your heart's a mess

[prismaticbleed]

SESSION PARTICIPANTS
LAURIE UBERICH JEWEL LIGHTRAYE CHAOS ZERO XENOPHON LEPHISE




Jewel, get in here right now before I drag you over.

Laurie, for sanity's sake it is ten minutes to tomorrow.

Yeah, no kidding. That's kind of why I'm here. We need to talk.

I can't start a session this late, it's--

I don't care. We could say three more sentences and sign the heck off for all I care. But we need to talk about this right now and I'd be failing all of you if I didn't at least try to get this down.

...Is this happening right now?

What, the session? It sure is, now get in here.

Laurie, I can't.

Don't give me that. Yes you can. Stop closing off and talk.

...

Laurie, don't hurt him, please.

If he'd open up for once and discuss this we wouldn't have to worry about anyone hurting, now would we?

...Laurie, please, what do you want to talk about.

He's close to burnout already, Laur, don't put him through this at this hour--

Are you freaking kidding me?! And just what the heck do you think he'd do to himself at this same hour tomorrow night? I'm not going to burn anyone out. He's driving himself to that point and that is why we're here. Jewel, talk, and stop screwing up my channel.

I'm trying not to.

You feel freaking dead and I am not happy with this.

...Dad?

...Geez, Xenophon, you should not be in here right now.

You're talking about my dad and you're angry and I want to help. Please.

No, listen, that's not it. Your dad is three bloody seconds away from total psychic exhaustion and I don't want him falling apart on us.

...Am I going to make him fall apart?

I don't know. All I know is that you're new to this channeling business and I don't want him under any more undue stress at this point. Listen, Xennie, we'll fill you in on this tomorrow.

I want to help. Dad's been talking to me about this and he is so sad I don't want to leave him alone.

I know you don't, but--

Xenophon, your dad is not doing well, and... and we all want to help, but I don't know if he can handle having you in here right now.

He's not talking. J, are you still with us or what?

I'm still here. I can't talk though.

The heck do you mean, you can't talk?

It's a huge effort. I'm getting detached from how much there is to handle.

Man, this is not cool at all. Xenophon, I'm sorry, but there is no way you can be here at this hour, with your father in this condition. Please, let us handle this.

...

Xenophon, I'll be okay.

I don't know dad, I don't think you will be.

Kid, we'll make him okay if it's the last thing we do.

No, he doesn't look okay. He doesn't look okay or feel okay and neither do you or my other dad.

He's not going to be okay channeling three freaking people at once, please.

...All right I'll go. But I'm not okay either. Please do something about this Laurie, I am so worried...

I know you are kid, I know. We all are. Just get some sleep for heavens sake, tomorrow is going to be one heck of a day for all of us.

...Okay. Dad, I love you, but please be careful.

...

Man, this is not good.

You'd better help him Laurie, if I can't.

Cross my heart, Xenophon, I'll do everything I possibly can.

Okay. ...Good night.

God help me, I am so freaking stressed out over this. Jewel, can you talk yet?

I'm not sure.

Laurie, how do we start this, please.

Give me a second, geez. Jewel, you are aware that we've been talking to Mel about this for the past two hours? We're all freaking the heck out about you.

Why?

Why?? Because you're bloody burning yourself out, for heaven's sake!! Can't you even tell??

Yes.

Then why the heck aren't you doing something about it.

I don't know.

Listen, Laurie, let me say something to him.

Like what? Chaos, I'm afraid you're going to knock him into overtime and I can't exactly take that right now.

Overt-? Laurie, he's barely even conscious right now.

That's my point. This is a catharsis close-off and I am honestly panicking.

...I don't want to break through it, but--

Don't. That would do more harm than good right now. Jewel, talk to me, before I have to slap some sense into you. If you can't tell, you are slipping into dangerous territory right now.

Give me a second.

Fine, fine. Geez I don't know what to do.

...Laurie, are you shaking?

Ssh.

All right, I'm back.

