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[prismaticbleed]

 
Couldn't fall asleep until 130 dude

Slept in until 715, looked outside, parking lot was flooded, went back to sleep.
Got up at 915, in exhausted pain.

ALL BIKE PRAYERS IN ~45M. THANK YOU FELIX.

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Roles= SUGAR VS WRECKAGE
Sugar protects the INNOCENT from being corrupted.
Wreckage protects the TRAUMATIZED from being hurt any more.
They both focus on protecting the Paidifoni. However, Sugar ALSO protects fellow nousfoni like Laurie from such virulent influences, and Wreckage frequently gets triggered out to protect the BODY-- as it is the home of many secret & shellshocked somafoni who have no other protection.
Sugar works INSIDE; Wreckage works OUTSIDE. Their "births" (need jargon!) ALSO occurred on these respective levels!!

We NEED to ponder Protectors in the System, especially since there are also apparently Defenders??
There are more specifics now, within a broader job description?Just like Archivists & Intercessors.
Wondering if CORES have this too. It sure seems like it.

Stunned during Angelus prayer= who briefly fronted but CHRISTINA???? SHE'S NOT DEAD????
We also had a glimpse of PATRICIA. DUDE WHAT EVEN.  
Apparently Christina "carries her sister with her," vibe-wise, as they're so closely bound in function-- like Knife & Razor, but even moreso; these two are practically twins.
The difference = one is Violet, one is Purple. I cannot remember which offhand, as their data is not familiar enough to be readily accessible; I have to "feel it" to know.


Evening =

Put one more string of multi lights on the lower half of the left wall so we don't get triggered by the high-level ones only. That SHOOK us BAD last night, when it hit. I'd say CPTSD is a pain in the neck, but really it's frightening. I can't joke about it. The unexpected triggers and flashbacks make you feel so helpless and lost.
We were listening to a Christmas EP by Fitz and the Tantrums while we put these new lights up; it was oddly synchronistic, as we randomly got referred to one of their vids on YT yesterday from 11 years ago. And then we got this album referral. Is God trying to point us towards a certain era memory of our life? The only time I remember listening to them is on the highway, or when running laps outside... all grandma memories, and all of that one song with the terribly convicting title-- "Moneygrabber." That's exactly what we were.
"Your teardrops fade, and then I saw your hands in the pocket, 'cause you were always made to want it all. But now you've got to make it on your own. This ain't your home, so I'm showing you the door. Wave goodbye, now it's time for you to go. Don't come back anytime, you've already robbed me blind! This is your payback, MoneyGrabber... Here's my advice: I don't pay twice for the price of a cheap dime whore!"
...Yeah, that's literally talking about us.
We really do need to talk to a priest about that hideous part of our sinful past. We can never remember if we confessed it or not. We need to do so, consciously, now, and finally get absolution and closure and direction, so we can MAKE REPARATION for it and finally move forwards in life, instead of suffocating in unbearable guilt and moral panic.

Unfortunately, we did not go to the Deanery penance service tonight because our chest & head feel REALLY WEIRD. Is this because we're fasting on salt today? I'm starting to wonder, because we felt very sick the past two times we did this too. It's either that or the exercise effort. Possibly both in combination. We'll need to do something different with fasting on Mondays then. We'll have to pray about it, maybe even ask our priest.
Either way we do not feel well. Gotta make sure we rest tonight.


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Online Mass in Dublin today! Priest had a DEEP BLUE voice. That's rare.
He gave a brief homily on today's Gospel of "Joseph's Annunciation," specifically on how he, like Mary, responded to it with total trust in God, and willing surrender to His Mysterious Plans. But the priest mentioned Saint Joseph's virtues PRIOR to his own silent "Fiat," notably how his own purity of soul was expressed in wordless action, and therefore often overlooked. The most powerful example of this, the priest gave, was that Saint Joseph "must have loved Mary a great deal," because when he discovered she was pregnant, he not only wanted to preserve her from any shame or publicity, but he also refused to vindicate himself. He did not try to prove his own righteousness, or protect his own reputation. He was focused on Mary's safety alone, and in making sure that she was treated with genuine mercy even as he did what was just according to the Law. THIS was proof that he loved her. That sent me reeling. It's TRUE. But no one ever thinks of what Saint Joseph was feeling, it seems. We don't often actively consider that he wasn't just an "accessory" to Mary, just because he is given no dialogue in her story. But it's his story, too, both of them together. We don't often consider that he loved her, and everything he did in the Gospel is because he loved her, and God, and her Child Who was of both. His virtues are stunning in their silence.
That was the final reflection the priest gave. Are we imitators of Joseph? Is our love that selfless, that humble? Are we willing to be treated as Joseph, our speech forgotten but deeds remembered? Are we living lives of holiness enough TO meekly consent to that, for God's glory and not our own? Or are we just gabbing about God, with no good deeds to back us up when words fail? How would Scripture describe you? Would you be recognizable as a child of God if you couldn't argue your own defense? Think about it. In the biggest picture, your words don't matter; God's Word does... and His Word became a wordless baby, born of Mary in the silent night, with both embraced by the quietly loving arms of Saint Joseph.

