daily journals = may 2023
May. 31st, 2023 11:50 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
prismaticbleed0510
dream. (wed night)
DEATH. (from rosewindow) On porch. In a disguise, middle eastern girl, wearing dark red robes?
Told me I wasn’t going to die yet, but in a few years I would drown?
I said “is that a pun”
She gave me a glare? And said “believe me, everyone knows about you and him”?
Then she had to help two people pass on? Got out scythe, but said it wasn’t used how people think? Used it to “break open” the way for souls that were blind, or resistant, or lost? Like “snipping open” energy field to get in.
Then with both hands cupped she REACHED INTO THEIR RIBCAGES and brought out this large, round, glowing red sphere of light. Like how internal photos look when light is shined through bloodvessels. Numinous.
She said she changes appearances if needed, to match others viewpoints?
Switched to the violet skullface form I recognized as she said this. I remember she reached up to pull her hood back a bit? Saw her skullface. Had the impression that touching her “bones” felt like dry ice?
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0524
HORRIFIC DREAM HACK
Couldn't sleep
Up at 7, then 11?
Said prayers in bed
BUCKFAST ABBEY
Mom call & visit
Hid scars
Orange glasses stress?
Kolbe shrine mass, Francis basilica homily
Exercise double down
Stsrted BK prep
Jade texts
Threw us into social mode
Miserable
Sat dien to eat at 4on
MOM CALL
Both of us Almost in tears from stress
Bk didn't cook right
So nauseous from nerves & religious worry
Mom kept calling
More and more stress
Gave up and just bingepurged
Shut down all consciousness for a while
Feeling so empty, especially religiously
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0527
Woke up so tired
Phone calls again
Averaging 4-5 hours of sleep lately
Immediately exercised
Joyful mysteries and yuta bandoh
Exercise
"SHARONA" NAME INHERIT DISOWN
CAMILLE OR EVALYN???
PRAYED over it; it's SHAVONNE (SIOBHAN??)
Wondering what the heck happened to both ANNA & JOSEPHINA; one bad one good, both YELLOW & assumed dead
ALSO RAZWELL
Bloodlines vs BLOODBANKS???
"Would you abandon them? That would not make Me happy. There is no love in your heart when you make that decision, EITHER for Me or for them. You are running away from relationship in order to be faithful. It is a sad and fatal contradiction. Do you not realize what religion is?"
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0528
Church
33 PHONE CALLS
Terrified of Memorial Day: too much sound, smells, movement, agitation
Mom saying we sound very autistic, consider getting tested
The "fairground" terrorsmell of evening heat & cigarette smoke TRIGGERS YELLOW
Those two scents separated TRIGGER DIFFERENTLY!!!
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0530
Weird sleep. Sick & tossturn but dreamt??
Flat nightmares.
BUT!!! WRECKAGE & THE BLUECHILD??????
Did biking w music rosary
Pictures are distracting??? Cause intrusive thoughts
DVM easiest w no music, it's too chantlike for a bgm
CHURCH!!!!! ;______;
Wore teal glasses today
Exercise getting a bit easier!
WEIGHT DROP??
Wreckage taking pills
"Its fitting restitution for what I once did"
I FORGOT ABOUT THAT
BK 230, very slowly
Tumblr panic
REBIRTH
More "Nicodemus" inspiration; what is this??
"aionios" = INFI RENAME???
Fought SO HARD not to purge
PAINTING
Shirts & blots
Music vibes: frost vs evev
DN 730
Its quiet. Were sitting here in air conditioning, as low light rivers kiss the trees gold, looking up at the moon. What unexpected peace. Thank You God for this.
Seriously going to cut down food portions again. Too much egg & vegetable bulk is causing nausea I'm sure
Minor bingepurge
Gotta be the eggs
Razor atoned
Feeling strangely closer than usual, but not fronting directly
Xenophon 05 points "everything is possible with God"
REVERSE SLC/CNC
OUR CHANCE TO RIGHT OUR WRONGS!!!
THIS IS A HUGE GRACE BOY DON’T MISS OUT
...
dream. (wed night)
DEATH. (from rosewindow) On porch. In a disguise, middle eastern girl, wearing dark red robes?
