addict

[prismaticbleed]

watching helluva boss/ hazbin hotel clips over the past week or so

"addict" video today, keep looping 0:33 - 1:12
that expression at 0:50 with "this is my life" just... does something to me, it hurts,
saw it and immediately thought "that's the sort of thing you used to write about" so here we are

listen i've only seen the pilot and a bunch of clip collections but let me tell you,
angel dust is giving me such cupid vibes it scares me as much as it breaks my heart.

...and then cherry bomb shows up with her infi-esque eye & teeth and i just
man this whole vid is hitting weirdly hard

(btw she is so cute especially at 2:21 & 2:37 i can see why sir pentious was so smitten)
(TALK ABOUT HIM TOO btw he's both hilarious & precious)


but... that bit i keep looping. it's so jay. and... we haven't really felt that out yet, not so acutely.
he was... i'll be blunt. the entire jay bloodline was hypersexual. it was half trauma coping, half... desire, really. it was. jay loved people, so much, and that much.
...and yet, that bit at 1:05 is too accurate. "i'm addicted to the madness," the pink spider sings, posing seductively even as post-rape flashback images flicker across the screen.

"this is my life." and yet he's already dead. he's dead and he sold his soul and he's trapped in an abusive environment and yet this is my life. we know how that feels.

...


...that expression, at 0:50. when i saw it, like a sword to the heart, i immediately also thought, "that's the sort of look that would immediately give him outspacer potential."
i don't know if it's possible though. he's too dangerous, with our own trauma, and with his native canon. i don't think he'd be allowed in. just like mettaton was never allowed in. there's too much risk there.
...still. angel has pain. metta didn't have anything like this. and pain, especially of this sort, is so agonizingly relatable that it "links" him in a totally different way that jewel would. angel has potential because he already knows what our life is like. and we know what his is like, far too much.

...


oh and we NEED to talk about THIS one
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZcaaDTNP4d8
and the comments on it

https://www.reddit.com/r/HazbinHotel/comments/1by9tls/these_flashes_in_the_addict_music_video_are/



(left unfinished for now, because this series is very unsafe for our brain and HIGHLY TRIGGERING for obvious reasons. after this entry we honestly had a trauma meltdown for DAYS with repercussions that we're STILL reeling from, and we don't want that to happen again. unfortunately, the topics here are still piercingly relevant and need to be discussed when we are capable; this trauma still needs to be processed and this vid is the first time we've been able to face it in years. it's just terrifying.)