Universalis adds depth to this=
"We hear little more of Joseph, but what a joy it must have been to have Jesus as a son! What a relationship there must have been! What responsibility too! When Jesus calls God his ‘Father’, he is using the concept which must have been formed in his mind by his adoptive father, Joseph, the perfect ideal of the loving father."
...


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EGJ =
"If God is with [those in great pain]— how could they be going through any of this in the first place? Apparently, God didn’t send His Son to make all pain go away... If we try going it alone, life’s challenges and tribulations make us jaded and bitter, but if we open ourselves to Christ's love, they make us compassionate and understanding."
1) People misunderstand pain. We forget the Cross. It's a divine paradox that I love. God is, intrinsically, pure joy, perfect strength, infinite peace, forever. He cannot suffer, or be weak, or experience pain or grief or desolation. That's what people affirm when they complain and curse the human condition, and seek to reject or avoid suffering as "evil" or "illusory", etc. But they aren't seeing the whole, true, beautiful and terrible picture. God is Trinity, and God the Son purposely entered into the full experience of human suffering. He took ALL OF IT onto Himself, into Himself, in His physical Body AND His Mystical Body, refusing to leave any poor pain-wracked soul alone. God is, above all, perfect Love, you must remember-- and Love shows itself most powerfully and profoundly IN SUFFERING FOR THE BELOVED. This is the sacred paradox of the Cross, of the entire Incarnation. God loves us so much He made Himself able to suffer-- with us, for us, in us, because of us, instead of us-- in order to actually deliver us from suffering forever THROUGH the means of the shared agony itself.
...
And yet God remains perfect. He is pure joy even though He has been crucified.
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2) You see, then, how the reality of the Incarnation almost mandates that we will have suffering in this world. After all, how else would we truly learn to love? Virtue is proven in extremis; compassion is born in misery, tenderness forged in terrible strain. This is the amazing transformation Christ's Light brings to our shadows. He gives Life where we could only see death. It's that beautiful "principle of the seed!"
...
3) Notice how aloneness is the true suffering. But it's not just physical aloneness! You can be suffering as part of a family, a crowd, as nation-- and still become bitter and hard-hearted! So what's the difference? Christ.
This astonished me. It means that, even isolated and struggling on our own, unknown to any man, we are not alone and we will not become jaded IF we open our hearts in faith TO THE CROSS. That eternal moment, ever-present, always happening and perpetually efficacious, unites us to the immense Love of God in every instant of our personal pain-- if we choose to "offer it up" within Him there! We become ONE with Christ, on the Cross, and we feel His Heart full of tender mercy for all mankind, pure and true, even IN His agony. And THAT is what makes US compassionate; that is what gives US understanding-- because Christ suffered for all humanity, WITH all of humanity, all because of Love. When we join our pain to His, we also join it to our fellow man's, and suddenly we are ALL one in Christ, vulnerable and in need of each other, crying out for help, embracing each other in that very pain. We are broken open to love. You cannot truly sympathize with OR serve your neighbor if their suffering is alien to you, nonsensical, detached. But once you have shared the pain of their heart, in unity with Christ, you cannot help but love them just as dearly.
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"Advent brings us into full awareness that Jesus is always polite and never pushy. He enters our world with all its pain and challenges, embraces it as such, and then walks beside us in love. But He doesn’t force Himself on us. He patiently waits until we welcome Him."
1) I never thought of Advent emphasizing this, but it's actually the entire basis of the Incarnation. In the Annunciation, Gabriel waited for Mary to CHOOSE to say yes. In the Nativity, the Holy Family waited for someone to CHOOSE to welcome them indoors. Even the Christ Child, He demanded nothing, complained for nothing-- God becoming a baby was the utmost expression OF His gentle politeness.
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2)
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"Recognizing that you didn’t create the world— God did— identify something that holds you back from accepting this creation with joyful gratitude just as it is. [Admit it & give it to the Holy Spirit] to let it go."
1) This was such a strange & unexpected follow-up question, I have to ponder it. How does THIS tie into Advent, into the polite patience of Christ?
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LBB = this HIT MY HEART LIKE A SWORD
"After nine months of being deaf and mute, the first words from Zechariah’s lips are words blessing God. The people had supposed that this long-awaited child, born to aged parents, would be named after his father. He was to be “little Zachary.” But the angel that appeared to Zechariah nine months earlier had said, “Your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son, and you shall name him John.”
“John” is a Hebrew word that means “Yahweh has shown favor.” This is a graced child who is called to express in his life God’s love and favor not only to Zechariah and Elizabeth, but to all God’s people. I too am a graced child, called to express in MY life God’s love and favor, not only to me, but to all people.
There’s a lot to think about in this passage. Perhaps I should simply think about my own name... how and why it was given, how it sounded when spoken over me as a child.
And... how it sounds now when God speaks it."
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Names are so, so essential for nousfoni, and Leaguespacers too.
I still don't have one.
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Universalis reading 2 Thessalonians 1:6-10 struck me=
"God will very rightly reward you, who are suffering now, with the same peace as He will give us, WHEN the Lord Jesus appears from heaven with the angels of His power, when He comes to be glorified among His saints and seen in His glory by all who believe in Him."
1) For Christians who are suffering now, in this fallen world, BECAUSE it is fallen, the return of Jesus will give us PEACE. Considering how awesome and terrible an event that will be, this is a stunning promise... but it's true. When Jesus appears, we WILL be at perfect peace IF we are suffering FOR Him now, because His Presence is the end of all earthly sorrow, and the deliverance of all the faithful from death & pain forever. That's why this peace is a "reward"-- it is the direct result OF suffering for God. If you're already at peace, unfazed by the sin in the world, then you will not obtain such a reward when Christ appears!
2) A brief note that when Jesus returns, of course He will be glorified, it's inevitable-- He will be suddenly and undeniably realized by ALL to be God, that His Words are all True, that He Is Judge over the cosmos. But amazingly, because of this, those who already put their sincere & total faith in Him without such magnificent proofs, will be glorified WITH HIM, because of their faith! He will share His glory with them, with His Church, AS HIS BRIDE & BODY. That's AMAZING. And of course that will perfect our peace as well-- our faith will be absolutely confirmed, our hopes completely realized, our love rejoicing in eternity!
3) Last question. Once again, even apparently at the very last moment, "you see what you believe." Christ WILL be glorified, yes, His Truth will be undeniable-- BUT will there STILL be hardened hearts that refuse to believe??? How is that possible? How can they see Christ, coming in Power, and still close their eyes to His Glory because they don't want to believe it???
It's a terrible, heartbreaking thought. Such people will CHOOSE to not be able to see the beautiful majesty and awesome splendor of Jesus Christ revealed as God. There is no hope for such a proud soul, that willingly turns its back on the Light. We MUST pray for the conversion of such faithless souls NOW. On that day it will be too late. We MUST beg God to soften their hearts by grace. And we, as redeemed sinners ourselves, MUST reveal to them the wonderful truth of the Gospel that saved us, NOW, doing our essential part as Christ's ambassadors and as Children of Light. That Day is coming like a thief. May we all, until then, strive to "steal back" souls from the devil, armed as we are with the Cross of Christ, so that when He returns, He may give us ALL the peace of perseverance in faith.


