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[prismaticbleed]

 

💕💕GAUDETE SUNDAY💕💕
We were ALL pink son!!

Tony pickup, slightly late. We savored the winter morning. Struck by how much blacktop there is, so few trees, the landscape is almost entirely artificial and sterile. What was it like before we did this to it?

Mom drive home & shop
VERY late getting home.
3PM BK!!

NEWSFLASH = THE RED CHRISTMAS LIGHTS FINALLY BURNED OUT AS OF 4PM 😂 THAT'S A FULL YEAR GOD BLESS
Perfect timing though; there's no better day to relight our tree!

Evening = DID JUST THAT ❤
Man its SO NICE to finally have a tree without any dead lights on it, haha. That feels kind of significant, and very well can be, if we use it as such a lens. Where in our lives are we hanging onto "dead lights", unwilling to remove them until they all burn out, and/or because it would require stripping the entire tree to replace them? I'm sure we can answer that question. Meditate seriously on it.

Also we put multi lights up over the left wall mirrors too, for both holiday spirit and cheerful illumination. We need a longer set, but this will do for now.  The brighter apartment is pinging Jewel, which is both fascinating and encouraging, because we NEED to draw stuff within the next week and SHE is the artist in here. So keep those lights plugged in, kiddo!!

Lastly, "I" was briefly joking with Markus that we were actually listening to Clay Aiken by choice, haha. That poor chap is an ancient injoke thanks to AMG, God bless her too. But hey, two decades later, both Clay and I have "come out" and so with the "fear of alloforcing" therefore neutralized, we can simply enjoy the fact that he actually does have a nice voice, and uses it to sing one of our favorite Christmas songs. How things change over the years!


Jumped right outta the woodwork into our OLD Tumblr for TEN SECONDS to "be a voice crying out in the wilderness"-- and then blindly changed our password ran back into the desert, haha.
We couldn't not share that hard but powerful truth. I don't care if it wakes up the hornets. That's not my intention or job. I'm logged out and leaving it at that. To do any further would be pride. The truth speaks for itself. I thank God I had the guts to share it. But it isn't my war of words to wage.

Night =
Two hours on the couch listening to the Lupin III OST by PAPIK?? And tons of new Christmas music. We needed this rest.


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EGJ =
"The Pharisees and high priests certainly knew what the messiah would look like, or at least they thought they did. So, they disqualified Jesus. How often do we encounter the living Christ among us and around us but fail to recognize Him simply because He looks like a cab driver? Or a grocery clerk? Or a skateboarder? Advent challenges us to open our eyes to the surprising reality that Christ can and does show up in the most unexpected places. Are we ready for that?
Today, identify a blind spot. Sit quietly and think of one thing you would not expect Jesus to be: A different race? A different gender? A different tradition? What holds you back from opening to the possibility?
"Challenge me, O Lord. Show up in my life disguised as someone I would not expect and jolt me into an awareness of Your inspiring and awesome diversity.""
First, a preface from the VOTD, as it ties right into this= "The Good News of Jesus Christ is for ALL people and ALL nations."
...It's shameful and shocking, how much internalized prejudice we actually still have. We can blame our upbringing all we want; the point is, we haven't uprooted it yet. And THAT'S our blind spot: rigid definitions that reject reality and prevent compassion.
When you are raised in a small town & small school, surrounded by elderly white Christian folks with minimal education and limited awareness of the rest of the world, then it's inevitable that xenophobia becomes a normal part of your daily life-- so normal that you don't realize there's any alternative.
This is very dangerous within religion.
...
But I NEVER AGREED with them.
...
My biggest problem? I don't expect Jesus to look like the people I'm scared of. I don't expect Him to look like the people I disagree with. Isn't that devilish. It's disgusting.
I don't expect Jesus to look like a sorority girl, or a death metal frontman, or a drag queen, et cetera. Isn't that terrible?
But I never expected Jesus to look like my schizophrenic transgender sister, either.
...and lest I forget, at all times, I am one new nousfoni away from BEING each and any of those people.
Is THAT the fear?? Is it a MORAL terror, that such people are "sinners" in such a way that it would be scandalous to see Christ in them?? You damned hypocrite, YOU'RE the WORST SINNER OF ALL, and you're going to judge others on appearance alone?? Did you forget Luke 13?? Did you forget your beloved Patron Saint?? Did you forget the Cross Itself??
...and yet, I feel your real fear. You WANT TO see Christ in them. You STRIVE to do so, actually, in secret. And you're TERRIFIED that THAT IS A MORTAL SIN-- seeing Jesus in the faces of people who may be actively blaspheming Him.
...
In short: I STILL struggle so much with the very concept of "Christ IN everyday people," because I feel like that's idolatry or heresy????
...
We were raised to believe that, if you're a REAL Christian, you can ONLY look and talk and feel and act in a certain specific way, NO EXCEPTIONS, NO VARIATIONS. Any odd or weird or "different" people are ungraced, even possessed; they must be domesticated and humbled before they will be allowed into polite & right society, let alone the holy Church!
And I'm STILL being taught that, everywhere I turn! Just look at the "tradcath" movement! As a "queer, autistic, mentally ill" person-- the EXACT kind of person I WOULDN'T EXPECT TO SEE JESUS IN-- that movement is TERRIFYING.
...
...

