SELF-COMPASSION WORKBOOK: NOTES

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• It is MUCH easier to show compassion-- and to rejoice in our weaknesses-- when we acknowledge our imperfections as PROOF that we are NOT GOD! This requires HUMILITY & CHARITY.
• "Loving others as yourself" REQUIRES that we comfort and care for ourselves, too-- to treat ourselves with warmth, caring, and understanding, instead of bitter criticism and harsh judgments! Remember "the measure by which you measure!" You CANNOT have a double standard without one eventually spilling over into the other-- and you don't ever want to risk the self-hatred turning outwards, so let go of it and practice SELF-COMPASSION!
• Compassion means "to suffer with." You NEED to have a tender heart, one that CAN be wounded, and that is soft-- not hard or obstinate-- to be compassionate. Such a heart naturally honors truth.
• To be human is to be vulnerable, mortal, and imperfect. We were MADE to rely on God, NOT ourselves! We're imperfect by design! You are no exception, charged to be "perfect"-- no, YOU ARE PART OF COMMON HUMANITY. You will be inadequate, you will fail, you will be hurt. ALL HUMANS ARE. Accepting this prevents isolatory pride, and promotes inclusive humility. Embrace your sufferings as bittersweet blessings.
• You CANNOT ignore your pain and feel compassion for it at the same time!! You must admit, look at, AND handle a wound in order to heal it.
• Your thoughts are not your identity. Thoughts are mutable, changing, fickle, automatic, compulsive, intrusive, distorted, etc. The very fact that you CAN step back from & watch them is proof that they are NOT YOU. You only have them. Your truest self is God's Spirit in you-- pure, true, & immutable; eternal love.
• SELF-COMPASSION IS NOT SELF-PITY. You WILL have to carry a cross in life-- the key is whether you carry it WITH JESUS-- and His Mystical Body of humanity-- or alone. And He carries ALL of our crosses, the full context of human experience... so if you join Him, SO MUST YOU. Offer it up FOR THEM. There are millions who are suffering, not just you, but Christ recognizes and shoulders ALL our pains TOGETHER in LOVE. He does not minimize or brush off a single ache, nor does he ignore or reject them. Do that with your own sufferings, for and with all suffering-- all with Him, through Him, for Him.
• PRACTICE opening your heart like this. Pray about it; ask God for the grace & love TO do it, as well as for genuine receptivity to others' pain. Be humble with love. Sit & really ache with your fellow man, all over the world, and lift them up to God. Offer up your own small pains-- and ALWAYS see your own pain, although real, as small in comparison, for charity's sake-- for their benefit. Anchor yourself in compassion. We suffer together and help each other heal.
• You CANNOT "shame yourself into action"!! This use of self-flagellation as a "motivator" often results in terrified paralysis, because you're so afraid of hating yourself IF you face the difficult and shameful truths about yourself. This inevitable hatred is scarier than remaining stuck in this muffled pain, so you doom yourself to inaction in an attempt to avoid more punishment and self-loathing. IT'S A DEATHTRAP. The only way out is to change your motivator to HOPE THROUGH COMPASSION, where the atmosphere is SAFE and open for healing, growth, and change... instead of imprisoning you in the endless pain of brutal penalties and unforgiveness.
• "Two wrongs don't make a right." Hatred and cruelty CANNOT result in healing!! Beating yourself up only makes the pain worse. True change for the better begins with MERCY-- with Christ's example of tender forgiveness & compassion. Knowing you are cared for & loved GIVES the strength & hope REQUIRED to transform a life. Be not afraid! Take heart! God Himself takes your hand and lifts you up & embraces you. He wants you to LIVE!!! Punishment doesn't factor into His forgiveness-- He took it all for you on the Cross!!
• Cultivate a feeling of kindness and care towards your own self-- like taking tender care of a tiny flower. Think of the Lunar Tear-- the White Moonflower! Remember the EFFORT & TIME it took to grow-- and remember WHY you did all of it with untiring dedication... you did it because you loved your daughter. Treat this process the same way.

 

• JESUS & MARY are the LITERAL ORIGINS/FULFILLMENTS OF THE "WISE MIND" CONCEPT???
• Jesus is the ONLY TRUE IDEAL of a "compassionate self-image"!!! WRITE ABOUT THIS. We feel/ fear that we don't "know Him" well/ truly enough. This honest reflection WILL help deepen our relationship. Remember-- He accepts you with RADICAL UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. Learn from Him, and love others-- and yourself-- the same way!!
• Concerning "wise mind" qualities= Laurie has ALWAYS been "strength & wisdom." Chaos is "warm caring & non-judgment"?
• Images of places that I personally find soothing/ that help me feel compassionate= Christmas, snowy forests, Gimmelwald, Easter? As for people, that's obviously Jesus, Mary, Laurie, Chaos, and Genesis.
• WE NEED MORE PEOPLE "ENRICHING/ EXPANDING" THE REACH OF THESE QUALITIES & ROLES WITHIN THE SYSTEM, ESPECIALLY IN HUE-SPECIFIC UNIQUE WAYS!!
• "Step back from your self-critical part"= this is LITERALLY our life as a System. ACCEPT that, FIND/ FACE this poor nousfoni, and LOVE THEM TOO!!! Self-critical, shameful emotions are TRYING TO PROTECT US FROM DANGER; they PERCEIVE a threat and are responding in SURVIVAL INSTINCT! So don't treat those nousfoni as "enemies" or even as "corrupt"; it's the exact opposite: THEY'RE TRYING TO SAVE OUR LIFE.
• Our survival inside and out requires UNITY & COOPERATION IN HEALING!!!