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VOTD = Psalm 28:7. Headspace feelings about God being our TRUE "strength and shield." Noting that Laurie and Lynne must have their roles inherently inspired by this definitive Truth.


The guided prayer had this, which unexpectedly inspired me=
""As the shepherds returned to their sheep, they were praising God and saying wonderful things about Him. Everything they had seen and heard was just as the angel had said. (Luke 2:20)"
Re-read this verse. Reflect on all you have heard and seen about Jesus. Ask God how you can share this joy with others."
1) The shepherds were praising God-- as they returned to their sheep! They went right back to their responsibilities, to their everyday life, not forsaking it just because they had seen the angels, or the Messiah Himself-- instead, that divine experience now changed the very fabric of their lives. Christ was a humble baby, poor and plain, just like them.
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2) They praised God AS they returned. They didn't go anywhere special or make a fuss over it. They brought that perfect joy right into the mundane details of life, right into the sheepfolds, right up into the vast & lonely hills... and their praises of God were even more real because they weren't catering to an audience. They were just singing His praises in total grateful wonder, as they went back to the work He had called them from, and met them in, itself now just as permanently changed and quietly sanctified as they were.
3) They weren't just praising the wonders God had wrought, they were praising His Fidelity and Truthfulness. What the angels had declared was true, down to the last detail. What God Himself had promised through prophets & patriarchs was true, completely fulfilled in that tiny Child.

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From USC=

"The expression of love is action. The mediating link between faith and works is love... Love lives in works. During this season of Advent, may we deepen our capacity for compassion [and] be ready to welcome Jesus's coming via acts of radical solidarity. When we finally understand that the Incarnation is the mirror by which we learn to orient ourselves in loving relation with God, creation, and our neighbors, we will be ready to welcome Jesus in the faces of the migrants and refugees knocking at our literal or metaphorical doors. Allow this season to birth in you the ability to see beyond our differences. Look into the heart of the incarnational mystery, where we are all one in and with Christ."
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I don't live out "active love" enough, at all. And yet, deep down, I YEARN to.
I keep remembering grandma in home hospice, caring for her 24/7. I keep remembering fellow patients when I was on the hospital, how much I ached to attend to their cries when no one responded. I weep over deaths of strangers, I strive to give everything I can to the homeless I see, I pray for every emergency response vehicle that passes, I donate food & clothing whenever I have the means, I consider all of my neighbors to be close friends although I've never even spoken to most of them. I just genuinely love people and I WANT to care for them more.
Stop praising yourself. Do you want an award? Keep quiet about it. Erase all that and write something humble, something about God, not yourself.