DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY ROLES + FONI

[prismaticbleed]

(from a worksheet we received; please discuss this further & see whether or not we have foni that still perpetuate these roles)



THIS IS ALL SO APPLICABLE TO OUR BIRTHFAM AND SYSTEM IT'S JARRING.

● "DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY ROLES ARE ALMOST A FORM OF CONTINUITY/ STABILITY OF THE FAMILY SYSTEM, STIFLING DEVELOPMENT ESPECIALLY IN CHILDREN"
● "MEMBERS MUST SUBMERGE PARTS OF THEIR PERSONALITIES & TAKE ON A ROLE SO THEY ARE LESS OF A THREAT TO THE FAMILY SYSTEM THAT MUST BE KEPT IN PLACE"
● "ALL THE ROLES IN A DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY ARE CODEPENDENT"
● "DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY MEMBERS MUST TAKE/ ARE ASSIGNED A ROLE TO MAKE UP THE WHOLE OF THE FAMILY; AS OPPOSED TO A FAMILY OF FULL PERSONS, A DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY SYSTEM CREATES JUST "ONE" PERSON= THE FAMILY ITSELF"
● "WHEN A MEMBER LEAVES, THIS CREATES AN ALMOST IRREPARABLE HOLE IN THE EXISTING SYSTEM; A DISCARDED ROLE THREATENS THE FAMILY STABILITY AS THERE IS NO ONE ELSE WILLING TO/ CAPABLE OF FULFILLING THAT ROLE"
● "A DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY NEEDS ALL MEMBERS TO FUNCTION AS A UNIT, NOT AS A COMMUNITY; THEY ARE ENMESHED"

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THE ENABLERS
+ "PARENT" = SHERILYN ("mom" role) (NURTURER)
+ "MARTYR" =
+ "WORRY/ FRET" =
+ "PROVIDER" =
+ "MOM TO MOM" =

● "FEELS THEY MUST KEEP THE FAMILY GOING IN THE PRESENCE OF A DYSFUNCTIONAL PARENT"
● "ENDS UP SUPPORTING DYSFUNCTIONAL BEHAVIOR & ENFORCING CODEPENDENT ROLES THAT OTHERS ARE REQUIRED TO PLAY"
● "THEIR ENTIRE CONCEPT OF SELF IS BASED ON WHAT THEY CAN PROVIDE FOR OTHERS."
● "THIS CHILD WILL ATTEMPT TO FUNCTION AS THE SURROGATE PARENT" = IS THIS WHY I WANT TO BE LIKE DAD??
● "PROTECTS & TAKES CARE OF PROBLEM PARENT, SO THAT PARENT IS NEVER ALLOWED TO EXPERIENCE THE NEGATIVE CONSEQUENCES OF THEIR ACTIONS" = WE STILL DO THIS!!!
● "FEARS THAT IF THEY DON'T PREVENT THE DYSFUNCTIONAL PARENT'S CRISIS, THE FAMILY WON'T SURVIVE"

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THE HEROES
+ "NORMAL = PERFECT" CHILD?
+ "SUCCESS" =
+ "BRAVE & STRONG" =
+ "RESPONSIBLE" =

● "OVER-RESPONSIBLE, SELF-SUFFICIENT, PERFECTIONISTIC, OVERACHIEVERS, COMPULSIVE OVERWORKERS"
● "PARENTS LOOK TO THIS CHILD TO PROVE THAT THEY ARE GOOD PARENTS & GOOD PEOPLE"
● "MASKS AND MAKES UP FOR THE DYSFUNCTIONAL HOME LIFE"
● "THEIR GOAL IN LIFE IS TO ACHIEVE SUCCESS; HOWEVER THAT HAS BEEN DEFINED BY THE FAMILY"
● "THEY MUST ALWAYS BE BRAVE AND STRONG" = HATE WEAKNESS AND COWARDICE
● "SAVES THE FAMILY BY BEING PERFECT AND MAKING IT LOOK GOOD"

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THE GOLDEN CHILDREN
+ "VICTIM" =
+ "WITNESS" =
+ "ABUSER" =
+ "PROJECT" =

● "RECIPIENT OF ALL THE NARCISISSTIC PARENT'S POSITIVE PROJECTIONS AND IS THEIR FAVORITE CHILD"
● "VICTIM OF EMOTIONAL AND COVERT SEXUAL ABUSE"
● "WITNESS TO/ PARTAKER IN THE ABUSE OF OTHER SIBLINGS" = THIS HAPPENED TO US AND IT SCARRED US HORRIBLY

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THE SCAPEGOATS
+ "TRUTH TELLER" =
+ "PROBLEM CHILD" = JEZEBEL??
+ "HOSTILE/ DEFIANT" =
+ "NEGATIVE ATTENTION" =

● "TROUBLEMAKER; ALWAYS SEEMS DEFIANT, HOSTILE, AND ANGRY"
● "VERBALIZES/ ACTS OUT THE "PROBLEM" WHICH THE FAMILY IS ATTEMPTING TO COVER UP OR DENY"
● "BEHAVIOR WARRANTS NEGATIVE ATTENTION & IS A GREAT DISTRACTION FOR EVERYONE FROM THE REAL ISSUES AT HAND"
● "THEY GET ATTENTION THE ONLY WAY THEY KNOW, WHICH IS NEGATIVELY" = DOES THIS PLAY INTO MY "HURT ME TO SHOW YOU LOVE ME" BELIEF MENTALITY???