2) THEY DISQUALIFIED JESUS.
3)
4) And yet, Christ is  ALWAYS UNEXPECTED.
5) "not expect JESUS to be"
6) DISGUISED
7) The diversity of Christ!!!! HIS BODY IS PROOF YOU IDIOT
...


LBB =
"I may not be the main event. But the things that happen in my life are main events for me. And they’re main events for God too. God, unlike the world, has room on center stage for everyone. [Every human being is] center stage for God... [and they are each] God’s beloved. So am I."
1) Pope Francis once said, "Jesus is the only protagonist." That stuck with me. JESUS is the ONLY "main event" in ALL OF HISTORY, and in every individual life! Let that sink in. You aren't the main character of your own existence, because your existence isn't solitary. You're not isolated. Your life is part of the big picture, part of the story of all mankind AND of all Creation. You cannot be the main character; you exist for a blip, for a nanosecond, one snowflake falling amongst septillions. But God created you with His Own Hands. He breathed His Own Breath into your lungs. And most amazingly of all, when the Main Character DID show up, and brought about the ONLY Main Event there is... He was thinking about you.
2) Don't underestimate God's Love. You literally cannot comprehend it. He is infinite, eternal, and entirely Love. He holds the entire cosmos in existence, He keeps the laws of physics running, He personally manages every single star in the sky... and He is watching you right now, with the tender attentive care of a Father. Your ordinary, nothing-special, everyday life is irreplaceably precious to Him, and everything you experience today is of utmost importance to Him. Does that sound impossible? Does that sound crazy? Then consider this additional truth: God feels this way about every single human being in existence. No exceptions, no partiality. Every person is on "center stage" for God, of utmost significance, on equal standing-- the orphan in the slum, the billionaire in the mansion, the convict in the jail, the nun in the cloister, the refugee in the shelter, the celebrity in the tour bus, the average Joe in the factory, the President in the office, Et cetera. Every race, every language, every culture, every religion, every walk of life. Use your imagination. There are literally no exceptions. God cares that deeply and that intimately for every single soul. And why?
3) We are beloved to God. To GOD!
...


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VOTD = Romans 15:13.
"Scripture calls God "the God of Hope" because hope is the result of a relationship with a God like this. Hope is the expectation that good things are on the way, even in situations that seem hopeless, because our Good God is always working things out for our good. Hope is God's specialty; it is what He alone gives us, and He is always willing to share it with us. As we trust in God by placing our hopes in Him, God also gives us joy and peace, because He always keeps His promises-- and the result of this is that we overflow in hope. And we always have reason for hope, because God has sent His Son Jesus as our Savior."
1) Oh man that opening line is echoing in my heart. "Hope is the result of relationship with God." That is so profound. And "a God LIKE THIS," to boot! Because let me tell you, as a former pagan, not all "relationships with gods" are good. None of them give real hope. That's because NONE OF THEM ARE ACTUALLY "GODS". 
There is only ONE God, the Holy One of Israel,
...
2)
3)

The prayer had this =
"If I start to feel overwhelmed, hopeless, confused, or fearful, remind me that You are near. Please make me aware of Your Presence."
God's Presence ACTIVELY CONQUERS ALL THOSE VICES.
When God is near, we are freed from overwhelm, because we can share our burdens with Him, while recognizing that He alone is our real priority, the only thing that truly matters in life.
When God is near, we are freed from hopelessness, because we know He is still in control, and is always working all things out for both our good, and His glory.
When God is near, we are freed from confusion, because He is perfect Truth and Light, and will guide us in His Way by His Word & Spirit.
When God is near, we are freed from fear, because Jesus's Cross triumphs over the grave, and so nothing in life or death can separate us from His Love.
...

