dec 12

[prismaticbleed]

"Take It All" by Todd Rundgren is our "System song," if you will.

It's become a sort of ritual for us to listen to this on the drive home from therapy sessions, as it reminds us of the bigger picture in spite of the old pain, and the hope we all refuse to lose sight of.
We may have been born from pain, true... but there's a stronger thing keeping us together now.

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@ 12:16 am


So we just found this almost-an-hour slowdown of the Jurassic Park theme, of all things?
We're playing it over speakers in the Underground, and Knife's so moved by it ("I've never heard anything like this before") that the man's actually tearing up and hanging on Laurie's arm for emotional support. But it's just as moving to see someone in here so affected by music, too.

He doesn't have his own page so we're posting this on the main account, for us to all remember later.
We need more nights like this, completely free of pain, with everyone just sitting around together in awe of the beauty of life.

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@12:26 am

listening to this https://soundcloud.com/birdfeeder/jurassic-park-theme-1000-slower
knife is actually crying from how moved he is by the music
he was hanging off laurie's arm earlier, overwhelmed, saying he just needed to 'hold on to someone'
now theyre sitting on a couch in the underground meeting room just listening
knife apologized for being so emotional but laur said "don't you dare censor that"
she said when beauty makes you respond to it in kind, you let that happen however it wants to
knife's wiping tears from his eyes with the palm of his hand, just this really genuine motion
it really struck a chord with me so i'm writing it down

sugar is sitting on the floor next to the unnamed "angry girl" that holds the rage towards the parents
they're trying to work together and be friends, they're both technically protectors of the innocents
she doesn't have a name yet but i'm sure we'll find one soon enough
she's helping us build her subeta avatar, she actually tried to draw herself to help us see her hair?
so that was really cool too.
sugar said she's been slipping badly but i think this camaraderie will really help them both

earlier, laurie, leon, infi and i were just listening to choral music in infi's realms
as we were walking by the christmas tree downstairs
laurie and leon were practicing channeling music, they were both euphoric over it
but that was another 30 minutes of peace and community and we need that

that is it for today, just wanted to record that.
the little things are what really matter i think.
theres so much joy hidden in this system, we tend to lose sight of it with the trauma stuff
but it never breaks, its never lost

laurie said, "stop trying to 'fix' the road you're lost on; just turn around and get on a different road"
jay keeps thinking he's broken but he's not, no one here is, no one ever is
we just lose sight of our deeper natures sometimes.
but its getting harder to forget now.
lately we've all been so aware of the bigger picture here
and that's really beautiful too.
so it's like we're all a part of the music in our own way

sorry, battery dying, see you tomorrow after therapy