080717

[prismaticbleed]

Jess & eros= giving food, NOT hungry, just enjoying? CAN say no out of appreciative respect

"We’re back" and prof. screweye= FEAR

LYNNE FRONTING AND LAURIE GHOSTING
"sisbumps"
mutual "I love you"s in the sweetest possible way

Genesis leaning his head on my shoulder in the pharmacy
"don't leave" "I never will"

MIRROR GUY

doc office, JAYCE'S TWIN???
also steth girl. DAMAGED.

thinking about "color base hues" and "physical triggers/tells"
BLACK/ WHITE/ GOLD especially.

thinking about bus tickets.
thinking about infi.
thinking about how I already have the cash set aside.
thinking about how desperately we need a tangible reminder of that reality of love, even if its only for like 24 hours.

planning hardcore for the future.

therapy coming up on wednesday. already got a whole list of daily-life stuff we need to discuss with her. gotta get out of this house AND be able to be totally self-sufficient. never learned anything from the family as far as the "real world" goes, as they called it.

-------------------------------------------------------

(05:55 am)

"…i hate that you always have so much amazing stuff to say and i am always just like "yup!" but god it's good. my verbose lover."

"…i cannot be in anything but a meditative serene state when my ears are full of nothing but the sound of my lover's heartbeat."

You keep using those words.
About both of us.
Our heart is still… faltering. Fluttering. Glittering, as our phone cleverly corrected.
This is so entirely new and unexpected and incredible.

You love us. US. completely.

...

talking about chaos zero to me.

ollie kissed chaos with THIS MOUTH and if anything could make this body sacred, it's THAT.

And now I'm sitting here listening to "In This Shirt" by the Irrepressibles and I can't even speak because I have no idea what to do with this feeling.
Remembering that I am Jay Iridos. Remembering that I EXIST outside of this household. Remembering that someone loves me and has loved me even before I ever considered that could happen outside of headspace, ever.

I have so much to type and upload from UPMC. I was going to do that today, but… that can wait. we have time. time before plans. time before sleep. enough time. it can wait.
this can't.

but right now everything feels so strongly I am actually tearing up from it and this is when I feel it. this is when I feel it all.
how much I love everyone.