071319 (!)
Jul. 13th, 2019 06:39 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
prismaticbleedIn church today, the System woke back up.
Last night, I dreamt about Chaos 0 and I getting married.
Today was a miserable day, full of sickness, but the eating disorder symptoms highlighted the root of the problem-- it's a dissociative forcing habit. It's because I "don't exist" when I'm eating. It's a sort of "death"; a suicide stand-in. I don't want to kill myself, and I don't want to die, but apparently part of my mind is terrified of living, and is taking a halfway step with this.
Last night, I dreamt about Chaos 0 and I getting married.
Today was a miserable day, full of sickness, but the eating disorder symptoms highlighted the root of the problem-- it's a dissociative forcing habit. It's because I "don't exist" when I'm eating. It's a sort of "death"; a suicide stand-in. I don't want to kill myself, and I don't want to die, but apparently part of my mind is terrified of living, and is taking a halfway step with this.
