072522

[prismaticbleed]

 

Woke up to a phone call from mom

Want me to go up the house and give Chris the car to get a new tire

Sat on the porch with pepper for a bit on the swing

Remember how grandma sat there for months and watched movies. made me want to cry

Chris asked for a kiss and I was brave enough to say no with no malice at all. I just said no but thank you for offering. 

Made it to Saint Anne's right on time

I kept crying during mass. I felt so horribly unworthy and my PTSD kept getting triggered again. like complete spiritual warfare 

A moment of peace in the Eucharist

Felt Jesus reach out and touch me through it again to calm and comfort me. a complete refuge of safety, a shelter in the storm. 

Confession

"God doesn't curse people" 

In any case I unloaded my whole weary soul in that room 

Ecstasy just looking at Crucifixion and Pieta

No thoughts, just silent adoring love 

Shopping

Asked CHOCOLOCO for help saying no! Missed that dude

Spice and Julie showed up too as reminders 

Said No to Shoprite; Laurie highfived me 

Home

"Angels" and dropping food; Laurie showed up to demand discernment, "WHICH angels??"

Talking to Laurie about CDR podcast 

Prayer

Drinking the Precious Blood of Christ from His Wounded Side

Told me to drink it AS The Chalice; must be wholehearted and committed. 

Like fire inside, like wine. No pain, just pure light 

"You're still too attached to the food" = distracted. But no condemnation; "it's just where you are right now. That can, and will, change" 

I love Jesus more than anything else in the universe 

I ardently want to be with Him forever, loving and praising Him for all eternity