080513

[prismaticbleed]

 

 

 

 

okay listen
this is jay
i ams o sorry i dont know where i am or how

headspace ahs been out for like
a week
linear ltime
not long downsitars
upstairs very very lng.

autopilot almost in unconscious state
barelyable to type
almost have to sthu it off to bget through

whoever is downstaids doesnt know im here
cant let him or her know
cant 'or ill be gone
and thisbis imortant

he kept sthrowing art away just now
triyng gtog ett htough
thrwa atway alot
not coming through

its been so long in headsapce
so long
where are we

lonts of hacsk i things
dosntaria peole out abit
i know the undergroudners were out a bit today
cna barely type sorry

dawgin.
drawring
drawings
infinitii gott rhoguh
i saw it
just barely he somehow cahnneled thgohu

hes bbleeding somewherw
tyieed up lie he was after june
when he died for a bit
god dont let him die again

but
oh god help
i dont know whats going on
where is everybody

i think infis pregnant
id ont know how or withbwhat
but he has sonethung alivine in him
he said for me to not ;let it die
please
i said how
hes said save me
so i havetwo find him

the downstairs person is trying to nget me ot
almost knnows im here
have to go
got to fix this soemhiw
worryosr
sowrry.

dont tell anyone i was here
please

 

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@ 12:26 am

 

 

 

‘Expand Your Horizon’ by Filiskun.

…This gives me an idea.

I can’t tell you what it is. It’s more of a feeling than a thought.

But I’ve wanted to post this for a long time, except it never felt right.
Tonight, right now, it feels like the most relevant thing in the world.

Whatever this is, it’s important.

 

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@ 12:51 am

 

 

JEWEL INFINITII

 

please i need to talk to you.

 

Is this the best way to do so?

 

yes fastest please

 

Infi, what is going on? Where are you?

 

in here. somewhere. dont worry about typos just write PLEASE

 

Infi. WHERE. What does it feel like?

 

nowhere under maybe somewhere deep and darl

 

Is it where you were before?

 

cant tell. maybe. god it hurts

 

I know, what can I do?

 

f fnf find me somehwo plaese.

 

Infi, I... I dont know how. I can't find anyoen else. I don't even know where I--

 

doest matter just LOOK eplase youre the only one who can

 

Right now? Or should I try to proejct?

 

right now

 

Are you sure?

 

yes. even a little just try

 

Okay. Should I tecord it?

 

if you want just come on please dont waste any time theres not much TIME LEF

 

...

 

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 @ 07:29 pm

 

 

 

Okay, Jay here, again.
Just updating to say that whoever was responsible for the August reset needs to stay off our laptop.
We really don't appreciate you deleting everything of ours just because it's not real to you, dude. Please be considerate of our reality, at the very least. You don't have to acknowledge it, just don't destroy it out of disgust/ irritation/ et cetera. Thanks bro.

In other news, dreams lately have been crazy realistic and elaborate, BUT falling asleep has been a nightmare (thanks to people fronting like mad at night, being triggered, and having insomnia something fierce). But we're trying to think positive about that. We'll be cool.

I'm going to update about last night in about... 30 minutes, tops? I need to exercise some more and I want to be in a good state of mind where I can just go into archival recall mode and info-spill everything here. It was INCREDIBLE and frightening and bizarre and overall really, really important. We haven't had a major headspace event like that in a very long time so it actually feels good, to realize we're suddenly back in full-swing two-hour-meditation-mode again, out of the blue. Look for the blessing in everything, you know.

Also we woke up to THIS, talk about synchronicity! ♥

That's something I've been meaning to mention, too.
It seems that whenever a reset attempt happens-- no matter what kind, no matter who is responsible, or when-- for however long the reset period lasts, the outer life will be bombarded with synchronicity. The amount of it seems to vary according to how severe the reset is, and with this last one... well, we were getting huge pushes to "GET BACK TO HEADSPACE" every single day. Of course the usual fronter ignored them, but I saw them. I was out here and there. I saw them all.
And that just... strikes me in the heart, you know? We keep wondering, "is it right for us to be in headspace? What if we're being led astray by this?" We all have doubts about it, especially with how it's tied to past trauma, and the like.
But hasn't it evolved beyond that? Haven't we all evolved beyond that?
Now it's something beautiful, something blessed... heck, it probably was all along, we just couldn't see it.
So I can't help but smile, to see all of this point us right back home.
It means so much.

Lastly. No one knows what's up with Infinitii yet.
I'm probably the only one who isn't surprised, though. The day he manifested, he specifically took his appearance from a certain pixiv artist's style, one that I absolutely adored (and still do)... but he focused on images like this. Always holding energy in his chest or abdomen. I clearly remember wondering about that, somewhat nervously, when I realized it-- you don't just hold energy in those places, in that manner, without it meaning something big-- but I accepted whatever he had chosen, because (to quote myself) "that felt very significant, almost sacred." And it always did, even when I was frightened of him, even when I tried to forget he was part of my life, part of me. It never stopped being something strange and somehow holy. He was the only person, ever, anywhere, that looked like that, and I wasn't immediately terrified of.
It was so bizarre though. That person's art was the first time I had ever seen something I considered explicitly sexual, something dangerous and scary, presented in a non-sexual way. Even more strange was the odd sort of innocence to it, in every simplified figure, with their closed eyes and fragile bodies and clear colors. It was something the likes of which I'd never before seen, and despite my hesitance, it gave me hope.
So when Infinitii suddenly ended up matching what he had mirrored exactly 5 months ago, I wasn't surprised at all.
I don't know if it's parthenogenetic. It strongly feels like it, as he has also expressed. It's strange.
I'm trying to figure out what it is, from the drawings that were channeled last night. It's still embryonic, but whereas Xennie looked similar to a celestial shark embryo, this one is far more traditional from what I can tell? Big eyes, a tail, and what look like forming limbs, although I can't be sure. Again, it's strange. I keep using that word but it just fits this situation far too well, so hey.

In a weird way I'm sort of blissfully happy over this?
I can't see Infinitii as a parent. It doesn't match who he is, or what he is. But I can see him creating life this way. It's always been this integral part of his existence, somehow, and seeing it suddenly manifest itself in such a manner... I dunno, I can't help but smile about it. And I love him. I really do. But I couldn't care less whether or not I have anything to do with this. It's one of those feelings I can't quite put into words.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm getting distracted and I do need to type up last night's data (as much as I can-- meditations are very hard to put into literal words, as they occur in a very non-literal place!) before sleep does a number on our recall again.
See you later.