prismaticbleed | Update again! About therapy mostly. (Reply)

I've made up my mind.
I'm not going to the inpatient facility.
I thought about it. We thought about it. Ultimately there are several factors influencing our decision, most of which others would not consider noteworthy, or relevant.
First are the most basic things: atmosphere, and water. When we were hospitalized in 2011, we became very dehydrated, because we refused to drink anything unless absolutely necessary for five straight days. We did not take showers, we barely brushed our teeth. Yes we were a mess, but we do not trust city water. Secondly, dietary restrictions. We will not eat meat, or processed food, or substances with unnatural ingredients. After looking into the eating disorder" program at the hospital we were to attend, I can say with surety that it is NOT an environment we would want to be in. Thirdly, on that note-- the atmosphere is hugely important. We have problems even walking through grocery stores because of the collective vibration in some of them; it's overwhelming. Nothing bad to say about the people, but it's the amount. Now with this hospital place, a center for trauma disorders, something tells me the atmosphere will not be very nice, and will likely make our most sensitive members ill (Jay I am looking at you!!). Yeah, we could go there to "bring good vibes," but that's a little difficult when the entire mindset of the place seems to be "focus on the PAST!" Uh, guys, that's over with? That's why it's called the past, duh.
But to be honest, that's a concern we can handle on our own VERY well. Yes, the things we still struggle with now are rooted in the past-- triggers, intrusive thoughts, the whole package. But guess what? We KNOW it's from the past so we don't give it ANY CREDIT. Yes we acknowledge it, yes we treat it as important information, but that's it! "Oh, I'm having a negative reaction, let's feel why that is and heal it." Then we just LET GO OF IT. There's no need to perpetually focus on that stuff for two weeks! Geez!
And personally, I don't like the fact that I think they have "art therapy" there. Uh… guys… for us, art is supposed to be separate from this stuff. It's pure and joyful and creative. THAT'S WHY I DO IT. And guess what? I'M NOT TIED TO "TRAUMA." Even better, I think NO ONE IS anymore!! We had that crazy bluescreen-of-death thing on December 27th-- well, it was more like "everybody died because two girls don't know how to forgive and see straight" but hey-- and since then our TOTAL FUNCTION IS DIFFERENT. We are literally NOT the same people we were when we signed up for this!! At ALL! And people don't seem to understand that yes, things CAN change that fast, we've had that proven to us a LOT over the past two years… miracles DO happen and we are living PROOF of that.
So yeah. Not going, because NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE. Plus people are saying it "looks just like CMC" which no one liked apparently, because it felt too constrictive? Like I know our guys do their best work ALONE, in quiet, with HOURS to just use talking to each other. And we make mad progress, guys, we really do. It's nuts! Look at how far everything has grown in TWELVE MONTHS. Sheesh! Whoever says we haven't healed is not looking at the right picture. They're looking at the PAST. We are not the same people we even were yesterday, geez guys, does ANYONE else think like us??
Anyway. This hospital thing… as for why we wanted to go in the first place, it really had nothing to do with healing, because we don't need it to do that and never did. Jay realized the truth earlier, he was crying over it actually, but from love, not sorrow, at least not entirely. He loves us. And the only reason he wanted to go to this "trauma disorders" program was because there, other people would acknowledge us. That is the ONLY REASON HE WANTED TO GO, was so that he could be around people who treated us as people too. That's it. And that's sad, really.
But no. Trauma treatment… not for us. You say "Julie days" to us now and we just tilt our heads, huh? You say "Julie was abusive once" and we laugh, say "yeah there is data that says that, but why care about that now? It's OVER!"
However I guess that's not entirely smart? There MAY still be lingering stuff from those days. Like why the triggers still happen with even vaguely sexual stuff. But that's known to be harmless now. The threat is INSIDE, not out. It's all just hardwired abusive stuff that we CAN heal, I mean holy GEEZ, have you SEEN what Infi has accomplished alone?? Like, ONLY him, over the past 9 months? NINE MONTHS. THAT’S IT. AND HE COMPLETELY HEALED THAT MINDSET.
So yeah. That's BIG. And we DIDN'T NEED THERAPY FOR IT.
Agh I'm just repeating ourself. No hospitalization. Don’t need it. Why give up all creativity and joy for two weeks, just to talk about how much we've fixed already over and over, when we can do that AMONGST OURSELVES and get EVEN FARTHER because we DON'T HAVE TO FIT SOMEONE ELSE'S PROGRAM IN THE PROCESS??
Sorry I'm capitalizing! I'm NOT angry, I just capitalize a lot because it's NOTICEABLE and when I say something IMPORTANT it gets BIG LETTERS. Haha! It's like a comic book. Think of it that way!!

