Wishing Star

[prismaticbleed]

 

Very, very quick update as it's one minute to-- oh, never mind. It's 4AM.

Anyway, how have you been?
I know I said I was starting over back in October... well, I did. Yes, I actually followed through immediately for once!
It took a lot of work, a lot of experimentation, far too many risks, far too many battles, and far too much pain, but... I've begun to find my happiness again.
Little things, right now, but they're helping.


Now about the title... my Jirachi plushie is sitting to my left so I decided to put her nickname up there.
You know... "The wishing star of seven nights." It just struck me as very inspirational all of a sudden.

I think about that, too, and I wonder.
If I had a wish... three wishes, maybe, or just one... what in the world would I wish for?
Realistically, you know. It's like the Genie from Aladdin said: "I can't kill anyone, I can't make anyone fall in love with you, and I can't bring anyone back from the dead!" Limits, you know.
But is that all?
I don't think it's possible, at all, to have world peace or end world hunger or do anything huge like that through a wish, no matter how badly I may want it. You'd be manipulating too much, changing too much at once. It's impossible.
Same with salvation and stuff like that... you can't wish for it, only work for it!
So what would I wish for, that I really need?
I mean, I can think of things that I want, but can't we all?
What do I really need?


I'm not too sure, actually.
I could wish for peace in my family... for my mother to finally have a house, for my aunt to stop suing us.
I could wish for my father to stop drinking and smoking, to get back on track with his life... I could wish for my family to stop hating him.
I could wish for my grandparents to have good health for years to come. No cancer... no heart attacks...
I could wish for my brothers to grow up without experiencing what I had to experience. I could wish for them to get great jobs and careers and marriages and so they never have headvoices like I do.
I could wish for my friends to find peace and happiness, too. I'm not too sure what I could say for Ben, but I could wish for Jim to recover from his painful past... I could wish for Q to finally find someone that fits him, that he can have a life with... I could wish for Vickie to find happiness.
I could wish for Julie to go away forever.
I could wish for enough money for college, for surgery, to pay the bills.
I could wish for so much... but what do I really need?


The truth is, I don't know.


And that is why I think that, if I ever had a wish, I'd probably wish for it to be given to someone else... someone wiser, someone who had better insight and foresight and hindsight, who knew what they were doing and weren't bloody-eye blind like I am, crazy white irises and all. Can't see a damn thing anymore with all these tears and hallucinations. I wonder how Justice does it.

But yes. I honestly don't know what I'd do.


Well... maybe I'd wish for a little more self-worth, so I stop thinking I don't deserve anything at all.

But I think I'd be happier going it alone, you know... running like always.
Life's an adventure. I can't stop, I can't cheat, I refuse to take the easy way out.
I make it hard on myself, but I like it this way.


Maybe I'd wish that I never lose faith.
I want to be able to keep running... to keep trying, to keep hoping and dreaming and inspiring... and wishing.
I want to never lose sight of where I ultimately want to be.


Is that selfish?
Could I do better with a wish?

Solomon wished for wisdom, and I could really use that, too.
I want to be just, I want to be fair, I want to live better for the sake of others...



But I don't know. Today's world is so crazy, I... could I do something for them directly, or... I don't know.



Geez.



Jirachi, dear, go give someone else a wish.






When daytime turns to night,
When the moon shines bright,
When you're tucked in tight,
And everything's alright

Slip softly to that place,
Where secrets thoughts run free,
And there come face to face,
With who you want to be!

So, swim across the ocean blue;
Fly a rocket to the moon!
You can change your life
Or you can change the world!
Take a chance, life is yours to live!

Make a wish!
It's up to you!
Find the strength inside, and watch your dreams come true!
You don't need a shooting star.
The magic's right there in your heart!
Close your eyes
Believe...and make a wish!