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[prismaticbleed]

 

5 hours of sleep buddy!!

Feeling oddly moved to ask for Saint Albert's intercession. Unexpected fondness towards him. Perhaps we really do need his particular help. Never ignore such loving nudges.

Homily tied both reading & Gospel together= Everything we have is a gift from God, so SAY THANK YOU!! Seriously, we should go through life with a consistent attitude of gratitude-- I'd even say we're OBLIGATED to, by Justice! But cultivating gratitude is also a means of mercy: to be ungrateful is a truly deadly sin, one that deforms & hardens the heart. But it's so easy to combat. We just need to become like children, so freely & readily thanking God for everything from bumblebees to particle physics, and so willing to trust His Goodness as a Father even when life gets scary and incomprehensible to us... but not to Him.
Gratitude keeps our sights set on eternity. Gratitude keeps us aware of Divine Purpose in even the most humdrum moments of our day. Gratitude crushes despair underfoot. It's a powerful weapon of grace. Use it!

Praying the Glorious Mysteries felt notably transcendent today.
I honestly think it's credit entirely to the Flame of Love. I've only been saying those prayers for three days, but I've known of it for YEARS, and it was only on Sunday when my heart was finally able & willing to say yes. "Yes, I am embracing this at last. Bring me into this Flame." And believe me I can FEEL a difference already. It's small but massive. Lord keep me committed, keep me consecrated!! This is no "test run"; nothing about religion is EVER done so casually! It's secular modernism that blithely "experiments" and "tries things out," with no sense of loyalty or purpose or direction. They are blind explorers, unable to see what they're missing because they don't have the eyes of faith TO see it. Because faith sees TRUTH, and she plants her flag, and she settles down. She she puts down her roots, pours her foundations, builds her home, and rejoices in the land... and THEN she "goes out exploring" to INVITE OTHERS TO IMMIGRATE. It's an entirely different mindset. But I digress.
I recognized, thanks to the Holy Spirit speaking to me through Mark Mallett, that the Flame of Love movement IS TRUE. It is genuinely of God, and entirely for His Glory. It is a GIFT of IMMENSE GRACE given to our time SPECIFICALLY, to directly counteract the terrorism of Satan and to transform the Church through a New Pentecost of Divine Charity. I know so little about the details yet, but I know the basics, and I am actively learning more, as the Spirit leads me. I read them seriously & earnestly, and I ask the Holy Spirit for guidance & an open heart, and I ask Mary Our Mother for her help & humility, and I don't chicken out or back down. I can't. To do so now, having seen, would be a grave sin.
But obedience is its own consolation & confirmation. There is s very real, particular, quiet joy that comes from cooperation with God's Word, despite all human doubt & confusion & hesitancy. The Rosary feels deeper & brighter than ever now. I take no credit whatsoever. This is Mary kindling that Flame in my heart at last.

We're getting better at saying the Seven Sorrows Chaplet too. We're saying it as a System, as well as we can-- we have different emotions & perspectives, so we're able to understand different Sorrows that others can't.

...

Razwell needs to have his function SUBLIMATED!!
He needs to REROUTE offensive jokes to HONOR GOD.

Missy & Bridget ALSO need sublimation if they're still embodied.
⭐OH DUDE WAIT UP, IF CENTRAL IS "THE ELDERS" IS THAT WHY GREEN & BLUE ARE STUCK EMPTY???? DO THEY FIT THERE???
⭐Also, WALDORF. She's a "MUSE," not a "headvoice", in the ancient jargon. Her Spectrum role MUST BE CLARIFIED.
⭐LOOK FOR YELLOWS.

...

Evening =
ARE discussion; ADMITTED our "bitterness" over how poorly we experienced Confirmation
Scrupulosity mention, specifically CALLED ME OUT
"Fear of God" big debate. I prayed about it & was moved to speak at the end.

DAD VISIT!!!!! ❤❤❤

Went straight to bed son

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Universalis bits=

""For power is a gift to you from the Lord, sovereignty is from the Most High; He Himself will probe your acts and scrutinise your intentions"... [this is] a strong statement of the responsibility of those who rule, and of their need of divine Wisdom. As rule is given them by God, they will be responsible to God for their administration of His kingdom. Jesus of course teaches that rulers are at the service of those they rule."
This whole first reading actually hit me hard PERSONALLY.
I don't think of myself as having "power" at all, but... then last night happened, and suddenly I was in a place of actual power over people. And I didn't even realize that, nor the gravity of it, at the time.
...