• If you are afraid to be compassionate because "it might make you weak or lazy," then YOU DON'T REALLY VALUE COMPASSION. You are actually prioritizing POWER/AMBITION and rejecting "weakness"/ the CAPACITY to fail; you are rejecting humility & mortality, and subtly choosing SELF-IDOLATRY AND EGOTISM.
• "Be gently sensitive to your feelings and distress, rather than ignoring, avoiding, or denying them" = SELF-EMPATHY = LIFE AS A SYSTEM!!! We must work WITH each other, to understand each other, and once we have that "familiarity" or even "friendship" with even our most angry or damaged selves, we will NO LONGER BE AFRAID OF THEM.  
• Sympathy is NOT about "feelings"; it is about the DESIRE TO HELP & HEAL OTHERS. It is an exercise of the WILL? CHOOSE to do good, even if your emotions are flat!!
• Forgiveness allows others/us to learn HOW to change! By being "open to" our mistakes we can LEARN FROM THEM, and therefore COMPLETELY DISARM THE CONCEPT OF "FAILURE" by making each "misstep" into part of a greater dance, as it were. PERFECTIONISM PREVENTS FORGIVENESS; it has no room for mercy. It will instead attack and condemn anything and everything that "threatens" its pure ideal. THIS LEADS ONLY TO MUTUAL DESTRUCTION.
• Human beings inherently have a full range of positive and negative emotions-- a full SPECTRUM, if you will. When we open our heart to accept the reality of ALL our virtues and vices in the moment, WE GAIN THE ABILITY TO GROW & HEAL & IMPROVE. This acceptance does NOT mean stagnancy! If someone "accepts" that the have unhealthy behavior but DOES NOT try to heal it, then they are disrespecting their humanity by refusing to live with moral dignity. Nevertheless, denying that we are capable of such vices only blinds us to truth, prevents vulnerability and empathy, and is even moreso a dishonor to GOD. You NEED to be right in the middle of things, accepting it all like Christ accepted even the most depraved sinner who still desperately hoped they could be something more than that. THAT'S COMPASSION!!
• Ask yourself: WHY do we avoid the painful feelings we have?? Is it shame?? HOW does compassion help??
• When you are self-critical, REMEMBER that at heart it is a PROTECTIVE instinct in response to a perceived threat! Use SELF-EMPATHY (or just talk to other nousfoni) to learn what those perceived threats are, and then use your "compassionate side" to provide "alternate views & feelings," WITHOUT DISMISSING OR DOWNPLAYING THAT PROTECTIVE DRIVE!!! OR THE THREAT ROOTS!!! IF A CHILD IS GONNA DIE IF THEY DON'T ACT A CERTAIN WAY, DON'T JUST PRETEND YOU CAN "TURN IT OFF"!!!! NEVER DISREGARD A RESPONSE JUST BECAUSE YOU DON'T SEE OR FEEL A THREAT!!!
• STRENGTHEN YOUR "COMPASSION SYSTEM" KIDDO! Repeated, chronic trauma burns pathways into the brain that become desperately automated and instinctive. We become so used to attacks and fear that, in contrast, we become almost incapable of even simulating supportive, safe, kind alternatives. We need to EXERCISE these strategies, to TRAIN like soldiers of light in this internal battle, learning how to be courageously compassionate in order to cope, WITHOUT DENYING THE WAR.

 