KVOTD prayer had this =
"God, thank You for giving us Jesus, the greatest gift, and for being available to me all day, every day, forever. Today I want to receive that gift and spend time with You, my Everlasting Father."
1) Today’s self-deifying culture has really made it hard to properly appreciate the ASTOUNDING GIFT that the ONLY GOD has GIVEN us, IN CHRIST, to literally be ABLE to talk to God directly, and at ANY TIME. That is STAGGERING. Read the OT and you'll get a sincere appreciation as to why!
To claim we "have a right to" such access-- or to try to grasp it ourselves-- automatically dooms our attempts to failure, even backfiring. Grace is ONLY available as a gift. So is Love. Power, intelligence, merit, all those and all else are utterly useless to gain grace, to acquire love. They can only be received, and to receive we must have room in our selves TO do so.
Are your hands empty enough, is your heart open enough, is your mind pure enough? No? Then are you willing to be emptied out of everything earthly, humbled and left vulnerable, so that God can fill you with Himself instead of your self? How? You do realize the gift is Christ on the Cross?
2) Also astounding? The fact that GOD GAVE THE GIFT, AS A GIFT. No one forced Him. No one asked Him. He Himself WANTED this communication opened between mortal and divine, to RESTORE what was lost in Eden!! WE WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE SEPARATED. Do you realize that?? We're not "starting from" a position of innate exclusion-- we're here in EXILE. This world is NOT OUR HOME. God never forgot that, but we did. And that's a huge part of why Jesus is such an amazing gift-- we didn't even realize we needed Him. We never would've asked.
3) Don't ever overlook that key point. The gift is JESUS, IN HIS PERSON. The gift is our RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM. THAT'S where all our hope comes from! Why is God always available to us now? Because He's available TO JESUS, THROUGH JESUS. No mortal, ever, could merit such communication access, let alone privilege. No mortal could ever reach such celestial heights by their own power-- no mortal could SURVIVE the mere perception of the LORD, even for a nanosecond! Even the prophets that "saw God" only saw Him because HE willed it-- He gave the vision and enabled it, and still only appeared in types and shadows. But the prophet never sought such sights, never dared to even dream that he would be worthy of them-- he outright rejected the very possibility, too acutely aware of his own wretchedly humble state. And THAT is where God meets us in Christ-- right there in the dust. But Jesus came to give sight to the blind.
...
4) Revisiting the LBB reflection: yes, because of Jesus, God is available to you at every moment forever. That's stunning enough on its own. But He's available as a FATHER. He's available because of Psalm 116-- because He's LISTENING. He CARES. He LOVES YOU.
5) We have to ACCEPT THIS.


Guided prayer ties into all this.
"God, it’s when I seek You that I find You. So today, help me to intentionally draw near to You. Give me the courage to shift my attention off of my circumstances and onto You. I want to rely on You completely by coming to You first— above anything else."
1) This reminds me of a line in one of my very favorite prayers, which gives me hope in my most desperate times:
"Teach me to seek You. I cannot seek You unless You teach me
or find You unless You show Yourself to me..."
...
2) We must choose to actively move closer to God.  That just floors me. What NERVE that requires!! And yet, do we not have that Gift? God wants us to approach Him. Jesus is proof-- and He gives us the power TO approach Him, even Himself, in beautiful paradox, as I said previously. He will help us.
...
3) To shift one's focus like this requires a TOTAL REORIENTATION of reality, a shift in perspective that is as essential as it is radical.
...
4)


And this one ACHES.
"God, I’m in awe of Your love for those who follow You. You choose to protect, care for, and provide for us— just as a loving Father should. You see the needs I have today— and I trust that You will not only provide for me, but You will bless me abundantly so that I can be a blessing to others.
Thank You for being a good Father."
...


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I apologize profusely for how messy and ugly this entry ended up being. I'm not sure how many people contributed. We're always a mess mentally after oversocializing. Please forgive us for anything foolish or proud or downright evil we said here.