a prayer to forgive

[prismaticbleed]

 

Lord Jesus Christ, You died on the Cross to expunge my sins. Your Blood washed away the guilt on my record, all the black marks consumed in a wave of merciful Red.

So why can't I forgive myself?

Why do I feel like my sins weren't an inkspill but an explosion? They were more than a stain, a blotch, a smear-- they were fire to the paper, blades to the flesh, bombs to the castle. My sins cannot be so easily wiped away, I fear. There's too much rubble. There's too much blood. How can anyone rebuild after such catastrophe, when the devastation nuked the trees and changed the very shape of the landscape? You can't sew an amputated leg back on. You can't undrown a baby. You can't take the knife out of their back without watching them die anyway. You can't restore your mangled virginity. 

I forget that You delight in doing the impossible good. 

My prayer is simply, desperately this: please, remind me.