A Prayer for Seeking God

 God, thank You for seeking ME first, by sending Your Son to save me from living death. Thank You for loving me even when I didn't want to love You. Thank You for devotedly pursuing a relationship with me, no matter how many times I ignored, spurned, or even rejected Your holy courtship. 

Jesus, my Lord and my God, You are everything to me. 

I want to seek You first each day, before my thoughts turn to anything else. I want to meet You the moment I wake up, and I want to keep You close all day. 

Please be a part of every decision, every thought, every word, and every action I have. 

My life is Yours.

God, I have faith that You are with me in hard times, and protect me at all times. 

My future is secure in You because I am Your child-- and a Father ALWAYS watches over their child, and does what is best for them, no matter what. 

So today, I give my life, and every day in it, over to You. 

Teach me to seek You first today-- like a kid who always gets their dad's advice & approval before making a choice-- so that I can embrace the abundant life that You alone offer me. 

In Jesus' name, Amen.

021023

 
Friday

Healing mass at sacred heart
Then went to QOTA for another one
Double anointing ftw. Need it with all the junk we're struggling with

Panicking over suit order. All family paranoia terror running through head. But God bless our obsessive streak because we said we were going today so we HAVE TO. No chickening out.
Went to Wegmans first to calm down; running & talking to Gen helps a lot. Grabbed fortunes & magnesium.

Went to suit place
Literally looked like a garage haha. Totally nondescript & out of the way. Bravely went in. Said quite a few prayers honestly, told God I've gotta be both accountable to my word AND responsible in getting this tux in time for the concert, so please protect & guide & help me.
The service dude did not seem too happy with our being AFAB and also apparently still thin?? He commented "what are you, a size zero?" which was weird to feel like an insult BECAUSE it felt antimasc. Bizarre but interesting. But yeah everything was too baggy on us haha. Still God bless him, he got us a jacket, shirt, & pants for-- wait for it-- $180. HOLY SHUPPETS. We couldn't find a jacket online for less than $200! So thank You God, SERIOUSLY

Went straight home after that, we were exhausted and it was getting late

Exercise! Finally getting back into the groove. Realizing it helps to split up reps if we're tired-- some now, some in five minutes, etc. We can do more in total that way too.

Breakfast for 2pm i think?

Mom called for like 45m when we started biking

Tried to watch astro boy. Had to stop after barely 15m, even fast forwarding through to watch bits up until the end. Couldn't stomach the poor animation, stereotypical plot & characters, bad dialogue, etc. Getting brainworms too.
Tried Kung Fu Panda, same problem. Disgusted with the silliness already. "Kids deserve better"

Had to purge brainworms by overriding with the best opposing aesthetic style we could think of offhand-- looking up Arcane gifs on Tumblr. Thank God it worked

Dinner late because of all this. 7pm.
Too much oat bran, now we know. Got slightly sick; minor purge. Xenophon kept us stable.
Ate an extra bag of broccoli with a tbsp of oats to recover

UNBELIEVABLY TIRED. Crashed on couch at 9pm, felt like we were anesthetized. Kept passing out until like 1030. Then somehow dragged self to bed; no memory of that but we did

Asleep for 1130pm