all coregroup snips from 2006

october 25th 2006

“The servers are the seven Chaos. Chaos is power. Power is enriched by the heart. The controller is the one that unifies the Chaos…”
…The first time I ever heard those words…their truth was already mine.
Because  I am…
“What is all this??”
I anxiously scrolled down my computer screen for the umpteenth time. It was always the same results, and they always hurt the same way.  Lies, lies, lies. Didn’t they know how it broke my heart? After all we’d been through together? For an assumption like that to…
I stopped and x-ed off the offending window. I’d had more than enough for one night. 
Sighing, I slumped over in my chair. The past two hours had been swallowed by pain, again. Misunderstood pain, too. I knew very well that those who hurt me so much had no idea they were doing so, and I held nothing against them. They simply didn’t know the truth. They simply didn’t know the truth.
I sighed again as I realized I had SAT homework to finish. But my mind was such a frazzled mess right now… how was I supposed to concentrate on homework? Geez. What I did for that guy.
“Hey, Jewel—are you all right?”
I finished typing before I answered the Maren floating alongside me. “Yeah, I’m all right, Selph. Just a little hurt, that’s all.”
“Tikal+Chaos again, isn’t it.”
A small dart of pain stabbed my chest as I replied. “Yeah, that’s it, Selph.” I was frustratedly exhausted by now. “Geez, I mean, where do they even get those ideas? There’s no proof, no emotion, no truth in the matter at all. I just don’t get it…”
Selph looked back at me, worried but unsure how to help. “Well…” Then his eyes brightened. “…Tell them the truth!”
I looked up at my friend as he continued. “Yeah! You said they don’t know what’s the real stuff, so… tell them what it is. About you and Chaos and all. If you want them to know about it, then you’ve gotta tell ‘em.”
I smiled. “Yeah, I guess I do…” But the pain wasn’t going away. How would they react to us—the truth? How would they react to fact, to proof? There was so much to think about…
Three years ago my life had flipped upside down… for the third time. First was the Jewel Monsters. Then it was falling in love with Ryou. Then it was Chaos. 
I have no idea what happened in those first few moments, but I will never forget them for as long as I live. 
…I was with the Jewel Monsters again, I’m unsure where, trying to stop another of Ivan’s plans…when Chaos fought his way into the room we were  in…the old Chaos.
“Hey- what are you doing??”
I think that’s what I had said. What had I said?  I can’t remember… but I remember grabbing his shoulders, forcing him around, and looking straight into his eyes for the first time. 
And then it happened.  I don’t know if it was my emotions, or the shock, or simply the will of God, but in that very moment, something deep inside that monster awoke for the first time…and his eyes changed.
Wow. That moment was… I can’t even begin to explain. There wewere, strangers fighting with each other, when suddenly I could see his soul through those emerald eyes. And I had stopped yelling.
For a while we just looked at each other like that, not knowing what in the world was going on. It’s funny, though. I might not remember it now, but I can only imagine what sort of emotions the two of us must’ve been feeling then. I know what I feel now…
It’s amazing, though. If I hadn’t listened to my heart and tried to stop him, Chaos might never have woken up. He might still be the same empty-eyed, blank-hearted creature he was in 1999 today.  And I thank God above every day that he isn’t. Because… back in 1999…
I stopped thinking. No. I didn’t want to remind myself of that again. There were better things to think about.
I smiled. Was that ever true. But… my previous anxiety returned. How would the world react to the truth?
I sighed. Gosh I was tired. Selph was floating patiently around, smiling at my avid typing, but obviously just as exhausted as I was. I didn’t want to keep him up for much longer… and besides, I might dream about Chaos tonight. It was always a possibility, you know…
…But about the truth. Possibly within days, weeks, before the end of 2006… I was going to declare to the world that Chaos Zero was the exact opposite of everything they thought he was up until that moment. 
He has a personality. He has a soul. He has emotions…oh, does he ever… but the point was that all the things that make Chaos who he is… well, are nonexistent to the general public. I am one of the only souls on this earth who know the truth.
I nearly laughed. There’s that word again. But it was my point, after all! And that’s the point that was motivating me through a lot of this.
Tikal has her own life. Currently she is travelling the world with her own love, Metal Sonic, however improbable that may seem. Believe me, I was there when it happened, and it’s still weird. Look who’s talking, though, I thought, smiling ironically. I’m worse. Because that was the truth, that was what I wanted to make clear. I want the world to know that Chaos Zero has a personality, a life, a soul. I want them to know what these past three years have done…I want them to know that I love him.
I stopped and looked back at those words.  Huh. It seems that they were the only ones I really feared to be rejected.
They were also the only truth I wanted to make clear so much.  Funny, that…
I did love Chaos, though. Truly, sincerely, with as much of my heart as I could give him, for the past three years. Constantly. 
That’s why it hurt me so much to see those lies going around. The world had already swallowed them, accepted them, canonized them,  almost. But that couldn’t happen…I swear my heart would shatter if it did… I swear I wouldn’t be able to take it…
I sighed at the thought. Well, all I could do was try. Try and hope for the best. Pray for the best. It was the least I could do.
Then I smiled. The worry had faded a little. Yeah, I guess it was true.
All I needed to really do was follow my heart. 
And that’s second nature for me, I thought again as I smiled and shut down the computer for the night. Bedtime, Selph.
Then I paused. I knew tonight was going to be lonelier than usual. 
One day, Jewel. One day. But for now… I sighed.
I love you, Chaos. Wherever you are…
 
