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prismaticbleedUNBEARABLE SELFHATRED AND RAGE after not talking to the lady downstairs since I had headphones on.
Laurie cutting me up to try and reset the brain
Leon headshots EXACTLY what I needed again. the rage was IN THE HEAD. needed to be shattered.
Laurie TRIED to eviscerate me (reached in and grabbed my intestines and ripped them out) but that didn't work?
Waldorf tried to use hammer but they don’t resonate with her
Lynne shot an arrow into our chest but the arrow felt WRONG. "something still there" and shouldn’t be. whole point was VIOLENCE, destruction, not adding something.
btw Laurie STARTED by decapitating me, and I was SO AWARE of the BODILY INJURY this time. like when my skull was blown off, or my jaw disconnected, or my throat full of blood, etc, I FELT IT. this was very unusual. but important.
also with the pointblank headshots, my blood got all over leon's face. laurie gave him SUCH a look. for a second I thought she was going to kiss him but that's my stupidity.
after I saw them sitting on the floor, in tears, laurie holding their foreheads together, both of them spattered red with my blood. I don't know how to process those feelings
upstairs later, cannon "blew a hole in my chest" and THAT worked. total devastation.
Knife showed up, alone with razor. knife plunged an actual knife into my chest and sliced down hard. this helped more than much else had that day
razor trying to do work too. but didn't help, wrong application. she was contrite but still wanting to help. her humility and hope shocks me. she's so pure at heart somehow
I WAS GETTING "INFI INSTINCT" TO "COUGH UP THE CALCIFICATION"
had to go "BLOOD FORM" to do so. all red tangle of wings and eyes and teeth. leaning black. feels like my heart-soul is ACHING for infi to come back but can't??
visions with Jesus and the Cross and His Blood. purifying the calcified crystal.
nailed my heart to the cross and his blood ran down from his heart over it. his blood had a shimmer to it like gold dust. mine was like ugly brown scabs
anyway it's almost two hours later and the selfloathing is still utterly unbearable like we swallowed bleach. cannot forgive self for "not talking to her" what the hell why are we like this.
god help us. please.
we need to type more.
but as of now we do need to eat. as much as we hate that too. I'm so sick of hate.
go eat some carrots and read the bible. beg god to help you let go of rage. it will kill you otherwise.
Laurie cutting me up to try and reset the brain
Leon headshots EXACTLY what I needed again. the rage was IN THE HEAD. needed to be shattered.
Laurie TRIED to eviscerate me (reached in and grabbed my intestines and ripped them out) but that didn't work?
Waldorf tried to use hammer but they don’t resonate with her
Lynne shot an arrow into our chest but the arrow felt WRONG. "something still there" and shouldn’t be. whole point was VIOLENCE, destruction, not adding something.
btw Laurie STARTED by decapitating me, and I was SO AWARE of the BODILY INJURY this time. like when my skull was blown off, or my jaw disconnected, or my throat full of blood, etc, I FELT IT. this was very unusual. but important.
also with the pointblank headshots, my blood got all over leon's face. laurie gave him SUCH a look. for a second I thought she was going to kiss him but that's my stupidity.
after I saw them sitting on the floor, in tears, laurie holding their foreheads together, both of them spattered red with my blood. I don't know how to process those feelings
upstairs later, cannon "blew a hole in my chest" and THAT worked. total devastation.
Knife showed up, alone with razor. knife plunged an actual knife into my chest and sliced down hard. this helped more than much else had that day
razor trying to do work too. but didn't help, wrong application. she was contrite but still wanting to help. her humility and hope shocks me. she's so pure at heart somehow
I WAS GETTING "INFI INSTINCT" TO "COUGH UP THE CALCIFICATION"
had to go "BLOOD FORM" to do so. all red tangle of wings and eyes and teeth. leaning black. feels like my heart-soul is ACHING for infi to come back but can't??
visions with Jesus and the Cross and His Blood. purifying the calcified crystal.
nailed my heart to the cross and his blood ran down from his heart over it. his blood had a shimmer to it like gold dust. mine was like ugly brown scabs
anyway it's almost two hours later and the selfloathing is still utterly unbearable like we swallowed bleach. cannot forgive self for "not talking to her" what the hell why are we like this.
god help us. please.
we need to type more.
but as of now we do need to eat. as much as we hate that too. I'm so sick of hate.
go eat some carrots and read the bible. beg god to help you let go of rage. it will kill you otherwise.