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THE OUR FATHER IS ENTIRELY EUCHARISTIC!!!
"Our Father" = in the Eucharist we partake of "the family meal" of God, which we can only do AS His Children, which we only ARE because of Christ
...
...
"Our daily Bread" =:IS the Eucharist Itself
"Forgive us our debts" = is what the Cross accomplished, that Perfect Sacrifice that is made Present in every Eucharist
"...as we forgive our debtors" = "Father forgive them..." and "we are all ONE BODY in Christ VIA the Eucharist"; "whoever loves God MUST love others also."
"Lead us not into temptation" = receiving the Eucharist cleanses us of venial sin & imparts grace to resist further sins
"Deliver us from evil" = the Eucharistic Sacrifice destroyed the power of the devil


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System talk about the Anima Christi
Asking Knife about the Blood, what would inebriation mean?
He immediately said the Blood "is His LIFE." To be inebriated with the Blood of Christ means to be saturated with His Life, to take it so completely into ourselves that it flows in our very veins. It means to, quite actually, be "drunk" with the ardor & unity of it. The Saints frequently use this very language of the Holy Spirit.
It's so hard to phrase, though, speaking in recollection & as a typist. The real data is IN Knife's heart, in knowing intuitively, not by data recall like I get. It doesn't translate.

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Ttywpf = PATRON SAINTS!!
Very fitting as today's ARE is about Confirmation, AND it's during the novena to Saint Cecelia!
"Be aware of the companionship of the whole Church and also the communion of the saints on this mission. When we face challenges together, then we are strong; we discover resources we did not know we had. Jesus did not call the apostles to live in isolation; He called them to form a group, a community."
It's utterly bizarre how we NEVER REALIZED THIS.
...

"Have you chosen a saint to be a friend, patron, model, and intercessor for you? Learn more about that saint this week, and ask him or her to help you with specific challenges you're facing now."
The ONLY Saints I can say we HAVE actually chosen in this regard are Saint Dismas and Saint Mary of Egypt.
...


ALSO we missed yesterday but it is important enough to demand recognition today too=
"The devil is... a being that opted not to accept the plan of God... His fruits are always destruction: division, hate, and slander. [He is working] every time that I am tempted to do something that is not what God wants for me. I believe that the devil exists. Maybe his greatest achievement in these times has been to make us believe that he does not exist... Do you believe that the devil exists? In what area of your life is he trying to tempt you? How are you fighting this temptation? Trust in God that he will help you to choose His plan over the devil's."
1) OPT OUT
2) BAD FRUIT
3) GOD'S WILL. We must know it and Do it! And scarily, in ever single situation, whatever ISN'T God's will IS THE DEVIL'S WILL.
4) Disbelief fuels devil power
5) Our temptations: they go against God's Plan
6) How are we fighting?
7) CHOOSE God's Plan. Because the devil HAS A PLAN TOO!! No randomness, no neutrality!!


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VOTD = Real talk by the lovely NONA JONES about Psalm 147: how God has the power to heal even our most traumatic heartbreaks.
We had to stop & think about this for a minute. What counts as heartbreak, truly? Why is it so hard to tell? Is it because our heart is currently so numbed, drugged by depersonalization?
Trauma doesn't register as heartbreak. Neither does any sort of general suffering.
All temporal loss-- the loss of the Leaguefile, the loss of our friendships in SLC & CNC, our parents getting divorced, our siblings drifting away... that's all heartache, but bizarrely, it never broke?
The ONLY thing that we can actively say broke our heart is death.
We were heartbroken when grandpa died and we weren't there.
We were heartbroken when grandma was dying and we weren't there.
And that's about it.
And we're scared because it feels SO SELFISH.
...


"Whether it’s a fractured relationship, shattered expectations, or the loss of a loved one or dream, brokenness hurts."
Is THAT our problem? Was nothing ever solid enough TO be broken? Were we shooting our soul up with novocaine?
Our relationships "never fractured," because they were never solid. EVER. We were never "actually" anyone's friend; we were either a "pity buddy" or a "placeholder."
...
Our expectations never "shattered," because they were too easily denied & reformed whenever such breakage was a risk OR reality. I immediately think of those first few minutes in CNC, how we actively overrode our survival terror because "we aren't allowed to be afraid, or to NOT want this." So our expectations for something safe, something hopeful, something other than the ghastly actuality were immediately anesthetized.
...
Similarly, but notably different in another aspect, our "dreams" never "shattered" BUT they were literally lost.
...
And then we have the loss of loved ones. That is the ONLY thing that hurt. WHY. AND WHY IS IT SO EGOTISTIC????
...

