Self-intro topic notes

for speech class!

 

(childhood focus)

 

CULTURE
N/A. Not much to affect me, either ignored/ unaffected by the rest

ENVIRONMENT
I lived in the woods with no neighbors or nearby places to go, so I was very solitary, highly adventurous, and strongly imaginative. I would explore the woods by myself like I was some great discoverer, and in a way I think that helped reserve more of my childlike qualities because that went on until I was about 15 with no criticim or interruptions at all. I reveled in it.
I also had no "friends" save for 2 or 3 casual acquaintances at school. I was the "weird artist kid" and perpetually sat alone, but with my creativity I strongly preferred it! I would secretly celebrate when my "friends" were absent because then I knew I wouldn't be bothered. That solitude made me fiercely independent inside, in that I gained a solid ground for later self-assessment and wasn't molded too much by others.

PERSON
My brothers and father did have impact. For whatever reason I always wanted to be like my dad; I viewed him as this great success story, so to speak. I wanted to learn his craft desperately, and still do to a surprising extent. My brothers shared in my imaginative pursuits and although I will regrettably admit that I "used them" for this purpose many times, I loved them dearly, and without their different views and opinions I wouldn't have made as much progress in my creative works, esp. music and Dream World. Also my dad introduced me to my favorite bands so I owe him a lot there. I also respect my mom and grandparents but they feel distant to me in memory.
Outside of family, CL, HB, and AAA all moved me greatly. CL was like my little sister and I adored her, even though I only knew her for about a year. I remember the one class trip to the zoo; I was so overprotective of her it's almost funny to look back on it. However I was too selfish at the time, which really limited the sincerity of our friendship, and that didn't hit me until she left, which hurt terribly. I think she still motivates my guardian side. HB was an angel. She was this bright bubble thing I couldn't quite reach, but I remember the one time she smiled at me over my keyboard when I forgot to plug my headphones in, and I remember hearing her sing. For whatever reason she inspired me tremendously; she actually cared for me, if only a little, outcast that I was. At that time in my life, she was a walking miracle for that reason: the immensely grateful shock of realizing that she was willing to consider me a friend, even of only for the duration of that summer camp, never really wore off. As for AAA, I loved her, in a unique way. I still do, honestly. She was my hero, my shining star, and she motivated almost everything I did. I didn't know how to show it back then, and my attempts all backfired spectacularly, but I don't regret trying. To this day she remains one of my biggest sources of inspiration.

EXPERIENCE
Preludove. I met her in a dream and my life changed forever.
Also I don't know if I want to bring up the whole asexual/ transgender topic, but that was very important in how I lived/ presented even as a kid, albeit far more unconsciously as I wasn't aware that was even a "thing" (sexuality was completely foreign to me until the dreaded dawn of teenage health class).

ACTIVITY
Dream World, if anything. For years upon years it WAS my life, quite literally. Every tiny thing I did could be traced back to find its roots in that story. It consumed my every waking thought.
Then I met Chaos 0 and things changed a little.

 

(adulthood focus)

 

CULTURE
Define this word? My inner world got so strong that after 2002, my inner reality started influencing how I viewed the outer world, which was often dangerous as I could NOT tell there was any difference between the two (which was strikingly obvious around 2003-2004, and caused me quite a bit of trouble in school and at home). I was too naive and trusting, but for me that was "normal." Dream World once again has the biggest influence here.

ENVIRONMENT
Once again, high school and college left me nearly ostracized, but I didn't care because I had Genesis and the internet! So my creativity still bloomed but outside influences did start to badly taint it. I lost several years of work because of it, hence my horrific backlog in writing Dream World right now. Anyway even today I feel no need to strike up conversations or approach others as I am happier alone.
On the other hand my headspace is incredibly rich so people would often be shocked at my knowledge and inherent 'being' when I did express it outside. This was a shock to me as I thought everyone self-analyzed, haha. It was scary when I began to realize the truth. But inside I was safe and grew without outside restraint directly, so that was a huge environmental help for me. I always had a place to go to.

PERSON
Bakura, Marik, and Chaos 0 stepped in and changed my life forever, no kidding. Genesis also did this to an absolutely staggering extent when I met him, due to having to take an inner "year off" of everything to introduce him to this world. Laurie showed up in 2006 but she didn't become irreplaceable for about a year, and the she proved to be one of the most important people in my life.
Q, Jim, and Ben all showed up in late 2007, and they gave me real outside friendship for the first time in my life. I overcompensated at first and made some big mistakes as I had no clue how to handle relationships like that, but they stood by me even through that fiasco and I can never thank them enough for their patience. They were also stellar creative inspirations; I drew more after I met them than I had in years.
I found DP in 2008 and JMC in 2009, and they both moved me so strongly even if we never met. Then Xenophon was born in 2011 and already my life is changed permanently.
Once again the biggest emphasis goes to Chaos 0, Laurie, and Genesis. Together we are really something amazing.

EXPERIENCE
One word = multiplicity! And EVERYTHING hinged on that, the good and bad times alike. It all centered upstairs. Of course the time stretch to 2008-2012 has been the most important 4 years of my life, because I went hardcore with my soul-searching and I learned so much: who I really was, who I had pretended to be, how to solve ALL of my old troubles and traumas, even the ones I swore were unsolvable... I still have memories of staying up until 3AM in the kitchen, writing in Insanejournal, and feeling utterly torn apart inside; that part of my life seems like a whole other reality now. Looking back, I have come so far it's almost incomprehensible. I can only imagine what lies ahead.
If anything has "defined" me as a person, it's been these past 4 years, with all of us working together, with all of the blood and tears and bones and glory and love.

ACTIVITY
Still Dream World and all my other Linkworlds to a certain extent, but only because of the truth they carry. There is no way I can ever keep them quiet, or to myself. They don't 'define' me as a person BUT their range of influence on my life can never be ignored or understated. They are vital and irreplaceable and I think even I don't fully realize how important they are. I love them, and truly, my downstairs life goal IS to share them with the world, whatever it takes. I've had that purpose given to me emphatically over and over again. I WILL do it!! ♥