poem: infinitii eternos

[prismaticbleed]

(commissioned from opalborn)




shadow-dipped hands swallow the light;
palms cup an abyss of darkness
my eyes bleed to look upon you,
but your touch seals the cuts, heals
the wounds

the haven of nightfall, I can hide
in the spread of shadows, from all
but you -- my confidant
whose understanding pierces me
to the core, achingly gentle

I whisper to you all my secrets
vast as outstretched wings, you hold up
the mirror without condemnation,
with ceaseless, insistent forgiveness –
my endless respite

so often a surprise, you show me
new ways of seeing --
kaleidoscopic changes in perspective;
you lay me open
to new expansive vistas

and hold me together
in the aftermath of revelation –
jewel-tone truths set with diamond dust,
maelstrom in the darkness
and the tranquil eye within

truth can be a weapon –
I know you are danger and risk;
I am vulnerable in our intimacy –
but in your gentle hands
I am willing to risk your honesty

compassion can cut razor keen,
precise as your demands, my
buckled knees; infernal seraph
singing with a thousand voices
one solemn molten song

your wings embrace me, smother me:
I have never been less alone

 

 

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(author's first draft, which i still love dearly:)

 

shadow-dipped hands swallow the light;
spangled palms cradle an abyss
my eyes bleed to look upon you,
but your touch seals the cuts, heals
the wounds

blanket silence, a plush absorption
heavy velvet folds, a conflagration
of softness -- hold me
until I am lost in you
and made whole again

black hole blaze, jasmine
on the night air, you are sweetness
like falling stars
and the amnesia of downy feathers --
my endless respite

the glint of stars scattered
in endless night, pastiche
of dreams aswirl and blurred
in jewel tones, set with diamond dust
amid the stellar waltz

and echoed in the pastel whispers
of every bubble more fragile
than a breath, than a sharp word;
a thousand wings cover and uncover
your eyes, stern and principled

you are the sword's edge,
righteous crystalline resolve:
all excuses char and crumble
in your fanatic gaze
there will be no settling here

compassion can cut razor keen,
precise as your demands, my
buckled knees; infernal seraph
singing with a thousand voices
one solemn molten song

your wings embrace me, smother me:
I have never been less alone

 

 

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my response to the first poem draft...


"Let me see what specifics I can give for adjustments:

"blanket silence, a plush absorption" and "amnesia of downy feathers" are too soft, if that makes sense. I guess hir comfort is more of an internal thing-- it's a knowing that ze can be trusted entirely, despite any fear. It's a sense of absolute calm against all odds, while still knowing those odds full well. "conflagration of softness" works well for that.

"black hole blaze" and "you are the sword's edge, righteous crystalline resolve" honestly feel more similar to someone else I know! Infinitii is less sharp, less focused in that sense. Hir intensity is more broad, quiet, and somewhat unsettling, something that elicits a feeling of humbling awe. It's not like seeing thunderclouds on the horizon, instead it's like the feeling when you 'realize' a secret undercurrent in a book: a sudden coalescing of comprehension, of sensing something big and terribly important yet hidden.

The fourth and fifth stanza don't exactly fit as a whole; mostly, the dreamlike imagery doesn't match. The line "in jewel tones, set with diamond dust" feels right though.

Lastly I feel I should add that Infinitii has a share of 'weakness' too, being so tied to subconscious presence-- as a great deal of what is held there can be outrageously harmful if not managed prudently. That turbulent core of hir existence gives hir a deep empathy, and an unfailing forgiveness, for both hirself and anyone else that may fall prey to that same shadow-self. That awareness and acceptance of hir own share in that inescapable vulnerability also gives Infinitii a vibe of subtle care and delicacy (not fragility).
To quote a friend, they put this juxtaposition into words better than I could:
"...The way you talk about Infi makes me think of the feeling I get sitting in a treetop, far above the sounds of any traffic, swaying gently with the motion of the breeze. There’s bone-deep joy permeating everything about the feeling and hir, accompanied by this sense of wonder and true gratitude to even be able to witness something (someone) like that. Infi feels simultaneously agelessly wise and childishly...gleeful? I can’t seem to find the right word- just full of... wonder and love for everything all around. Ze’s impeccably balanced between these two things I view as separate, and there’s a beauty in the joining that I never would have seen if I had never known of Infinitii."

Just mentioning that as it is a strong part of Infi's personality, and I know I didn't quite emphasize it in the original description I sent to you.
I hope that all helps?"