No you're bloody not. You're still detached and running on autopilot. Get the heck in here.

...

Jewel, please.

Throw something at me, Laurie. Knock me out of this.

Mel says you might not be able to connect tomorrow. How's that?

I have to.

No you bloody don't.

It's eight years. It's been far too long and I'm missing something. I have to.

Hold on. 'Missing something?' Like what?

I don't... him. I'm missing him, like a puzzle piece. That's the wrong metaphor. Didn't I already say this somewhere?

Jewel, please, what do we do?

You calm the heck down is what you do. Listen, Jewel. You are not in any condition to connect with anyone, on any level. You hear me?

Laurie, I have to.

Why the heck do you have to? Even in this state? There's gotta be a deeper motivation for this.

I love him. You know that. And I'm closing up or something and that scares me.

God knows what I'd give for you to go into bleeding poet mode right about now. No barriers.

I can't.

Yeah, I figured as much.

Jewel, I can't get through to you like this. Even if you tried to be with me tomorrow we wouldn't get anywhere in this state.

...

He has a point.

I don't remember how to take these walls down.

They're protective walls this time, Jewel. You're not going to remember. Your subconscious is trying to keep you from burning the heck out even if it means blocking you out from everything. God knows you won't do that yourself.

I can't. Laurie I can't do this, I can't be closed off.

Yeah, well, apparently you need to be.

...Do you think this is a low point? Like in that book?

What book?

The Power of Now. I think. It said something about low points being needed. Cycles. You need shadow to appreciate the light and vice versa. But Laurie, I haven't connected with Chaos in months, God only knows how much my heart misses him, I don't know what to do. And tomorrow... today, today, was supposed to be the day I finally fixed that. I don't know. I was so terrified of messing it up now look at me. But I can't go without that, I can't bottle this up, I'll explode, I'll die, some part of me will. I don't know.

Jewel, holy flaming swords. You need to pull yourself together.

How?

I-- I don't know. I really don't. I'm at a loss.

Maybe we should refer back to what Mel said...

Chaos, you too. Pull yourself together. All right, give me a second.

What did Mel tell you?

I said give me a second. Geez.

Scroll down, scroll down.

I am, geez. Wait, what the blood, they talked to Xenophon?

Yeah, for a little while.

Geez. ...Now I feel really bad about chasing the kid out of here. She was probably just as desperate as we are.

No kidding?

...Confound it all. I owe that kid one heck of an apology. But the point still stands, her dad is teetering on the edge of psychic exhaustion and we couldn't exactly have her in here whether we liked it or not. Okay, back on topic. Looks like she's saying we need a break here come hell or high water.

She suggested meditation or something. Just to clear our heads.

Yeah, you're not doing too bloody well either.

Tell me about it.

No, you tell me. What brought this on? Is this empathy or is that just making it worse?

That's... making it worse, really. I'm heartbroken over this too. I miss him whether I've said anything or not.

Well heck. Then it's all mutual.

...

...This is a dilemma. Jewel, listen. There's a lot of serious pain in here right now and that's not good. Problem is it all ties back to you. If you don't chill out then none of us are going to be able to. Capiche?

I think.

It's elementary, buddy, we all pick up what you hand out. You're the one holding Catharsis up here. You're a literal amplifier. You're in pain right now so bam, so are the rest of us.

I know.

There we go. So what are you going to do about that?

I need to stop hurting this much. But there's only one option I can think of to fix it, and I'm terrified.

Being with Chaos, huh.

Basically.

I don't want to hurt him.

How the heck would you hurt him?

I don't know. But I don't want to.

Geez, you're sounding just like him. Chaos, listen. You won't hurt him.

Chaos, I love you. You couldn't hurt me if you tried.

...

Wow, that was a shot to the heart if I've ever seen one.

It's true.

Jewel, I cannot take this.

Chaos, calm down. Jewel, we're apparently fluctuating wildly between full barriers and nothing at all. The heck is going on?

I'm trying to open up but it's difficult. What did Mel suggest?

