like a supernova

(wip. publicized for relevancy)


LAST NIGHT WAS AMAZING.
take notes from the audio file, PLEASE.

mel didn't want to be out of the loop concerning what had happened saturday night, and what Q and i had discussed concerning it on monday night.
at one point mel went into a sort of meditative state, which caught us both off guard, we didn't know what they were doing.
then suddenly mel said chaos and laurie were BOTH trying to get through via channeling (they were bickering as usual, unable to decide who should talk), and mel had no idea what was going to happen as a result.
mel's speech became somewhat odd as they continued, then they suddenly 'slouched over' and said nothing for two minutes.
the next time they spoke, it wasn't mel that i was hearing.
it was laurie.

(laurie was overwhelmed at 'sharing a space' with two water empaths; there was a ton of sensory input apparently.)


There's so much love for you up here, kid.

...Laurie doesn't discuss her personal feelings aloud, but I've become somewhat adept at picking out little cracks in the wall, through the little things she does or doesn't do or say.
When she spoke that sentence, quietly and honestly, I nearly cried.

(I asked her to "help me out." she said she'd try, then her presence began to stutter, so to speak... she slumped back against the wall with a swear, and then for at least three minutes she was silent.
there were no words for at least ten minutes after she sat up again, but i know chaos' energy when i feel it)

 

 

 

august 28th.

notes directly from my recording from last night's channeling session.

Mel is yellow, Q is blue, I am red, Laurie is violet, and Chaos is aqua.


they are bickering! oh my gosh!
*laughing* they do that a lot. they are bickering. i am not surprised.
i realized this, but...
i can hear them! i'm like, "okay guys, only one of you can come out," but they're just like, "but not me!" ...if laurie comes out, whatever comes out of my mouth...
i will not you accountable for it, don't worry.
okay.
Q?
what?
will you not hold that against me either?
okay.
because laurie.
*laughing* yeah.
right. ...oh my gosh. i don't know what's gonna happen, or if anything is gonna happen, cause...
*laughing* guys, make up your minds, please!
that was... oh man. i don't know what just happened, but that was a trip.
what?
it was like... cohabitating the same space, as two different people?
yeah. that's what i said, they're not...
no, they weren't trying to composite, they were cohabitating.
oh, that can't be good. gosh.
you're staring.
hm?
it's harder when you're staring at me.
i'm not staring?
not with your eyes, no.
oh. *laughing* sorry.
but the quiet is oddly nice. ...i really don't know how to talk alone.
hm?
we don't know how to talk by ourselves.
(unintelligible)
muscle memory.
that's why composites happen. it's funny how moving a body is easier than manipulating voice patterns. You know, this doesn't feel weird either. (?) it's always too (difficult) (unintelligible)
*long silence from 3:15 to 5:15*
(unintelligible)
...Like you and him, but different. So much water... and you thought you were drowning. Geez, kid, if you can't feel that... I'm past doubt and ignorance. That's why I'm talking, I guess. It's not my voice though. I guess it doesn't matter. So much sensory input. ...You gettin' this, kid?
Mm-hmm.
You sure?
Yeah.
(unintelligible) (7:00) even... now
It is. No, there's definitely stuff getting through.
There'd better.
Yeah, I wouldn't lie to you. And if I did, uh... you'd take care of it. *laughing*
Yeah. Don't know how you still try and lie to them sometimes now. I mean, you can lie to me, but if you try with them, it just doesn't work.
Yeah... heh. Kind of why you always, uh, drag people into rooms in situations, huh?
Yeah. Well I was trying to kick him out. (unintelligible)
Twice in a week, huh?
Yeah, something like that. ...It's really only been a week?
Time- yeah, it's, um, it's gone by really, really--
Shit.
*laughing* My thoughts exactly.
You were a lot easier than this... but then again, there weren't three of us in here at the same time.
Yeah.
You were just, kinda gone.
Your fault, dear. *laughing*
Well I couldn't get through if you were there!
I know, I know.
Chickens have nothing on this.
Mind if I ask what's going on up there?
If there's a way... for both of them to be formless...
Mm-hm.
Then whatever's closest to that, is going on. And I'm driving. Great.
*laughing*
You got something to say?
Me?
No.
*laughing* See, usually it's, you're the one talking when we have conversations.
Right, but this is hard. Really freakin' hard.
I understand, believe me.
Not quite. Don't think you've ever dealt with something like this. (?)
You have a point.
No, but really, you got something to say?
Not really.
You sure about that?
*laughing*
If you'd rather I could be physically non-present...
That's not what I was asking. You got something to s-say, you spill it.
I'm good.
*implied eyebrow raise*
*laughing*
I don't know how to share this, but I'll sure as heck try. Later. Not right now.
*laughing*
...It's not the same. Oh man.
What isn't?
You and him, and... her and him... they're not the same, but, man. Empaths. Like a freaking supernova. No... not even that... there's not a form (unintelligible)... it's like, the universe, but made of water, in the middle of a black hole. And maybe that would get close to starting to scratch the surface.
Hm.
There's so much love for you up here, kid. You can't ever forget that. ...And finally, down here is starting to kind of mirror what's up here, you know?
Yeah. I think that's the reason why I was closed off for so long, because, uh... I really don't know why that came about, to be honest.
Which part?
Me blocking everyone out, not being home...
Well, you don't have a home to be at, except up here, you know?
Yeah.
And you have one down here, but you don't know how to take the walls down.
Mm.
But you've got to.
I know. I know. And I'm working on it, I promise.
You can't (???) together if you don't.
Well, this is probably something you've heard way too many times before, but... help me out?
I'll try, kid.
I know.
(unintelligible)
*long silence from 13:50 to 15:40* 23:00?*
...Dude, you've rendered me speechless. I think that's quite a feat.
(???) (25:00)
I hope I'm getting through... I feel like I still have walls up.
(???) (if you only knew how on fire we are)
I know...
(???) (i remember he apologized for not being able to stay before leaving)




I apologize for the broken dialogue at some parts; the recorder didn't pick up everything. Chaos and I didn't talk much and when we did we were very quiet (plus we were literally forehead to forehead), so I apologize for that lack of written dialogue as well.
my heart remembers how it felt, though, and I know it will forever. that's what matters.