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Up at 9, talking to Gen while I got the body ready for day
Still so freakin tired. Probably the EPB

Library stop to order round 1 of Ghibli DVD
Plan to grab Ponyo on the way home, I do miss dear Fujimoto

MORNING MOVIE DATE WITH GENESIS AW YESS
ALSO I PASSED AT THE TICKET CHECK????? LEGIT GENDER EUPHORIA I FORGOT HOW THIS FELT

we went to see puss in boots: the last wish. it was AMAZING.
impressed by how well they captured nuances of "mental health" aspects. first, the "daily life monotony" surrender to passive death, when you see no future and have lost your purpose and dignity. second, DEATH. his reality as an inescapable grinning lethal thing, that whistling always in your ears. the haunting of mortality. we feel that all the bloody time and this movie actually captured HOW horrifying it is to have such a feeling. third, the CHARACTER GROWTH. realizing your greatest wishes often spring from your greatest regrets, and how love and vulnerability both heal those wounds and give you what you always sought, often revealing that it was always there within reach all the time, you just were too blinded by pain or pride to see it. and fourth, the "NINE LIVES." especially in the crystal cave. HELLO HEADSPACE. honestly if you want a snapshot of what it is like to have d.i.d. THERE IT IS. honestly i was floored.
and the animation, oh man. it was so UNIQUE. at times i could see they didn't "polish up" clean lines or edges because they were going for an ARTISTIC effect, not a "hyperrealistic" one. more cartoony license to boost expressivity and nuance. "choppy frame" progression instead of smooth movement, to feel more like a comic book, or to emphasize "moments" of action particularly. playing with time and space. it was really, really cool.

sitting after movie watching credits roll and just... thinking about life and death.
glancing over at gen and seeing him sprawled in the seat like he does, those long legs and gilded horns, his eyes wide and starry in the dark, that lopsided grin i love. realizing how grateful i was that he is STILL in my life, even now, through all the messes and demi-deaths and identity shattering. he's still there, right there, my best buddy. and i loved him so much.
really gained a deeper appreciation of the simple value of life and family, even "found family," in light of this movie. never really thought about that sort of thing before. admittedly kind of proudly "dismissed" it as "silly" or "sentimental." not sure where that came from? it's not like me. but it was there. visible especially in the league-- as a kid, i had no conception of what a family WAS. when i wrote stories, the characters NEVER had families. everyone was a "born orphan" (seriously) or was otherwise estranged from any and all blood relatives and neighbors. and yet... the main characters bonded together, if only superficially. i didn't understand friendship either, really. gotta go back and look at all that, see what it says about our psyche. and yet. there was always love, small and close, to fight for and protect, to die for and glorify, to live for and treasure. sorry i'm rambling. just gave me a lot to think about.

left the theater and had crippling deja vu. the view of the lowering sun from the entrance steps was something we had not seen since our grandmother died last year. pulled the rug out from under us for a minute. but it was fitting.