Sheesh, I don't know, there were a couple things... uh... suggest what? What are you asking for?

Laurie I am at a standstill. One one hand, I am closing off so I don't collapse. On the other hand, I am burning up and I don't want any walls up at all. I'm starting to stabilize but it is really weird because I am exhausted no matter what. So... what do you think.

What do you want?

I... I want to be with him is all, I guess. I'm trying not to focus on that but every little thing is just pushing me over the edge and God help me, I don't want to burn out but I can't go suppressing this anymore.

That's what I was afraid of, yeah... but Mel was afraid of the same thing you were. Burning out.

In the middle of it?

Essentially.

I wish I wasn't so freaking hard to handle. I really do.

Chaos, this is not your fault.

Yeah, Laurie, in a way it really is! All my life this empathy of mine has done nothing but cause me pain and grief. It made my childhood a nonstop battle between one extreme and another. And you all know what happened when I got pushed to the breaking point. I'm volatile as hell and Jewel picks up on every single iota of that, and THAT is why he is freaking out over tomorrow. Mel knows that just as well as you do. We all know it.

...

Chaos, this isn't your fault--

Jewel, did you hear a word of what I just said??

Yes. But that's not it.

Then what is?

...

Guys, let me post what Mel said about you. "Despite what he wants, he is completely unable to handle that type of connection until he can recover from the strain he's been under. He knows this, at least part of him does, but his selfless nature will not let him just go without trying, because he loves you so dearly. But part of him also knows that if he tries and breaks down, he'll end up hurting you, since you pick up on everything. He doesn't know how to proceed from here, so he's scared stiff."

Sounds like my fault to me.

I'm the one amplifying it. I'm the one who's so burnt-out exhausted he can't even split realities without forgetting where he is.

Jewel, Chaos, stop it. Just freakin' stop it. Stop with the martyr complexes and just give mea bloody second. The point is that yeah, Jewel is seriously exhausted and yeah, Chaos, you do feel things seriously strongly. But that's no reason to go throwing blame around!!

I think we both want this to happen more than anything but we're afraid it can't, so we're blaming ourselves for it...

And you're both responsible for that worry, I won't deny that, but it's not a bloody blameworthy thing. It's not. Jewel, you're terrified of not being able to carry this through because of how much you're already under. Right?

Yeah. I don't want to not be able to see or feel anything, or not be able to even hold a reality split.

Exactly. And Chaos, you're afraid that you'll make that worse.

I am making that worse.

Not your fault though. This isn't about blame. This is about all of us trying way too freaking hard.

So what do we do?

I don't know. Mel suggests you not try to force this to happen tomorrow, so no one burns out or freaks out or whatever. But both of you seem to be having a problem with that now.

I want to try anyway.

There's that hope again.

I don't care. Hope is hope and I'm not giving up on this.

Watch your attitude, and remember what I told you about altruism moderation?

Yeah, but this is important.

I didn't say it wasn't. But think of how much August 16th hurt.

...

Laurie, do not bring that up.

I'm bringing it up. I remember hearing about that. You both hit absolute emotional high points and I think you did manage to connect entirely, but at what cost? Jewel could barely hold himself together and Chaos, you freaking fell apart emotionally.

Can you really blame me?

I said this wasn't about blame, boy. The point is that you completely wore yourselves out, and that was on a relatively stressless day, from what I can gather. Now look at you both. Jewel just dealt with an entire semester of stress, plus freelance work and all that jazz, and the both of you are trying to raise a daughter up here now. That's not even mentioning everything concerning Julie and Natalie and that Tar business that's been going on! Life has been a bloody mess up here, you can't help but be burned the heck out at this point, and I don't care how badly you two need to be with each other right now, the point is that you can't expect this to play out like the 16th. You are both under a lot of stress, and burnout is a real threat at this point.

I'm still going to try.

For heaven's sakes-- Jewel, you're going to end up literally killing yourself.

I won't. I can't.

