compassion

[prismaticbleed]

I awoke this morning to find you in my arms.
Now he holds you the same.

I feel no pain, no envy... such things cannot exist for the sake of love.
I simply feel purposeless. An extra wheel; an accidental addition.
I am intruding upon something I relinquished a lifetime ago.
My chandelier has shattered; yours is picturesque.
My presence only forebodes a fate I swore I would never let you suffer.

So what do I do?

Encircled by orange light, you told me that you needed me,
that he needed me,
in spite of everything.
You held me the same way that he did,
that I did,
and I can't help but wonder
"what do you feel?"

I would love to reach out
to catch the smallest fragment of your dreams
to understand exactly what makes you
cry
laugh
smile
feel.

but I cannot.

Maybe I'm not supposed to.

I have no answers. I'm not even sure if I have any questions.
I have been drained of all but regret... all but an empty, contrite ache.

You may never remember that early morning compassion
but I am so sorry for the pain I have caused you.