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BODY IMAGE = SEE/ FEEL/ THINK/ BEHAVE (PERCEPUAL/ AFFECTIVE/ COGNITIVE/ BEHAVIORAL)
✳ POSITIVE = ACCEPT/ APPRECIATE/ RESPECT your body, EVEN IF "NOT SATISFIED" (seeing it as "PERFECT"); UNDERSTAND limitations & RECOGNIZE strengths; VALUE body as a WHOLE; REALISTIC (GRATEFUL)
(SHAPE/SIZE are MORALLY INNOCENT in themselves)
✳ DAILY ATTITUDES & PRACTICES (food/ exercise) as a HEALTHY RESPONSE to UNIQUE NEEDS, NOT "WEIGHT MANIPULATION/ JUDGEMENT"
✳ FIGHT "bad body image" = CELEBRATE it/ CHERISH it (SELF-CARE) = BEAUTY IT ALREADY HAS!! (Open your HEART & EYES TO SEE IT)
✳ RESPONDING to comments that "hurt" = "I know you meant it AS a compliment" = "I appreciate that, but "IT DIDN'T LAND THAT WAY"?" (EXPLAIN you STRUGGLE, but LISTEN)

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GENUINELY POSITIVE/ GRATEFUL "OFFERINGS OF LOVE" about "CHALLENGE/ FEAR" FOODS = "FIGHT HATE WITH LOVE, DARKNESS WITH LIGHT"
✳ STOP TALKING ABOUT them/ LABELING them NEGATIVELY! FREE THEM & SPEAK WITH GRATITUDE! REALIZE THE HOPE OF HEALING = MERCY & FORGIVENESS! Speak about them as "NEW FRIENDS"; DO NOT "BLOCK THEIR PATH TO BEING LOVED" BY USING NEGATIVE TERMS!!

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✳THINGS I "WANT" IN MY RECOVERED FUTURE =
(TAKE PRACTICAL STEPS TOWARDS ≥1 OF THEM EVERY DAY)
● A GIRLFRIEND
● TO WRITE A LEGIT BOOK OF POETRY
● TO FINISH/ PUBLISH at LEAST TWO LEAGUEWORLDS
● TO LEARN CELLO/ VIOLA
● TO COMPOSE & RECORD A MUSIC ALBUM
● ↑ GET ON SPOTIFY (EVEN YOUR OLD STUFF)
● DO THAT "SPECTRUM OF CHRIST" PAINTING SERIES
● GET BUFF, SON!!
● DRAW EVERY SINGLE MORALIMON
● FINALLY MAKE/ PUBLISH A LEAGUE WEBSITE
● FREEDOM to TRAVEL; GET A FOLDING BIKE/ BEFRIEND BUSES
● TO VISIT GIMMELWALD
● To get OFF disability & LIVE A FULL LIFE IN COMMUNITY
● To CONTRIBUTE to WOF or ANY APOLOGETIC EFFORT?
● TO MAKE MY FAMILY PROUD/ BRING THEM HONOR

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✳ GO BACK & TAKE THE PAIDIFONI BY THE HAND, & TELL THEM = "WE SURVIVED & MADE IT OUT!" BRING THEM OUT WITH YOU!! (US!!)
✳ THE "(PARENTAL) VOICE IN YOUR HEAD" HAS THE EMOTIONAL MATURITY OF WHEN IT SHOWED UP (THIS INCLUDES THE EATING DISORDER RESPONSE!!)