You can't promise me anything right now. Not with the condition you're in. Not with how freaked out you've been lately. You don't think I read that Blurty entry of yours from last night? Here, let me quote you: "If something as simple as looking into his eyes or holding him close is almost more than I can take, just imagine what a freaking soulmerge is going to do to me." I rest my case.

I still have to try, Laurie.

You're going to shatter.

I shattered back in January.

Yeah, and just the other day you were telling me you didn't want that to happen.

And you told me it should happen!

Not like this, for heavens sakes!! You were NOT like this back in January! The 16th was even before that bloody psych ward, and it wasn't until then that everything kicked into high gear! Chaos, talk some sense into him.

I can't.

Don't you dare do this to me too. All right, listen, what the heck do I need to do to get you to to calm the heck down? I am not letting tomorrow happen with both of you in this sorry a condition.

It's the catharsis block for me, Laurie, you know that.

Yeah, but you can't unblock the bloody thing if you're panicking this much.

I'm more worried about Chaos right now.

Well isn't this an interesting turn of events.

...

That ties into this, doesn't it. That just ties right into this.

Not in this way. That's not why I'm worried.

Really? Have you even considered that possibility? Maybe that's why you're so hellbent on being with him tomorrow. Maybe some part of you is so bloody shredded by the tar hacks that a connection is going to be the only blessed thing powerful enough to fix it. Maybe that's where this catharsis block is coming from, you think?

...

That's only giving us all the more reason to go through with this, Laurie.

I'm not focusing on that right now. I'm focusing on getting you two stabilized so that if you want to straight-up send each other to heaven tomorrow night then you can. At this point that is not going to happen. We need both of you to pull yourselves together more than anything right now, and I think that's as good a starting point as any.

How do we build off it though?

Simple. Melody kept telling me that you're at a breaking point and now that I think about it, we've only been focusing on the exhaustion point and not why you've been driving yourself to that point.

You just summarized that, with school and everything...

That's general exhaustion. I mean exhaustion on this specific level. Or no, not exhaustion, potential burnout. There are things you haven't discussed anywhere that have been eating at you. You remember yesterday? That detached slipup you had?

Oh no, don't tell me we're dealing with those again..

This was different, believe me, it was bloody different but it was still a problem. But Jewel, you were doing fine right up until that slipup happened. Then you slowly spiraled down into an emotional wreck and you know exactly what that resulted in you feeling like.

...That happens all the time after something like that. And it's always tied into him. He's the only thing in the world that can stabilize me after something like that happens.

Yeah, no kidding. So just how much of that pain have you been suppressing? How much of that abuse have you been ignoring? You freaking forgot that Julie ever scarred you at all, and I don't care what the details are that is still one heck of a fact by itself.

He forgot?

Yeah, he forgot. Totally bleeding forgot and forgave her. But those scars are still on his arms.

Not just my arms, I'm a mess.

No bloody kidding, just look at me.

...

All right, sorry, that was out of line.

No, it's... it's a good point. I just... what do I do to fix this?

You tell me. You said in your Blurty entry that tomorrow-- sorry, today-- felt like--

Not even today in general. I specifically meant the part when Chaos and I would be together. Whenever we could manage that, that is.

Yeah, that's what I figured. Anyway. You said that that felt like it would be some astronomically important event. You said, and I quote, that today feels like it "will somehow consummate every single moment of my past 21 years, bringing everything together and perfecting this odyssey of a lifetime for whatever comes next." Nice choice of words.

Very funny.

I'm serious. And then you went on to say that "it feels like it's going to do that perfecting thing to both of us. Like this is going to completely refine us or something." You see my point now?

No. You're not making much sense to me.

Because you're starting to close off too. You do that when you hurt this much. Open up your heart or I'm going to nudge you over to him and just watch what happens.

Don't, not now.

