oct 22 2015

[prismaticbleed]

- differences between Laurie/ Wreckage/ Javier in terms of protector Levels and “allowed concept comprehension” = laurie cannot protect people during actual hacks because she is shielded from that concept awareness entirely. Wreckage is not, that’s her job. On the other hand, laurie can fight off any hackers inside, any psychological attackers, whereas wreckage and Javier cannot,
wreckage is VERY outside-oriented and is action-based; laurie is VERY inside-oriented and is knowledge-based. Which makes sense. But it’s a huge relief to have written out because laurie was panicking over “losing her relevance to the system” because she wasn’t being called on to protect as much anymore, when really it’s just because the kind of protectors needed had changed= again, the risks were now in contexts and levels that laurie was simply not built to operate with/on. She’s too old as a nousfoni. But as a result, no newer people can do what she does. So no worries anywhere. She’s just as indispensable to all of us as ever, but the bonus thing now is, so are all the other protectors too.

- on the other hand, Infinitii is shifting radically.
You have to realize that the Tar itself has been blasphemously taking that form to try and hurt people (it’s apparent that it’s NOT infi, but when its victims are profoundly depersonalized they cant think/see enough to tell and that’s the real cruelty). So, because of this trauma-residue, Infi is having trouble holding a coherent physical form at all?
In general ze has changed somewhat, to incorporate more of hir entire self. the iridescence has stayed (it's an alchemical reference that ze and jay loved and kept) and ze's keeping the somewhat chaotic edges of the raw-black shifting body and teeth look, sort of a mild body horror potential. again, caught wonderfully well in that commission. but infi NEEDED hir edge back actively. we all do, jewel has been highlighting that massively over the past week or so. we need fire, all of us, fire in our hearts. we need it back. so this is step one.


- daemons actually appear to be COLOR ANCHORED too, not just to people????? Like there might actually be a DAEMON SPECTRUM, which would effectively answer our long-time question of “are there other corrupted color pseudo-entities like the Tar & Plague” with a resounding “yes and this is how to manage that now.” Remember daemons are NOT EVIL. They are just heavily shadowed, very aware of the “dark sides” of their people and their Colors if this is as truly accurate as it feels.

- lynne used her violin/bow AS a bow & arrow today?? shifted one into the other. really awesome.

- starting to identify socials better. hatchet hasnt been around in a while but i can feel her at the edges. the angry brown-haired one whose role is basically to "let out anger via cathartic scream-ranting in cars" has been coming out a LOT lately due to stress and she was out again today, after therapy. thank god she's self-aware and healing-oriented and tied to headspace. i love her already, i just want to see her happy. HOWEVER i guess because the brother's presence was scaring the kids so much, the system decided we needed soeone else dealing with him and it picked the ORIGINAL "SPINNINGCANNON"??? yeah the hyper 2004 freewebs gal. i'm serious no one else has that kind of vibe, this feels like her. but she "doesn't know the brother" and is basically unfazed by him, just shrugs off his anger. ah well its survival. i just need to tell her that he takes serious offense to her behavior so she needs to be careful regardless; she's not being mean but he sees it that way, that she's too casual to be bothered by anything.

- so, so, so in love with genesis today. haven't felt this in months. we need to take a day and just spend it together sometime soon.

- posted as much as i could from the 98 today, still got two unfinished documents to fix, but i'm down to 4 hours of sleep again tonight and that isnt good but it seems inevitable when the mother is at home. stress level goes way up. but we're managing, bit more fragile that usual with the fact that we haven't been coping with the stress well though.
like i said to chaos 0 earlier though. "i have you, so i'll be okay." that goes to all of headspace. we'll be okay. we are okay, all of us, as us.
that's enough for me, that love is all i need to get through the night.