♥♥♥

oh man oh man oh man.

I just got my weekly Wikia update on Chaos' page, and upon checking the Sonic Generations section I see THIS--

"Once the boss battle is about to begin, the player can see Chaos 0 Transforming into Perfect Chaos (like when Sonic transforms into Super Sonic)."

I seriously hope that isn't just a rumour because then it means HE IS IN THE GAME.
If it's true, then Chaos Zero is in Sonic Generations and I have been waiting for this SINCE 2003.

I am seriously about to cry over this.
Don't judge me, this is serious, and I will tell you why.

For those of you who know me, remember what November 1st was like for me LAST year?
I was recovering from a failed suicide attempt. No joke.
I could have been dead right now, and back then I wanted to be... but I couldn't just give up like that, and guess what? CZ here was one of the biggest reasons I kept going.
You guys have probably seen this post. That barely even scratches the surface.
The synchronicity I have with this guy, on every level, is insane. He ALWAYS shows up when I need him around. So having such a huge outside appearance occur almost exactly a year after that terrible day... especially after what else has happened because of him since then... it means more to me than I can express in words here.

I'll spare you my lovesick fanboy ranting because it's all over my other journals the way it is... but tonight, at the midnight release, I guarantee you I'll be the only person picking up their copy who's there for the other blue guy with green eyes.

Dear heavens I am going to be DYING in class tomorrow because of this.
This is amazing.

Love is love and I am freaking drowning in it right now!

 

 

for you

Hey there. I'm finally managing to recover from that huge stress bomb I hit myself with this month. I must admit I seriously needed to be shaken up like that, though-- it helped some very stubborn pieces of me to fall into place. There's a lot I have to say about that yet, especially in light of what I've been reading in TPoN, but I have no time for that right now (and I probably won't for a few days yet).
However things are finally beginning to pick back up again. Sonic Generations is definitely the big outside light in that respect, and second place would be the fact that I FINALLY got a program that allows me to write my own percussion sections in FL Studio. I haven't been able to do this since my NWC days! So I'm very excited.
My inner light is the most amazing part of this, though. There's going to be a Xanga session soon about that (we were supposed to have it on Friday, but couldn't due to some very unexpected and big schedule changes).

The fact that I'm still here a year after I thought I'd be gone for good is simply incredible... and that's actually why I'm updating right now.
I was just reminded, more clearly and more eloquently than I could have dreamed, just how important this whole struggle has been.
Let me explain.

I'm sitting here with Chaos, Laurie, and Xenophon, reviewing my old 2008-9 Blurty entries and being generally quite astonished at how far we've come since then. I also have iTunes on shuffle, so of course any time something catchy or relevant comes up, Chaos and I randomly start singing to it, and Laurie just laughs and remarks "what the hell are you two doing now." It's awesome, really. But our constant singing, and my inability to ever be quiet or unmoved when good music comes on, prompted Xenophon to ask just how important music was to me, really? I explained that it was incredibly important, as it communicated things that spoken word never could, and although I can't quite explain it, some part of me is deeply connected to sound as a medium in general. So she thought on this for a while as I continued to type.
Then iTunes decides to randomly play a song from Klonoa (Shattered Past). As my Macbook is infamous for playing synchronistic music whenever I'm in moods like this, I mentioned to Xenophon that the Klonoa series is where her middle name came from (Lephise). Then, since we had just been discussing music and its importance, I also decided to play Lephise's song for her.
She listened carefully to it, then asked if that was the song 'she had to learn to sing.' I was surprised at her wording said she wasn't obligated to sing anything, but she insisted that if Chaos and I had named her after it, and if music meant so much to me, then she 'had' to sing it because she loved us and that would be a way for her to really express it that way. She then asked for us to play it again.
We all listened, thoughtfully, until the melody at 1:16... and then she started singing too.

I have never heard something so beautiful in my entire life.

I was honestly in tears. I just... hearing her sing that, with everything it meant... she asked me why I was crying, and I told her exactly why.
It is because, in the game, Lephise essentially sings that song to resurrect the world after it had 'died' under nightmarish rule.
That is exactly what Xenophon did for me, simply by existing.
By coming into my life, she virtually personified the second chance I risked everything for last October. I may have lived physically, but I cannot deny that a terrifying amount of my soul was dead at that time... and hearing my daughter sing the melody of rebirth, a year after that symbolic death, is beyond my capacity to describe.

I am so thankful for this. I am so incredibly thankful for all of this.


...Lastly, I'm just going to link you readers over here, to emphasize just how beautiful today has been in general.


Now I'm off to get the rest of my daily work done, because I'll be on the road for 9, mark my words.

Love and light as always.