Aha, see, I know this tune already. Listen. All that hellish abuse Jewel has been suffering for most of his life has never really been 'purified,' to use his favorite word. He's tried to get over it, but the problem is that he's forgetting it's ever happened. He's forgiven it, sure, but it still hurts like hell, and for some reason he can't let go of the pain, not completely. You know why? Because he never really accepted it. He was so bloody terrified of it that he rejected it completely, even after we thought we fixed it. Come on, you remember the 29th!

I remember a lot more than the 29th.

No kidding. And that's my point. Jewel, you understand that entirely now, don't you?

I sure hope so. I've been forced into every facet of it at this point, and I'm tired of it. I want to just step out of that completely now, and live my life without it. I'm done.

There you go. And that's what today is about on that level. You said it's going to 'perfect' both of you along with Jewel's experiences up to this point? There you go. Whatever the hell you two accomplish, you'd better do it in total bleeding honesty because this really is that important.

We can't not do that honestly.

Actually, you can. Look at the both of you now. If you tried to connect right now, your fear and pain and all that would get in the way. Yeah, your love is totally honest, that's indisputable. But that wouldn't get through too clearly underneath all this nonsense, now would it.

She has a point, Chaos.

Yeah, and what do I do?

Why the hell are you closed off now? What the hell triggered this?

...I don't know. I was afraid I'd be making this worse. Now I'm not so sure.

Really?

Really. ...Emotional extremes are one thing. Context is another, I guess.

Hey Joe, whaddya know?

Ssh, don't bring that up.

Why the hell not? You two keep bringing it up otherwise. And that's some serious context.

No, she's right. Remember the conversation we had about that, Jewel? You're not Joe, and I'm no blue fairy, but if it wasn't for that you wouldn't have realized just what was beyond it.

In other words, today.

Yeah. Sorry if I'm being vague.

No worries. Keep going.

Well... Jewel, that made you realize the hope split thing, didn't it?

Yeah, I discussed that with Laurie on Sunday.

Exactly. You're Joe with different programming. Totally different kind of bot.

Same attitude though.

Ironically.

Still true.

But why'd you bring that up now?

Because that incident, wink nudge cough, is what I'm getting at in terms of the purification bit here. You said today feels important, I think that's what you're fixing.

We'd be taking June 29th and accomplishing that on the right level.

There you are. And Jewel, wasn't that your biggest regret about fixing that? "I have something brighter?" Well here's the brightest thing you can possibly accomplish. So accomplish it.

I don't get what brought us here though.

Hey, you're calmed down, aren't you?

Well... yeah, more than I was, definitely.

I was discussing the reason why you've been so exhausted, for a lot longer than you've realized. You've been fighting this war for a hell of a long time and you just want it to be over, but there are still minor battles going on.

So you're saying this will end it completely.

I sure as hell hope so. But you're the one who said it felt like today, or excuse me, what you accomplish today, will somehow act to tie everything from your life up to this point together.

I don't know how though. It just feels so significant.

Well, there's my theory as to why. You'd be ending that war for good.

Have I forgiven myself though?

Have you?

I see no reason why I shouldn't.

Then don't hold it back. Chaos?

What?

You never held any of that against him, did you?

Of course not!

Well Jewel, there's your motivation.

So forgiveness actually seems to be there. Self-forgiveness, that is. Now I just need to let go of the past. And maybe that will just happen naturally with this.

The forgiveness?

Yeah. As long as I stay conscious I won't lose that.

There's another thing. Staying present. You've been having trouble with that lately, haven't you?

Paradoxically. Only in keeping my thoughts quiet and regrets away. But I've been able to deal with tough situations better and Nat can tell you, I've been doing extremely well in fighting off even tar hacks, which are so simple. I may have spiraled into an emotional wreck last night, but Laurie, even you know that I somehow managed not to scar from that.

Because it was the last facet. You had to tie that aspect back in to keep you from slipping on all the other points.

You think so?

Sheesh, that's what you told me. I think it makes sense.

All right. Chaos, I am still worried about you. Please tell me you're okay.

...I think so. Mostly, I suppose. It's just been a long night.

