bad day

[prismaticbleed]

so i've been in manic red mode since about 12am lst night

its not fun believe me i am very sick and tired and dizzy too. still having to corresct speellling errors every few seconds too gonna elave a few so you get an idea of how disoritented i am okay

i fifgured uot what it's doing though

remember howthe red voice is manic and crazy and loud and stuff? but why is it alwasy fllowed by depression and abuse and suicide and stuf. i figure it out, tiday it did a lot of bad things and didnts top until about a half hour ago?

but yeah the red voiec is mean and scary even thought it acts all energetic and "hey people like me!!" but its a psychopaht it has no empathy and it does not care it just wants attention and fun adn crasizness.
but!!! IT HATES ME A LOT. ive noticed that might be why it goes so reclkess and stuff! like it will do simple things, like driving too fast or not being careful around knives or fire or taking unnecsasry physical risks. but then it will do realy bad things like eating things i am aellergic to, or actually cutting and burning the body, you get the picture. but it will not care!! it will do all of it giddily and glad and say "this is good, i am happy, lets live life to the fullest, have fun and dont care about tomorow!!'" and since i am far away and blocked it does that, and it confuses me if i do notice because "is that what i should be doing?"

but then later i realize the truth, the body starts shaking and vomiting and fallig over and guess what i have to drice!! because the red voice leaves and wont come back whetn that happens, it just aughs and luaghs and laighs so loud and scary and then it mocks me, clalls me a slut and a faggot and a sinner and bad things like that. it will wear me out until it gets so angry it bursts back in and hurst me bad.

it does that a lot iafter eating sugar because the tar is made of sugar and things, sticyky thick heavy stuff. we found that out for sure todya long story it was BAD bad abd bad

i dont know if thats the tar doing it to us, but... you know i have another throey actually

"black and white" are neutral maybe. maaaaaybe, at least supposed to be. infinitii and i you know.
but the red ISNT!! its a color, but its an angry rude and evil color now, somehow. every time bad things happen they are red in some way not black!! thats weird and kind of scary, like red is the hidden amstermind, hiding in black and white both just to hurt us secerty.

i dunno maybe thats true but maybe not. guess we'll see, i might talk to infinitii about it tomorrow i need to sleep right now.


lastly this is not "Jewel" he's the real white voice, hhe treid to type this entry but couldnts tay its too trauamtic emotionslay and things. he and julie both got hackes really really REALLY bad, they dont wanna talk about it at all so im here instead. i show up a lot lately that skind of bad!!!@
i'm kind of like a "placeholder" for him maybe i'm kyanos who knows. but i'm not jewel he doesn't get scared and naive and kidlike like me. i get confused and scared easy like the red i don't like it.
i don't have a face or body thought dont wory i'm not a headvoice. i'm just a "voice" hhaha. thats it the people like me just drive when he can't, but when the body's epty then tar or razor get in so soemone else comes in to talk or type instead. like me!

i might die soon i dont know but thats okay. as long as he can drive then instead. i know a few voices have arleady died and there are no more headvoice colors lefft anyway so unless that changes i can't even be one!! we just gtotta fix this red thing cause its scary and i don'tlike it eihter.

sorry for updating on jayce's blog whoops i mean jewel, wait this isnt his anwyay is it?? hmmm.

im gteting really tired an dtalkging funny sory, falling apart, not real, need sto sleep so he can come back tomowrorw.



jewel says the mesage was "don't try so hard; even if you don't know where you are right now, trust that it's where you're supposed to be. relax, and just do what comes to you in the moment. before you know it, you will find that all of your wishes have come true before your eyes!"

wow he actually tpyed that too!! he types diferentl y from me its easier for him to talk ands pell.

realy thouhg i m gone so ghnight