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A huge thought from the VOTD=
THE LEAGUE CAN TEACH US EMPATHY.
We hear people taking about suffering, sorrow, joy, and hope that THEY have and we DON'T and we cannot feel anything??? And its disturbing. Without personal experience, we find it difficult to "empathize" at ALL-- but when we HAVE experienced such a similar thing, we struggle to detach it from our own personal life; we feel like either we must SHARE THAT EXACT EXPERIENCE with the other person, or one of us is INVALID. It's a bizarrely Systemesque way of thinking: either we are in this together, or it doesn't happen at all.
Why is this?? (Type about it on laptop much more)
HOWEVER!!! Just like with the E.D. THE LEAGUE CAN BYPASS THIS as it is THIRD PERSON!!!
If someone in the LEAGUE has experienced what this person is telling us about, even if we've never personally experienced such a thing-- we can UNITE OUR HEART WITH THE LEAGUEPERSON, and in that very unity we CAN EMPATHIZE!!!
Practice this, SERIOUSLY.
It feels like it is going to be ABSOLUTELY INDISPENSABLE FOR BOTH OUR COLLECTIVE TRAUMA HEALING AND OUR CAPACITY TO LIVE AS A PERSON IN SOCIETY.

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I really want to think about the guided prayer, because it actually fits perfectly into the VOTD:
"God, thank You for giving me a firm foundation to build my life on. I know that no matter what storms come my way, You love me and will give me everything I need. Please help me to continue finding new ways to grow closer to You."
1) God GIVES. That's always the first focus. We do not earn, or merit, or deserve. We don't even ask, because we don't even realize we need. But God GIVES. That's a constant. It's His Character. 
2) What does He give? A firm foundation. This is something that CANNOT be broken, or fractured, or shattered, or lost.
3) It is a foundation-- it is not meant to stand alone and inert! This is actually a gift of HOPE, of PROMISE even, because you only lay a foundation in order TO BUILD UPON IT!
4)
...


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Some fascinating bits from ARE Catechism & Scripture study on Confirmation, starting at Isaiah 11:2 where the Gifts are originally listed =
""a spirit of counsel [or “strategy”] and strength"... the point is that he will have the strength/ability to execute the plans/strategies he devises."
This is so encouraging; it means that whenever the Spirit gives us a "battle strategy" in our daily battles against sin, we never need to fear any inability on our part-- because we're not using our own strength to obey, but the spiritual might-- the Fortitude-- gifted by the same Spirit, TO carry out His Counsel! God does not give us impossible orders; He ALWAYS provides the means, by grace, to do what He wills.

"“a spirit of knowledge and fear of the Lord.” “Knowledge” is used here in its covenantal sense and refers to a recognition of God’s authority and a willingness to submit to it. “Fear” here refers to a healthy respect for God’s authority which produces obedience. Taken together, the two terms emphasize the single quality of loyalty to the Lord. This loyalty guarantees that he will make just legal decisions and implement just policies."
I kept that last bit about justice because again it is EXACTLY what today's first reading was about! Justice is always ultimately directed towards God, even in human politics, because "He who loves God MUST love his neighbor, " again-- and if you love God you WILL be loyal to Him: "If you love Me, keep my Commandments"! And these Commandments ARE the Covenant terms, both in the OT & NT: you must love God with all you have & are, and you must love your neighbor as yourself. And this Love IS "Covenantal knowledge," because the Covenantal use MARITAL LANGUAGE and the knowledge is RELATIONAL. It is utterly unique TO the Covenant context; no one can EVER know God outside of it. On the other hand, as a Covenant, it is also not a situation of equals. We enter into it on the very explicit terms that GOD IS GOD, and we belong to Him.
...I'm rambling, I'm sorry. I'm uneducated in this regard so I must humbly cease talking.
I'm pondering "knowledge." We usually use it to refer to scientific discovery and awareness of physical facts. But what is science, if not the gradual revelation OF God's Authority? We see laws everywhere; we see patterns & numbers & intricate elegant harmonies down to the very atoms and quarks of things. We see how all of Creation amazingly exists as a whole, how it makes sense, and can be understood (within mortal limits) by intelligent minds. Therefore God's Authority is apparent even in Science. And even more obviously, we have the natural moral law within every human heart! THIS is what all knowledge leads to: the knowledge that there IS a God, that He IS the Authority over All, and that what we can feebly grasp of Him through our mortal knowledge is still so noble, so true, so beautiful, that we want to submit to Him; we are aware, however dimly, of how Perfect and Righteous He Is, essentially in contrast to our insurmountable weakness & folly, and we want to obey Him. We then rejoice at being subject to His Law, recognizing its supreme Goodness, and that inspired joy naturally causes obedience... just as naturally as we, once blessed with this knowledge, will commit ourselves to justice for the sake of the Lord. Our just acts become purified, free of egotism, when they are done as a loyal response to the ultimate Justice we see in the Greatest Authority. Et Cetera. I've exhausted my brain.