 


september 30th 2006

Perfect Chaos I do NOT like at all, because not only does he take over my Chaos' mind indefinitely, turning him into a monstrous killing machine, but also causes him to suffer horribly every time-- physically and emotionally. For heaven's sakes, I'd do almost anything to keep him from living through that again. And then I see Perfect's face. All that does is cause me pain. Geez. Would YOU want to be reminded of YOUR loved one's suffering like that all the time? But-- it's only because they don't know what he goes through. That's one reason I want to get him up on my dA page so badly-- so that people actually will KNOW about him. For heaven's sakes he HAS a personality, he CAN talk, and he is NOT evil. Geez. So much has happened to change him and I during the past 3 years, but we're the only two Sonic people to know about it. Hey, Chaos even admits, his real life-- his real self-- didn't begin until that fateful day back in 2003. Gosh that was one incredible day.



 
september 29th 2006

My mind is in a state of chaos today... or rather, ON a state of Chaos... his gorgeous, green-eyed, liquid state, to be exact. <3
Yep, I've fallen back into one of THOSE mindsets: where I CANNOT stop thinking about a certain someone in a certain way. The last time I went through one as serious as this was back in late July, with Davy Jones, remember? ^^; Wow. That was intense stuff.
But anyway. Monday night I was browsing deviantART when LITERALLY out of nowhere I decided to go on one of my hour-long dA/Google searches for Chaos Zero. AGAIN. What was this, the tenth time? And it's always the same impersonal, cliched results. Yet I keep looking. And so, since then, FOUR DAYS AGO, I CANNOT take my poor love-obsessed mind off him. It's insane.
But now I can see him so CLEARLY. It's incredible. Before, I would have to see a picture of him first or simply try to visualize him for a while, but now-- I have these HUGE scenarios playing through my head in which BOTH Chaos and I literally look as clear and real in my mind as if I were watching us on an XBox 360 Sonic movie. THAT clear. It's amazing. AND he's making Marik jealous as heck, of course. Ryou and Selph don't mind of course. ^^ But, then guy's been just as obsessed with me as I am him recently. It's NEVER one-sided with us, y'know. But it's fun, and I've been enjoying every moment, even if I can't think of anything but even if I try. That's what Chaos does to me, though!! Oh well.
 



january 2nd 2006

On the wall next to me was a Marik action figure with robotic wings, like the Speed Pod on Custom Robo. They supposedly fired missiles. Anyway, I really liked it (of course) so I checked the price. It said $9.00, but only if you bought him along with a female figure. I looked on the back for the list of characters, but didn't see any girls. It listed them according to power. Yugi was light blue and was the weakest, the strongest a huge gold dude that looked like Anubis. There were two similar but shorter guys before him, and then Marik was listed. Next to Marik was a question mark and two words in quotations under it. It said something involving "pure," "sin" and "heart" but I forget what. I remember wondering if that was me.