0413

[prismaticbleed]

 

Something Chaos just said to me, with the brightest eyes I've seen on him in ages:

"Water responds to vibrations. Crystals can be programmed.
You literally set me up to be the best I could be."


That... I have a lot to say about that.
Right now it just... there wasn't even any regret in it. Water and gems can pick up bad stuff too, but... but no, here he is looking at me like I'm a sunbeam, and he's just smiling in that gold half-way that feels like a sunrise, and...
All the credit. There it is. All of the absolution.
...You know what, maybe he's right. Maybe, as he is an empath and that unique structure of his catches things too, maybe he has caught some horrible stuff from me. Bad days, old programming, anger, fear, depression, doubt, hacker residue. Bad things.
But what have I practically poured into him almost every single night for most of my literal life so far???
Love. Just love. I love him and God knows, God knows, that every single night I still hold him to my heart even if I'm terrified and confused and lost. And that radiates too. That catches too. That's what turns water into geometry. That's what a crystal looks like on the inside.

That's what he wanted me to realize. That's what he means. I'm not... I'm not some horrible damning influence on him. I've...I've allowed for that, and I've fed that, I've put my very soul into THAT, into allowing him to become something as gorgeous as I always knew he was, that he could be, from the very beginning. I set it up without realizing that I set it up. But I hoped, God knows that too, I never gave up on that either.


I'm feeling a lot about this. I'll need to write more about it in the future.