No kidding. Got a long day ahead of you too.

I know.

You're not going to hurt me, and I don't care if you feel enough to set my heart on fire. That's what I am, Chaos, that blessed ache is worth living for and without it I'm not alive at all. So don't worry. Chaos and Catharsis fit together, remember? We're cosmically inseparable, that's what this is about. That's what it's always been about. Love despite all odds.

I can't forget 2003, you know.

No kidding, neither of us can.

But the details. Just how you came into my life like a hurricane. Jewel, you're always calling me the maelstrom but do you remember what you were like back then? I was lost, I was terrified. Then you showed up and... you were like Laurie to me, haha.

How so?

He completely turned my life around and refused to let me stay where I was. It was too painful to do that. But I would've stayed there anyway had it not been for him, because I couldn't see any hope until he showed up.

Well what do you know. Told you that's your secret virtue forever, kid.

Hey, the same goes for all of you, you know.

Perhaps, but don't blow it off. If we're all hope for each other, then God bless, let's keep being that. But don't you dare exclude yourself from it. 

She's right, as usual.

Heheh.

I... thank you, honestly, both of you. I guess it's instinctive for me to do that. But... you're right, it's not kind to you. It's just... I want to be that for you all, I want to be a source of light and hope, but admitting that feels so arrogant.

It's not. It's just like saying you love someone. It's honest, and it's from your heart, and it means the world to us. Telling me you want to be such a force of good in my life means more to me than you know. It shows how much you care, and Jay, I'm not used to that. You just... decided to dedicate your life to mine, completely, and I did the same. I want to be light and hope to you, too. That's not selfish, or proud. It's love.

And he's right, as usual.

That's high praise coming from you, Laurie.

You deserve it, for that.

You really do, Chaos, and thank you. I love you, honestly I do, so much. You too, Laurie, I love you.

The feeling is overwhelmingly mutual, kiddo. But seriously, you two, before this conversation turns into something else, can we close this thing up? It is really freaking late.

Yeah, good point. I guess we should. Did we settle everything? What was our main motivation for this conversation?

I wanted you to open back up, calm the heck down, and either decide to postpone today's connection until you were stable enough to handle it, or stabilize enough to go through with it anyway. Same to you, Chaos.

Sounds like we accomplished it, then.

Surprisingly.

No, I'm not surprised. You get Laurie on a topic and she will solve it, no matter what.

Good to know I have a reputation for this sort of thing. But really, Jewel, it's your call. Is there anything else you want to talk about before we close this up, or should I leave you two to your own devices?

Uh, I'm actually curious on what else Mel said. At least with relevance to this. I can read over the conversation logs tomorrow in any case.

I think we covered all of that. Mel was focusing on how much of a freaking mess you were earlier today.

Oh, that reminds me. Chaos, have you been talking to Genesis?

...Yes?

About what, this?

About... about my not knowing how to deal with this either. I've been worried about you, and how we were going to handle today, but I felt you were kind of pushing me away so I decided to talk to him about it. No offense, I just didn't want to hurt you.

It's okay. I was actually talking to Xenophon about the same things, as much as I could. And Laurie, of course.

Yeah, no kidding, I'm your go-to guy whenever stuff like this goes down.

And with good reason! So yeah, Chaos, that's actually why I jumped on FB earlier and... apparently inadvertently started this whole thing.

When was this?

When he responded to Mel's question of "how've you been" with "eh, I dunno, trying to be optimistic I guess." And then I knew he was holding back just like I was, and suddenly I couldn't deal with us both denying that side of our emotions and then this happened.

Thank God, right?

Yeah, seriously.

So... oh, shoot, I forgot about this.

What?

No, this is funny. Mel actually suggested that... heh, they just said "don't let them be alone when it happens, so you guys can stabilize them." You know, emotional burnout. And I had to very gently tell them that they did not know what the heck they were talking about.

Yeah, Laurie, you're enough of a stalker the way it is.

Ace fangirl for ace shenanigans.