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I just realized something HUGE-- the act of "magazine scrapbooking" we've been doing in art therapy is DIRECTLY REROUTING THE "SCAVENGER" INSTINCT?? That "searching/ finding/ collecting" drive is being JOYFULLY FULFILLED in a CREATIVE WAY. And it's SO IMPORTANT because it INVOLVES MY HANDS AND BRAIN!! It's like how I'll mix tons of vegetables together JUST TO PICK THEM OUT ONE BY ONE & "ORGANIZE" THEM. I've NEVER found something to "REDIRECT" that "compulsive action" into UNTIL NOW.
✳ BUT!!! IT STILL "BURNS OUT" ONCE THE "NEED" IS INTUITIVELY SATISFIED-- and THEN you HAVE TO STOP & REST; NOT "BINGE" BY CONTINUING TO FORCE IT DESPITE "FULLNESS"! NOW YOU CAN "FEED" ANOTHER SOUL-HUNGER! ...AFTER YOU REST!!! Because YES, EVEN "SPIRITUAL EATING" NEEDS TO "TAKE A BREAK" OR THERE WILL BE BULIMIC CONSEQUENCES, EVEN SPIRITUALLY. FASTING AND FEASTING are NEEDED.

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✳ The question "WHAT IRRITATES YOU?" always gets the SAME DISTURBING, SHAMEFUL response: CRYING/ WHINING/ COMPLAINING/ APOLOGIZING/ COWARDICE. And this KEEPS BEING "TRIGGERED" IN TREATMENT, as the "TWIN" response to the "PROJECTION" response from yesterday. When people complain or whine about food, in such "petty, entitled, childish, stubborn, petulant, wimpy, chickenhearted, etc." ways, it makes me FURIOUS?? "I don't like the texture!" "I don't like the taste!" "It smells gross!" "It looks gross!" "I don't LIKE it!" "I don't WANT it!" TOUGH SHIT. MAN UP & DO THE WORK. FACE IT LIKE A MAN. THAT'S my response. "DON'T BE A BABY." "GROW UP." "GET OVER YOURSELF." "DO WHAT YOU'RE TOLD." etc. SOLDIER talk. NO LILYLIVERS TOLERATED. WE'RE AT WAR. WE HAVE OUR DUTY. You want to be mollycoddled & catered to? You want everything "SAFE" & "COMFY" & "PREDICTABLE" & "FUN"? You want to be in CONTROL, for everyone to conform to YOUR selfish & immature demeanor? GET REAL. MAN UP. SHUT UP & FACE IT. ...I cannot tolerate cowardice & weakness & whining in myself & I HATE how OFTEN I STILL act like it. Like how I kept complaining & even REBELLING against having to eat fried chicken today instead of fish tacos (because of the allergen risk). Which was DISOBEDIENT AND IDIOTIC, because guess what? GOD PLANNED THAT FOR YOU, AND YOU'RE FAILING TO SOLDIER UP & TRUST HIM. BUT eventually we DID, and LO & BEHOLD, those "ideal" fish tacos were NOT what we expected (SELFISH/ ENTITLED/ WHINY), & the fried chicken was DELICIOUS & FULL OF CARTILAGE & stuff that we DIDN'T EXPECT but GOD KNEW & that was HIS GIFT. So, DON'T WHINE. DON'T COMPLAIN. BE BRAVE & FACE THE CHALLENGES. Realize that EVERY SINGLE ONE SO FAR HAS BEEN A JOY. GOD PROVIDES. And THAT is ALSO why I hate HEARING people grumble & condemn the food here, labeling it as "gross" or REFUSING TO ACCEPT IT because "I DON'T LIKE IT!" BUT THEY'RE UNWILLING TO EVEN TRY TO CHANGE THAT. They STICK to that dislike & LEAVE it there like a tumor. IT'S UNGRATEFUL & CLOSED-MINDED & REBELLIOUS & it HURTS. THEY DON'T SEE IT AS GOD'S GOOD GIFT OF CREATION. THEY'RE BLINDED BY JUDGEMENT. ...I hope I'M not being too harsh here. They're NOT "bad" people. They're just... closed off, closed to wonder, unwilling to risk CHANGE for the sake of LEARNING TO LOVE. And they are therefore PERPETUATING "DARKNESS." It's hard to verbalize. But I "HATE" COWARDICE. There's NO TRUST there. NO COURAGE. NO HOPE. NO PROGRESS or HEALING or TRANSFORMATION!!

