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[prismaticbleed]

✱Laurie CHALLENGED me to NOT DOUBLE ANYTHING ON THE MEALPLAN (except BK items) so I DIDN'T! Plus, Madison APPROVED our "double entree dinners" because they're FIXED PORTIONS & we meet ALL OUR EXCHANGES WITHOUT LOADING UP ON SIDES. So we're OUT OF HELL, thank GOD!! The next big challenge is CRABCAKES ON HALLOWEEN!
✱ON THAT NOTE, I am TRYING to reassure myself that I'm NOT DYING because I JUST ATE SHRIMP! (HEAVEN! NOW!) But we CAN'T keep doing this, haha. Seriously we SKINTESTED NEGATIVE. TWICE. The shrimps are safe. Good. I AM itchy BUT the soymilk did this too so I'm betting it's anxiety, girl you better get over here so I can kiss you & calm down.
For the record SHRIMP TASTES SO DIFFERENT! They're BUTTERY with a hint of OCEAN, with SUCH an ODD texture. And they give an IMMEDIATE "atmosphere flashback" to SOMETHING I think in childhood?? I'm not sure but it's fascinating. I'll have to reflect on that more, for the sake of recalling & reintegrating the inevitably UNIQUE situations we would've had them in! But, for the record, my immediate "vibe" is that I'm not a fan? But I'm INTRIGUED. Something in me DOES vibe with seafood, maybe just as a concept? No, I DO like fish. And we'll find out about CRAB this Thursday! But it's cool, to discover all this anew. God's creatures are beautiful & fascinating and there is something INEFFABLY INTIMATE about the FACT that GOD INVENTED FOOD as... well. We EAT creation. We take each other INTO each other & we GROW from it, TOGETHER in a mysterious way. And THAT is why I DO CHERISH FOOD AS A REALITY. It's COMMUNION. It's UNITIVE. It's BEAUTIFUL. And the E.D. was DESECRATING IT. Which is WHY I AM LIBERATING THE SHRIMPS. (AND chocolate soymilk, for the record, which I had the MAD GUTS to try for the FIRST TIME at snack afterwards with NO SYMPTOMS EITHER!) And I will ALSO liberate the CRAB & HAM & WALNUTS & EVERYTHING ELSE I CAN, for the sake of LIFE & LIFE'S CREATOR. The reflux is a small price to pay for freedom from fear & judgment, and I can OFFER IT UP as PENANCE for the ABUSE I used to deal out TO life, in BOTH FOOD AND MY OWN BODY. Yes, it IS scary & uncomfortable, BUT! It's actually giving me the OPPORTUNITY to ACTIVELY REFUSE to give in to LEGIT PURGE TRIGGERS. I am FIGHTING! It's SUPPOSED to be a struggle! That's how VIRTUE grows! And so I THANK GOD for this, as hard as it is, because I can GLIMPSE ITS PURPOSE and it is a TRUE CROSS & so it is HOLY & REDEMPTIVE & GOOD. I just need GRACE for ALL of this or I'll fail. But God WANTS me to WIN, IN HIM. So Lord, THY WILL BE DONE!


✱BOY I JUST SANG "I STILL HAVE THAT OTHER GIRL" LIVE KARAOKE AND I AM SHAKING IT WAS AWESOME. ❤ I CAN DO IT MAN!! THANK YOU GOD FOR THE GUTS!! AND THE TALENT AND THE LOVE! Seriously I feel BLOWN OUT LIKE AN EASTER EGG and I NEED TO DO THIS IN THE FUTURE AS SELFGIFT TO OTHERS. GO MAKE SOME MUSIC!!
(...also. For the record, who did my heart think of? Laurie, Anxi, Jena, & Celebi.❤)

✱btw I realized this on Friday night but ANXI HAS GREEN EYES. And she's SHORT.
LORD I HAVE WEAKNESSES AND THANK YOU FOR GIVING THEM TO ME, SERIOUSLY. I am SO IN LOVE with her (& CZ) & I can only imagine what the future will bring. I'm so blessed.


✱I should continue to get grape juice with every challenge meal & "DRINK THE CUP." Keep the GOAL/PURPOSE in mind!