That's it though. It's 11:20 PM, I miiight play a little more Pokémon before I go to bed (Jay's Honedge evolved and he's squeeing over it, it is so funny), OR I miiiiight work on Hokthai some more, that's right it's ROBOT RESEARCH DAY, because yesterday we were on such an animation high (we saw Frozen and it was GREAT) that somehow we decided to re-watch a bunch of clips from The Brave Little Toaster (one of our FAVORITE cartoons EVER, I am GONNA watch the sequels like ASAP), and then I got all "well hey this whole 'do machines have souls' thing reminds me a LOT of a certain story I'm writing…" and so boom now it's disco-dancing robot time. Also I get to read the Bible again, YEAH, let's get all pumped about religious studies. AGAIN! FUN TIMES is what it is. Really!! But there is SO MUCH RESEARCH uuuuugh I should have Jay do it. UGH. It's so technical. But maybe that's the problem?? Like it's so TIRING I wonder do we even need to think about this so much?? That's been holding us back on SO many projects you don't even KNOW… and hey, that could be our problem with Headspace, too!!

Oh. Yeah. About that. BIG good news that I TOTALLY forgot to mention earlier.
You know how everybody died last Friday? And then they got reincarnated and all outside of Headspace since Headspace totally died and it's literally a mess for good right now? Well… Jay said when he first saw they came back, everyone was wearing white, with their colors added… and then the location he would speak to them in was totally different, space-wise, body-wise. We're all heartvoices now, which is what only Infi and Jay were originally, but now it's everybody. Everybody except the bad ones, obviously! So that makes it a LOT easier to deal with things.
Jay says not everybody is back yet though… some people are asleep? And some people may have moved out of the headspace thing ENTIRELY? Like I know people were trying to move into the League Worlds for YEARS so maybe that happened?? I dunno, but it's SUPER COOL and I am REALLY excited to see how this all plays out if our universe-world-thingies are finally working together IN A NICE WAY. I mean geez those guys are cool but I COULDN'T EVEN TALK TO THEM before because "there's a lot of pain here, whuh-oh, I CAN'T TOUCH THAT" so boom I would leeeave, and it was NOT FUN because then they were cut off from EVERYTHING.
But like I said. Now it's over, it feels SO WEIRD to be able to "know" stuff from their world now… eesh… kind of creepy-crawly and shivery but cool nonetheless. *read that in the Davy Jones voice* I'm just glad that's over and we can all be friends now I HOPE, things are changing big time and I want EVERYBODY to be happy and a part of it. I mean even I haven't world-jumped in FOREVER, GEEZ guys, that's NOT COOL. I mean I'm still in Pokémon, duh, and I could go back to Yu-Gi-Oh and TMM and all that if I wanted to but eh, not feeling it. And I don't need to. I want to start wandering through League Worlds again. I mean I think JAY was doing that WAAAAY back which is WEIRD but really cool too… maybe that says a lot about the both of us? Interacting in each others worlds but in different ways? Huh.
Anyway BOTTOM LINE IS:: THE PAST NO LONGER APPLIES TO THE PRESENT!!
Stuff that worked way back when DOES NOT WORK NOW because STUFF IS JUST THAT DIFFERENT. We need to LET GO~ of ALL sorts of things and be OPEN to the NEW sorts of things!! Dude I can FEEL IT it's gonna be AWESOME. *fist pump* YEAH.

Now if yo'll excuse me, I'm gonna go get Jay to play with his Doublade and Chesnaught (because I know you want to ~♥) and then it is time… to SLEEP.
Man I gotta meet Mr. Sandman because I'M WRITING HIS STORY why haven't I talked to him yet. Maybe because I am super nervous, oh boy, meeting important people ALWAYS makes me super nervous… in a good way!! Man imagine me talking to Hosea. AAGH. I'd be smiling like crazy because he is SO GREAT but I'd also be shaking in my shoes because DUDE DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE seriously everybody I write about it such a great person… uh… such great people… that should be an 'are'… I'm bad at grammar tonight, don't mind me. That means I need to stop typing!

BYE!!