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[prismaticbleed]

✱Laurie CHALLENGED me to NOT DOUBLE ANYTHING ON THE MEALPLAN (except BK items) so I DIDN'T! Plus, Madison APPROVED our "double entree dinners" because they're FIXED PORTIONS & we meet ALL OUR EXCHANGES WITHOUT LOADING UP ON SIDES. So we're OUT OF HELL, thank GOD!! The next big challenge is CRABCAKES ON HALLOWEEN!
✱ON THAT NOTE, I am TRYING to reassure myself that I'm NOT DYING because I JUST ATE SHRIMP! (HEAVEN! NOW!) But we CAN'T keep doing this, haha. Seriously we SKINTESTED NEGATIVE. TWICE. The shrimps are safe. Good. I AM itchy BUT the soymilk did this too so I'm betting it's anxiety, girl you better get over here so I can kiss you & calm down.
For the record SHRIMP TASTES SO DIFFERENT! They're BUTTERY with a hint of OCEAN, with SUCH an ODD texture. And they give an IMMEDIATE "atmosphere flashback" to SOMETHING I think in childhood?? I'm not sure but it's fascinating. I'll have to reflect on that more, for the sake of recalling & reintegrating the inevitably UNIQUE situations we would've had them in! But, for the record, my immediate "vibe" is that I'm not a fan? But I'm INTRIGUED. Something in me DOES vibe with seafood, maybe just as a concept? No, I DO like fish. And we'll find out about CRAB this Thursday! But it's cool, to discover all this anew. God's creatures are beautiful & fascinating and there is something INEFFABLY INTIMATE about the FACT that GOD INVENTED FOOD as... well. We EAT creation. We take each other INTO each other & we GROW from it, TOGETHER in a mysterious way. And THAT is why I DO CHERISH FOOD AS A REALITY. It's COMMUNION. It's UNITIVE. It's BEAUTIFUL. And the E.D. was DESECRATING IT. Which is WHY I AM LIBERATING THE SHRIMPS. (AND chocolate soymilk, for the record, which I had the MAD GUTS to try for the FIRST TIME at snack afterwards with NO SYMPTOMS EITHER!) And I will ALSO liberate the CRAB & HAM & WALNUTS & EVERYTHING ELSE I CAN, for the sake of LIFE & LIFE'S CREATOR. The reflux is a small price to pay for freedom from fear & judgment, and I can OFFER IT UP as PENANCE for the ABUSE I used to deal out TO life, in BOTH FOOD AND MY OWN BODY. Yes, it IS scary & uncomfortable, BUT! It's actually giving me the OPPORTUNITY to ACTIVELY REFUSE to give in to LEGIT PURGE TRIGGERS. I am FIGHTING! It's SUPPOSED to be a struggle! That's how VIRTUE grows! And so I THANK GOD for this, as hard as it is, because I can GLIMPSE ITS PURPOSE and it is a TRUE CROSS & so it is HOLY & REDEMPTIVE & GOOD. I just need GRACE for ALL of this or I'll fail. But God WANTS me to WIN, IN HIM. So Lord, THY WILL BE DONE!


✱BOY I JUST SANG "I STILL HAVE THAT OTHER GIRL" LIVE KARAOKE AND I AM SHAKING IT WAS AWESOME. ❤ I CAN DO IT MAN!! THANK YOU GOD FOR THE GUTS!! AND THE TALENT AND THE LOVE! Seriously I feel BLOWN OUT LIKE AN EASTER EGG and I NEED TO DO THIS IN THE FUTURE AS SELFGIFT TO OTHERS. GO MAKE SOME MUSIC!!
(...also. For the record, who did my heart think of? Laurie, Anxi, Jena, & Celebi.❤)

✱btw I realized this on Friday night but ANXI HAS GREEN EYES. And she's SHORT.
LORD I HAVE WEAKNESSES AND THANK YOU FOR GIVING THEM TO ME, SERIOUSLY. I am SO IN LOVE with her (& CZ) & I can only imagine what the future will bring. I'm so blessed.


✱I should continue to get grape juice with every challenge meal & "DRINK THE CUP." Keep the GOAL/PURPOSE in mind!


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Group worksheet about ELEMENTAL which is an UNEXPECTEDLY BEAUTIFUL MOVIE=

LESSONS

1. Our Body and Emotions May Have Deeper Meanings = they COMMUNICATE our MIND/ HEART/ SOUL to US, when we "aren't listening." ALL levels are CONNECTED. If we ignore an internal reality, it WILL manifest itself EXTERNALLY!

2. The Past Doesn't Have To Dictate The Future = WE HAVE FREE WILL, & A UNIQUE PURPOSE, & WE ARE NOT AUTOMATICALLY "DEFINED" BY WHAT HAPPENS TO US. 

3. Open Communication Is More Healthy = DON'T LIE, OR HIDE THE TRUTH, to YOURSELF OR OTHERS. Be HONEST & GENUINE no matter what. DON'T PUT UP A "PERFECT" FACADE, or DENY the truth "out of fear of offending someone." BE CLEAR & OPEN. 

4. We Are Better Together = ALL ELEMENTS ALWAYS EXIST IN HARMONY. We are MADE FOR COMMUNION!! LOVE, in ALL forms, IS WORTH EVERYTHING THAT IT "COSTS".  

QUESTIONS

1. If you could be an elemental person, which element would you like to be?
I've ALWAYS been fire at heart. Even as a Celebi, I never lost that element. The enthusiasm, passion, vitality, vivacity, temper, spontaneity, intensity, etc. ARE all facets of my personality since childhood. At my best, I'm bright & warm & lifegiving & illuminating. At my worst, I burn & burn out, destroy & devour to ash. But "I AM FIRE." I do love & honor my family & history, while still pursuing my creative "flare" & true love.

2. Why was Ember losing her temper while running the shop?
She kept saying "THAT'S NOT HOW THIS WORKS" when customers acted against "store rules" or spoke contrarily to her. She couldn't handle CONFLICT; she couldn't dialogue or compromise. It was "behave or begone." When irritated customers complained to her, she exploded at them. I wonder if she was "externalizing" an internal problem-- HER "complaint" of NOT wanting to run the shop, of wanting to live her own life, was "in conflict" with "shop rules." There was assumedly NO room FOR dialogue or compromise. This made her feel like "exploding," so she PROJECTED it instead of admitting it to herself-- it "wasn't allowed." Symbolically, the "TEMPERED" GLASS had to BREAK from the WATER PRESSURE behind it BEFORE she COULD be OPEN. 

3. Which character was your favorite and why?
WADE. He was SO GENUINE * PUREHEARTED & SWEET.
He had this INNATE SINCERITY to him? NOTHING "ruffled his feathers"; he only CRIED. He was TOO TENDERHEARTED to be offended or angry?? He FELT OTHERS' PAIN & that gave him COMPASSION & the ability to CONNECT with ANYONE effectively. Like water, he held & reflected LIGHT to others, but HE HAD DEPTHS, TOO. They just SHONE.