Exactly.

Seriously Laurie, we used to lock those doors, how the heck did you get in?

You think I freakin' care about locks? No way. If I want in I'm getting in, deal with it.

You freaked him out a couple times, and I just could not stop laughing. It was great.

And now you two are just like "whatever man" and get on with it to the point where I have to get up and leave because geez, I can only take so much before you get me sobbing like a total moron.

You asked for it, love.

Heh, yeah, I know. But that's why I wanted you two to be able to... you know. For today to actually happen. Because whether or not Mel understood just what she was asking me to do, I have at least been there, and wow but if that isn't just brilliant.

Interesting choice of words.

Shut up, CZ, it's true. Hell, take it as a pun if you want. You two are amazing. January 16th was bad, July 8th was worse, July 30th was pushing it and October 12th was freaking off the charts.

Yeah, you were there on the 12th.

That's what I mean. I got close enough to actually feel one tiny bit of that-- one miniscule spark that you give off, Jewel-- and that was it. I took the bloody bandages off, and that was hard enough, but then you just looked at me and that was it. I nearly fell apart and I don't know how the hell either of you can dive straight into that and stay there, but you do, and so help me but today I didn't want to keep that from you if I could help it. I told Mel that if you didn't express that you'd sputter out. I don't want that happening, to either of you.

Wait, you did?

Yeah, I did. Like I said, they felt that postponing this was our only option. And yeah, it sure looked like it, but... I don't know, Jewel, I think your hope is rubbing off on me.

Is it?

Possibly. Point is I couldn't keep you from this even if I felt that was our only option too. I was terrified you'd hit the tipping point, negatively, and burn out... but really, I knew you were still going to try to get this right and no matter how ticked off I was at your backwards altruism I'll be damned if I didn't at least respect that.

What, my wanting to try?

Your hope. Your inexplicably unfailing hope. Hope and Love is what you got. I have Mind and Truth, which puts me at a pretty good position from which to orchestrate this whole business, to say the least. But you're the one who keeps walking when logic and statistics fail. And you're the reason I keep walking when that happens too. You've made me pretty bleeding sentimental, you know that?

Haha, I guess so.

No I'm dead serious. You've thawed me out. You made me want to get my life together, and so I did. Listen, kid, I love you, and I don't want to see you keeping yourself from expressing that in any way whatsoever. That's what I was fighting for tonight. You, and him. Both of you together, as you say it. Truth and Love work together pretty well too, you know.

They do.

Don't forget that Chaos has Life and Heart, in that respect.

I think that says a heck of a lot right on it's own.

I'm just that awesome.

You are, love. You really are.

All right, that's it, you two need to get some sleep so you won't be looking for it tomorrow. Today. Wow it is really freaking late.

This needed to happen, though.

So does tomorrow-- aw, heck with it, let's just close this up.

No, what were you saying?

I was saying that today needs to happen, and that's the single sentence that drove everything we did over the past several hours. You know it, Chaos knows it, I know it, even your daughter knows it. We might not know just what is going to result from this, but hell, it needs to happen, for one reason or another.

If the only reason was what I'm feeling right now I think that would be enough.

It would be. It really would be, and that's my point.

Jewel, don't act like you're the only person feeling that way right now.

You two aren't going to start this early, are you?

Hell no, Jewel can barely stay awake at this hour, and look what he's been doing all day.

Yeah, I'm a little tired to soulmerge right now.

We can practice though, wink nudge cough.

Oh you just had to say that. Fine, count me in, let's see what I can manage at two in the morning.

Hey, he's a bona fide canon character, he deserves better. He deserves you, Jewel.

Hahaha, don't even go there.

You were afraid, but not anymore, right?

Aaand you're still going there.

I think... you're afraid of letting go.

Dude that is my line, you get on the bed.

This is hilarious.

Are you afraid of seeing the stars, Chaos? I can show you how to reach them.

No kidding, if you hit me hard enough we're both going soul form and you know it.

You two are butchering the dialogue and I love it.

