS THEIR CREATOR AND SUSTAINER AND GIVER (ONLY GOD CAN LOVE IN TRUTH; HE ENABLES US TO LOVE)! LOVE IS A WAY OF BEING!

"Please explain exactly the kind of love you want."
(I WANT GOD'S LOVE, IN EVERY CIRCUMSTANCE.)
(If it's NOT HIS LOVE, then IT'S NOT LOVE AT ALL!!)
✳ UNCONDITIONAL, COVENANTAL, WHOLEHEARTED, TRUE, SELF-GIVING, LIFE-GIVING, HONEST, COURAGEOUS, BEAUTIFUL, SACRIFICIAL, GENEROUS, JUST, FORGIVING, POWERFUL, GENTLE, PURE, FAITHFUL, JOYFUL, PATIENT, COMPASSIONATE, DEVOTED, etc.
I want to share JOYS & SORROWS. I want to FIGHT TOGETHER & PROTECT EACH OTHER & LIFT EACH OTHER UP & BECOME SAINTS TOGETHER.

"Where would it come from?"
The System, the League, the Church, my family, & TRUE FRIENDS. I genuinely DO want a human girlfriend that I can protect & dote on & create things with & love God with. Moreso even than that, I want DEEP & REAL relationships with the System, and COMMUNICATIVE/ HONEST closeness with family & friends. In the future, I admittedly also want the love of a fandom FOR the League that I love, to share that with the world in joy.

"What does this love feel like?"
Like a fire-- warm & safe & protective & lifegiving, yet powerful & brilliant & full of energy. It's DEEP & RAW & VULNERABLE & STRONG & TRUE. It feels like light & all the colors it reflects into, and it shines all the more strikingly in the dark. It feels welcoming and encouraging yet challenging. It calls me to heights. It also feels FREE, joyful & flowing, able to thrive fully in all circumstances. It's GROUNDED & PEACEFUL yet ADVENTUROUS & INSPIRING. It feels like life is forever worth living. It feels like true purpose. It feels like my heart. And I want to SHARE it entirely.

"How can you bring this kind of love into your life?"
I need to "put myself out there." I need to actively spend time with my family & church & neighbors, and TALK to them & LISTEN to them & DO things together. I need to find community spaces for potential friends & PARTICIPATE in them. I need to PUBLISH & SHARE my creative work. I need to READ my OWN work/ Archives and FEEL that love and LIVE IN IT. I need to take time to GO INSIDE & LOVE THE SYSTEM every day, to TALK & LIVE TOGETHER.

"What can this love do for you?"
I CAN ONLY BE MY REAL, TRUE SELF WHEN I LOVE. And love brings with it ALL the other virtues. ONLY LOVE CAN & WILL MAKE ME A SAINT. Love makes me a better, realer, holier person-- stronger, braver, warmer, sweeter. Love is my IDENTITY and my PURPOSE. Finally being ABLE to LIVE this truth will give me SO MUCH JOY & ZEAL TO LIVE! I CANNOT LOVE ALONE. I WANT RELATIONSHIPS WITH the SYSTEM, SO MUCH. I ADORE them. I DO want a girlfriend too, and loving HER will bring out ALL MY CAPACITY FOR DEVOTED SELF-GIFT & SERVICE. Loving my family & friends will make me a KINDER, NICER, FRIENDLIER person TO OTHERS! I will BE a SOURCE OF JOY TO THEM inasmuch as I MANIFEST LOVE. I will become a GOOD, RESPECTED, VALUABLE member of the community FOR THEIR SAKE. I will be a GOOD CHRISTIAN. I WILL LIVE FOR GOD'S GLORY & SERVICE BY BRINGING HIS LOVE TO ALL I MEET. That is what I TRULY WANT, more than ANYTHING.

"How do you love?"
Passionately, wholeheartedly, sincerely. Ask Chaos 0. EVEN in "platonic" relationships & family/ neighbor interactions, I GENUINELY AM WILLING AND WANTING TO HAVE THE STRONGEST & MOST SINCERE, DEDICATED relationship POSSIBLE with them IN THAT CONTEXT. Honestly I ACHE for communion in EVERY circumstance. I just LOVE PEOPLE, when you get down to the very core of me. But... I have to be honest as well in saying that I NEED CLOSE relationships THE MOST. I NEED & even CRAVE intimacy-- NOT sexual, but EMOTIONAL & SPIRITUAL. Physical closeness is nice but it's hollow & even distasteful without BOTH the SPIRIT & HEART close behind it. ...No matter what physical-level interactions I have, I will be completely missing my deepest need/ I will still feel unfulfilled & empty where it counts the most IF I DON'T HAVE THE GREATEST, DEEPEST LOVES: the love of the System, and the love of God. I NEED to pray & worship, and I NEED to "GO UPSTAIRS" and ADORE THOSE SOULS on a DAILY BASIS. If I was forced to neglect either, I think I would DIE inside. REMEMBER THAT. YOU CANNOT LOVE HUMANKIND OUTSIDE IF YOU DON'T FIRST TAKE THE TIME EVERY DAY TO LOVE THE CREATOR OF HUMANKIND, AND TO LOVE THE ONES WHO TAUGHT YOU WHAT LOVE TRULY LOOKED & FELT LIKE to begin with. I AM ME WITH THEM.
✳ THE COREGROUP IS ESSENTIAL TO YOUR WELLBEING ON EVERY LEVEL OF YOUR EXISTENCE. LOVE THEM EVERY DAY. (THAT IS A NEED!)


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