• When one of us is struggling, be kind, and soothe them if possible. A sentence from the workbook that struck my heart is: "oh, it's so hard to feel this. May I be kind to myself." Apply that to the System. Those of us who are deeply wounded, afraid, and damaged are constantly struggling. It is so, so difficult for them to exist. Be kind to them.
• Many "self-soothing" exercises use "parental" language, or childlike metaphors, which are BOTH TERRIFYING AND INFURIATING for us. We need to heal our MOTHER FEAR before we can think of EITHER a "maternal" or a "child" figure as even vaguely safe, instead of just another source of screaming horror.
• Allow emotional discomfort to just "be there," like a guest in your house. DON'T immediately jump into negative coping mechanisms and self-abuse just to "numb it" or hopefully "chase it out." Consider: IT'S A SPLINTER FROM THE CROSS-- or, even more accurately perhaps, a THORN FROM HIS CROWN. Jesus GAVE it to us, to SHARE in His Passion, AND its merits!!! RECOGNIZE AND USE IT AS SUCH. No, it won't be easy at all, and it shouldn't be. But it's WORTH THE ENDURING.
• The workbook keeps talking about "soothing touch." That very sentence makes us want to SCREAM AND VOMIT AND KILL THINGS FOREVER. It's hell. TRAUMA CORRUPTED THE VERY IDEA OF TOUCH, DIRECTLY AND EXPLICITLY. A horrific observation from the book: "It may feel embarassing to give yourself a gentle hug, for example, but your body doesn't know that! It just responds to the physical gesture of warmth and care, just as a baby responds to being cuddled in its mothers arms (WE DIDN'T KNOW THIS)... research indicates that PHYSICAL TOUCH RELEASES OXYTOCIN, provides a sense of security, soothes distressing emotions, and calms cardiovascular stress." WOW!! NO WONDER SEXUAL ABUSE DESTROYS A PERSON!!!!! We literally had this apparently basic and unavoidable human need turned into a SUICIDE TRIGGER. The very thought of someone touching us, even something as random and unintentional as bumping into us in a crowd or unthinkingly putting a hand on our shoulder, feels like WE WANT TO DIE. I cannot put into words the awful sensation. It's like being stabbed, being burnt, being clawed at, being electrocuted, being eaten by maggots, being infested and invaded and damaged irreparably and RUINED. Touch is, hands-down, the scariest thing in the world for us, on a very basic level. We don't know how far back this started, but the whole "babies need touch" thing is both disgusting for that same reason and curious (we spent the first 3 months of our life in an incubator, lived with very emotionally distant family, and were physically harmed very often as a child).
• On that note, WE CANNOT BE SOOTHED BY TOUCH OR VOICE, and any attempt TO do so will result in BLINDLY VIOLENT SUICIDAL RAGE-FEAR. Trauma has made such attempts, specifically, OUTRIGHT TERRIFYING through shamelessly repeated abuse and corruption of such behaviors.
• ...It also keeps bringing up "hearts." I can't talk about that anymore.
• Nevertheless. Remember that you're loved, too.
• If no one outside can ever be safe or kind, we can be that inside, forever. We used to be. I want that back.
• If nothing else, please, try to take small steps towards healing this INSIDE, with the System, with fellow nousfoni we love and trust. Maybe that can help ease us into asserting our collective body need for safety and real love, and healing it? 
• SPEND TIME WITH PEOPLE (INSIDE) WHO ARE KIND AND GENTLE, EVEN INSPACERS. That will help us learn WHAT REAL, SAFE, COMPASSIONATE CONTACT & COMMUNICATION ACTUALLY LOOKS AND FEELS LIKE.

• "Create a kind environment" for yourself? Be aware of your own likes & dislikes and DECORATE "YOUR SPACE" TO REFLECT YOU???? The very thought of doing that brings up such feelings of self-hating shame, which says a lot in and of itself.
• "Make plans for YOURSELF and follow through"-- this reminds me of "Headspace movie night," dates with Genesis, "Spotify nights" with Chaos 0... even the old Xanga nights. Honestly, if there's ANYTHING I really want my life to be like once I'm out of the hospital... THIS IS IT. I want to live FOR all of us, WITH all of us, with NO SHAME OR DENIAL.
• "RADICAL ACCEPTANCE" = this does NOT mean "accepting I am evil"! That's NOT MERCY OR COMPASSION. True acceptance is accepting that you're HUMAN, and that you are "INHERENTLY BOTH FLAWED & GIFTED." Accept BOTH "what you like AND don't like" about yourself WITH AN OPEN HEART. Like I said before, THAT'S THE DOOR TO CHANGE, because it is the DOOR TO LOVE, and ONLY A FOUNDATION OF LOVE CAN DO ANYTHING GOOD.
• JESUS ACCEPTS AND LOVES YOU THIS WAY. Learn from Him!! His acceptance of sinners, in their current straits, DID NOT "MAKE THEM WORSE", as we fear such acceptance will-- no, it gave them the HOPE AND COURAGE TO BECOME BETTER, WITHOUT DENYING THE VERY GROUND THEY WERE WORKING FROM. God uses "even evil" for His Good Purposes; LOOK AT THE CROSS!!!! Don't deny reality; ANY sort of "lying" like that IS AN AFFRONT TO GOD. God does not want to destroy-- He loves to TRANSMUTE. He loves to turn broken things into stained glass and kintsugi and mosaics. BUT He can't do that if you IF YOU DENY YOUR FLAWS AND HIDE YOUR BROKEN PLACES!!!
• "LIKING YOURSELF IS A STEP TOWARDS RECOVERY... and it will INCREASE YOUR ABILITY TO LIKE AND HELP OTHERS!" Posting that entirely because that is a novel, shocking, scandalous concept... but only for "me," when I'm in "singlet mindset." As a System, it's a wonderful truth, lived and testified to, and it comes naturally. ...That's fascinating, actually. Think about this.
• "You are one of a kind, uniquely made by God, as HE willed, and therefore you, too, are SACRED."