Told me I wasn’t going to die yet, but in a few years I would drown?
I said “is that a pun”
She gave me a glare? And said “believe me, everyone knows about you and him”?
Then she had to help two people pass on? Got out scythe, but said it wasn’t used how people think? Used it to “break open” the way for souls that were blind, or resistant, or lost? Like “snipping open” energy field to get in.
Then with both hands cupped she REACHED INTO THEIR RIBCAGES and brought out this large, round, glowing red sphere of light. Like how internal photos look when light is shined through bloodvessels. Numinous.
She said she changes appearances if needed, to match others viewpoints?
Switched to the violet skullface form I recognized as she said this. I remember she reached up to pull her hood back a bit? Saw her skullface. Had the impression that touching her “bones” felt like dry ice?
------‐---------------------------------------------------------------------
------‐---------------------------------------------------------------------
------‐---------------------------------------------------------------------
------‐---------------------------------------------------------------------
0524
HORRIFIC DREAM HACK
Couldn't sleep
Up at 7, then 11?
Said prayers in bed
BUCKFAST ABBEY
Mom call & visit
Hid scars
Orange glasses stress?
Kolbe shrine mass, Francis basilica homily
Exercise double down
Stsrted BK prep
Jade texts
Threw us into social mode
Miserable
Sat dien to eat at 4on
MOM CALL
Both of us Almost in tears from stress
Bk didn't cook right
So nauseous from nerves & religious worry
Mom kept calling
More and more stress
Gave up and just bingepurged
Shut down all consciousness for a while
Feeling so empty, especially religiously
------‐---------------------------------------------------------------------
0527
Woke up so tired
Phone calls again
Averaging 4-5 hours of sleep lately
Immediately exercised
Joyful mysteries and yuta bandoh
Exercise
"SHARONA" NAME INHERIT DISOWN
CAMILLE OR EVALYN???
PRAYED over it; it's SHAVONNE (SIOBHAN??)
Wondering what the heck happened to both ANNA & JOSEPHINA; one bad one good, both YELLOW & assumed dead
ALSO RAZWELL
Bloodlines vs BLOODBANKS???
"Would you abandon them? That would not make Me happy. There is no love in your heart when you make that decision, EITHER for Me or for them. You are running away from relationship in order to be faithful. It is a sad and fatal contradiction. Do you not realize what religion is?"
------‐---------------------------------------------------------------------
0528
Church
33 PHONE CALLS
Terrified of Memorial Day: too much sound, smells, movement, agitation
Mom saying we sound very autistic, consider getting tested
The "fairground" terrorsmell of evening heat & cigarette smoke TRIGGERS YELLOW
Those two scents separated TRIGGER DIFFERENTLY!!!
------‐---------------------------------------------------------------------
0530
Weird sleep. Sick & tossturn but dreamt??
Flat nightmares.
BUT!!! WRECKAGE & THE BLUECHILD??????
Did biking w music rosary
Pictures are distracting??? Cause intrusive thoughts
DVM easiest w no music, it's too chantlike for a bgm
CHURCH!!!!! ;______;
Wore teal glasses today
Exercise getting a bit easier!
WEIGHT DROP??
Wreckage taking pills
"Its fitting restitution for what I once did"
I FORGOT ABOUT THAT
BK 230, very slowly
Tumblr panic
REBIRTH
More "Nicodemus" inspiration; what is this??
"aionios" = INFI RENAME???
Fought SO HARD not to purge
PAINTING
Shirts & blots
Music vibes: frost vs evev
DN 730
Its quiet. Were sitting here in air conditioning, as low light rivers kiss the trees gold, looking up at the moon. What unexpected peace. Thank You God for this.
Seriously going to cut down food portions again. Too much egg & vegetable bulk is causing nausea I'm sure
Minor bingepurge
Gotta be the eggs
Razor atoned
Feeling strangely closer than usual, but not fronting directly
Xenophon 05 points "everything is possible with God"
REVERSE SLC/CNC
OUR CHANCE TO RIGHT OUR WRONGS!!!
THIS IS A HUGE GRACE BOY DON’T MISS OUT
...
