E.D. RECOVERY WORKBOOK: ROOTS

[prismaticbleed]

 

The more I think about the eating disorder, the more "roots" I find?

RESTRICTION ROOTS

+ "Refusal" of body maturation = sexuality
+ Terror of female body shape; gender dysphoria
+ "Rejection" of invasion (sexual abuse)
+ "Swallowing" fear of "contamination" (+ compulsive spitting)
+ Family body image toxicity; fat-shaming
+ Fasting; desperate attempt to "be good/ holy/ pure"
+ Food TOO stressful/ confusing; "don't know what's right" so AVOID IT ALTOGETHER
+ "I can either think about food, or creativity; it's one or the other"

PURGE ROOTS

+ "Get the poison out" (pain; literal sickness from spoiled food)
+ "Stay clean/ pure/ empty"; UNTOUCHED (sexual abuse)
+ "Reject what I didn't say "no" to" (sexual abuse)
+ "I made a mistake while eating; I MUST RESET/ RESTART and GET IT RIGHT"
+ Rage/ sorrow/ fear response; unable to tolerate emotion; try to "eject it"

BINGE ROOTS

+ Fight sensory deprivation & isolation
+ Numb intolerable emotions/ reality terror
+ "Learn to like everything" (sexual abuse)
+ Associating eating with "self care" & reward (family)
+ Self-abuse
+ "I made a mistake while eating; it CAN'T be "good" now so I'M "DOOMED" to KEEP doing wrong"
+ Creative/ organizational OUTLET when need is otherwise unmet