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BIBLE VERSES TO LOOK UP/ REMEMBER=
✳ SOUL FEEDING ON GOD'S WORD?? (FAT; NOT "THIN"!!)
✳ "Delight your soul with RICH FARE"; CHILD + MOTHER "SELF-GIFT" FOOD
✳ God's Word/ Heaven compared to FAT/ SWEET/ RICH "FEASTING" FOODS
✳ MILK, HONEY, SYRUP, WINE, OIL, CHOICE MEATS, BREAD, ETC.!

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"It's only relatable to us if we ALLOW it to be" (COMMUNION/ OPEN HEARTS; SHARE IN OTHERS' LIVES) (COLLECTIVE human experience PARTICIPATION = UNION in CHRIST)

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✳ Group asked us, "what is your STRONGEST thought distortion?" Like, if you could reveal ONLY ONE distortion SPECIFICALLY TO BE COMBATED & hopefully DEFEATED, what would you admit? The aching terrible desperate response is to plunge your hands DIRECTLY INTO THE TAR, GRAB IT BY THE GUTS, & with a WRENCH that takes ALL your strength & courage, FLING IT OUT INTO THE OPEN BATTLEFIELD. What I'm saying is, WHAT is OUR most DARK & AWFUL & POWERFUL & DEADLY "FALSE CORE BELIEF"?
✳ I just discussed that with one of the BHAs, & I not only managed to discern what I feel is the heaviest "curse" of a belief, BUT I ALSO REALIZED THAT ALL THE UGLIEST DISTORTIONS ARE ALMOST INSTANTLY CRUSHED WHEN CONFRONTED WITH THE TRUTH THAT WE'RE A SYSTEM!!! And WHY? BECAUSE WE LOVE ALL OF OURSELF. You ALL know how NIGHTMARISH the Archives can be to read. They're HEARTBREAKING & TERRIFYING & HUMILIATING & DEVASTATING & DISTURBING, but they're TRUE, and they're OUR LIFE NEVERTHELESS, all our struggle & war & HOPE, as we NEVER STOPPED FIGHTING FOR A BETTER TOMORROW, TOGETHER. And so they're ALSO BEAUTIFUL & INSPIRING & HONEST & INSIGHTFUL & COURAGEOUS & JOYFUL & REAL & FULL OF LOVE. And despite EVERYTHING, I can say that in the end, recognizing GOD'S PROVIDENCE in it ALL, I can say with almost insane gratitude, that I THANK GOD FOR ALL OF IT BECAUSE IT ALLOWED US TO EXIST. And the love, the absolute LOVE we have, is absolutely WORTH ALL THE SUFFERING WE ENDURED for its sake. THAT'S THE CROSS!! Like Father P told us, it's actually a STRANGE but GREAT GRACE to HAVE that heavy of a cross TO bear-- AS A CROSS. That means that WE ARE DYING TO THAT DARKNESS & SIN!! It's EVIDENT AS BROKENNESS, BUT NOW, BY "BECOMING" A CROSS THROUGH OUR REPENTANCE, IT CAN BE USED FOR GROWTH IN HUMILITY/ GRACE/ VIRTUE, by LEARNING AND TURNING FROM those fallen ways, an "GIVING US" THE HOPE OF NEW LIFE IN CHRIST THROUGH SHARING IN HIS DEATH (TO SIN, OUT OF LOVE FOR US) THAT "ENABLED" HIS RESURRECTION, AND ASCENSION-- He SANCTIFIED HUMANITY. He FORGED A PATH OUT OF HELL, and it's BY CARRYING OUR CROSSES (admitting our sins AS sins & humbly DOING PENANCE/ STAYING CONTRITE/ NOT JUSTIFYING OR DENYING our sins) AND FOLLOWING CHRIST IN FAITH & HOPE, to NEW LIFE, to LOVE & SALVATION.