Well of course we are, he's an alien and I'm missing some parts, what do you know.

Got some accurate lines in there, though.

Is this your first time with something like me?

2005 parallels everywhere.

I know. Feels like it, doesn't it.

I'm afraid it will hurt.

Was that a confession or a confirmation?

Both.

But once you've fallen in love, you're in it for life.

And you'll never doubt the reality of this again.

Dude, July 7th was a milestone, I know.

Who's to say tonight can't equal that, hm?

Well, we'd have to put on rifle recoil instead of Frank Sinatra, but I'm all for it if you are.

Can I say something?

Sure.

This is the most perfect moodswitch I've ever seen you two pull off. Bravo.

Hey, it just led up to this, I didn't plan anything.

Good. That's how it should be.

Hey, Jewel?

Hm?

You're winding me up inside.

Am I now?

You have no idea.

Maybe I do.

Just get to the interspecies makeouts already, come on.

Laurie, I mean this as kindly as possible, but shut up.

Ahahahaha.

This is starting to parallel the 16th a little and honestly that's kind of exciting.

I'm running out of dialogue, love.

Make some up. Or don't talk at all, we don't need words tonight anyway.

Trying to remember what eternity feels like?

Exactly.

I think you two are getting a head start, holy swords.

I told you, this is practice.

Gotta make sure I'm working properly before I meet this blue fairy.

Dude, I'm right here.

Well what do you know.

You going to live up to what you said about me, J?

Why don't we find out, gorgeous.

That's it, I'm closing this up.

Haha, I knew we'd get to her soon enough.

You two are bloody ridiculous and for heaven's literal sake, I am still waiting on that postcard.

Take a picture, it'll last longer.

Define 'ridiculous,' Laurie.

Fine, I am enjoying this way too much and both of you need sleep.

That's what we're trying to get, actually.

No, no irony for you, that's it.

Hahaha.

Late night partner, don't bother sleeping, tell me all the secrets you're keeping...

Now there's a song I haven't heard in far too long.

Sing with me 'til the end of time, love.

I would, but I can feel eternity right now and time really doesn't matter so much anymore.

Do you two have any bleeding idea how long you've been at this?

Nope, no time here.

Today is a lemniscate, remember?

Come on, man. I'm serious, roll the credits, we're out of here.

She does have a point.

I guess. This is just awesome.

You're telling me!

What's awesome is the fact that we actually managed to accomplish something in this conversation, as spontaneous and frantic as it was.

And look how it ended.

Oh it's not over yet, believe me.

It's over as far as this session is concerned.

Can I say something though, in all seriousness?

Please do.

I did not expect to come to a working conclusion on this topic, not this soon.

I told you to stop expecting, things always work out better when you don't.

No, really. When we opened this session I was a total mess. It's honestly shocking how quickly I got out of it.

Well, you are more stable now in a general sense. We've all been through a lot this year, and something tells me that your heart is more than a little fed up with getting stuck in negative situations.

It sure is.

Can we make that another pun and apply it to me? Because I'm thankful we got out of that mess as quickly as we did too.

Sure, go right ahead.

Laurie is right, though. It is seriously late and I just realized how tired I am.

No, really?

Sorry, haha. I was a little distracted.

It's fine, no need to apologize. But, uh, you two were in the middle of something and I should really let you get back to that. Offline, that is.

You drive a hard bargain, Uberich.

Come on, man, you both know you can do a heck of a lot more when Jewel isn't trying to channel all this.

That's a very persuasive argument.

It's the truth and you two are cracking me up again.

Dare I say the word?

You say that word and I will kill you. Not at this hour.

Fine. Now we need a good closing line.

You two had a ton of those way back there, if you were paying attention.

Nope, too preoccupied with this guy here.

And vice versa.

We are never going to close this bloody thing up, are we.

Nah, I am tired. We'll continue this after the Christmas weekend, I guess. The next three days are going to be brilliant.

Like us.

Pun entirely intended.