110923

[prismaticbleed]

 

Car morning so we HAD to get groceries because the freezer was actually 2 days short of being EMPTY.

Lateran Basilica feast day! Fr Jackson homily HIT = external beauty of churches means NOTHING without His Presence in the Tabernacle! Closing words applied this gravity to US!!!
We are "not just another building"; as long as we have Christ within us, we are HOLY-- we are "SET APART"

Combating unbelieving & blasphemous intrusive thoughts, accusing God of evil behavior, with the staggeringly worldchanging consideration: "imagine God acting like Laurie."
COMPLETELY REWIRED MY BRAIN AND HEART, SERIOUSLY
But really dude, if SHE can love me THAT MUCH, then why the heck wouldn't God?
Really dude WRITE A WHOLE ENTRY ABOUT THIS

Genesis keeping me car/shop company UNTIL social mode kicked in hard, and we "blackout depersonalized" to where Laurie had to be shouting directions at us in order to do even basic functions

I didn't addict-buy the lentils so Spice kissed me
Laurie asked if she should make a similar bet, but I said no not now I'm already having trouble thinking straight

Jade car shift, with them informing us of recent events
...In light of last night's discussion with Fr. Petro, it was pitiable? I was so sadly aware of how distorted & lost their thoughts were.
...

"Hunger irritability" really tough to manage, with the accompanying inability to focus or form a coherent thought

We made the stupid mistake of trying to sharpen our brand-new ceramic knife-- and now it cuts just as well as a spoon, haha. Ah well. We chucked it in the bin and we'll have to get a new one on Sunday, since the original red-colored knives we bought evidently don't sharpen because of the color, and the bottom line is that right now everything is mangling the eggs.

Schedule overwhelm and disturbance both pushed us to do 30m of BIKING PRAYERS before we ate, despite the fasting symptoms. We were praying for survival haha. But it actually WORKED OUT PERFECTLY, thank You God!!!

20 HOUR FAST man we have SUCH A HEADACHE
Update: it is PHENOMENAL how much difference just a cup of carrots makes, haha. Its like our brain got new batteries


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VOTD = Hebrews 4:16.
Jesus, as a high priest, is our INTERCESSOR! "He bridges the gap between us and God" FOREVER.
First: that term, in and of itself, is indeed exactly what Intercessor-class Nousfoni do in the System-- they "bridge the gap" between Upstairs and Downstairs, effectively.
Second: Jesus bridges the gap between Heaven and Earth in the same way-- He communicates God's Truth and Character to us below, and brings our prayers & offerings to God above-- BUT He doesn't just "do this intercession," He IS THE INTERCESSION!!
BOTH the Cross AND The Incarnation, united themselves, prove this Priestly Purpose, one NATIVE to Him AS united with the anointing Spirit in His very Being.
...

"God is not waiting to zap us, or point a judgmental finger at us. He is actually wanting us to approach His Throne of Grace with confidence, to receive the mercy He has waiting for us."
This is still so shocking to me. It's the exact opposite of what I was raised to believe about God. I don't think I actually had ANY true conception of this Truth until the past year or two. I just could not fathom God being this... this merciful, ironically. I had been taught that such gentleness, such willingness to forgive, was weakness and utterly unworthy OF God. Again, how ironic, seeing as how "weakness" is God's favorite canvas, even in us.
...


"It is essential to think about what Scripture is doing in our own heart, but it just as vital to contemplate how that effect should affect the way we treat others. Of course we want to receive God's forgiveness, but therefore we must also want to model that same type of forgiveness for others."
THIS is holy humility. Even our spiritual gifts & graces are given to us in order to serve & benefit others. We are members of Christ's Body; our faith CANNOT be solitary.
Also key is that word "WANT." It's not enough to "know we should" forgive. We must WANT to forgive, as ardently as we want to BE forgiven!
When grace is poured into our heart, it doesn't change us by "making us feel good," or "giving us consolation." That's not a change, that's an experience. We MUST be changed into CHANNELS of that grace we've been given, because it FLOWS, and if we just want to "take our share" and go our merry way, then God will justly "divert His spring" and we will be stuck with only our own stagnant pools. He WANTS us to share. It's not "our fountain"! It is HIS, and it is given for ALL PEOPLES. The minute we start feeling like we have a monopoly, we will lose what little we do have.
...

"This verse reveals a clear connection between rest and mercy and grace. We have to refuse worry and fear, and instead we have to come boldly to our High Priest, to our Intercessor, Who offers forgiveness, salvation, peace, and rest."
...Oh man this reminds me of that story I read many years ago and never forgot the heart of: it was about a man doing backbreaking labor for the sake of the Church and the Gospel, and often getting no physical rest. Someone asked him, how do you do it, with no opportunity to rest? And he replied, in essence, "I carry my rest with me always. My rest is a Person, and His Name is Jesus."
I never forgot it, because I never understood it, but wanted to. And now I can say that I do understand, at last.
Physical rest is important, and our body does need it, but it means nothing without the real essential-- spiritual rest. I can attest to this. You can sleep for days, you can lounge in the most comfortable chair for hours, you can take a month-long vacation just to "do nothing"-- but if your soul is not at rest, your body will NEVER be able to relax.
We need peace & quiet to properly rest, and sin utterly disrupts that on a soul level.
...

The prayer=
"God, please show me how to approach You with confidence. I know that You care for me. I know that You love me, but sometimes—I doubt my worthiness. Please replace my doubts with bold assurance that I belong to You, and You long to hear from me. Here I am—please help me."
The language here is tricky.
NO ONE is "worthy" to approach God, EVER, except Christ Jesus. We see this displayed to the extreme in Revelation.
But this inherent "unworthiness" we ALL have, simply because we are created and imperfect things, ALLOWS MERCY TO TRIUMPH.
Also, CHRIST IS OUR INTERCESSOR. Don't ever downplay the SHOCKING MAGNITUDE of that fact.
...
That last line is so powerful.
...

"What do you need to ask God to help you with today?
Boldness to share my testimony.
Wisdom to make a difficult decision.
Strength to stand against temptation."
You realize God WANTS us to ask for these things? And He WON'T glare at you for asking, or punish you for "needing TO ask"? He's not an exasperated human parent pushing self-reliance "so you get off His back."
...

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Saint Clare homily pushed at me again.
Focus was on the UNITY of the Church-- unity between literally churches, between human members, between the Pope and all clergy, between the global Church and Christ its Head, between family members in the "mini churches" of our homes... et cetera. We all worship the same Lord, we all obey the same Commandments, we all follow the same doctrines. HOWEVER this means that when there ARE small differences in the universal Church body, like between cultures & local customs in parishes, we DON'T CLAIM OUR OWN AS "DEFAULT"? We humbly choose to PRESERVE UNITY, although always in MORAL RIGHTEOUSNESS-- if there is no sin or scandal at risk, then we should set aside our own private preferences and opinions for the sake of being in common unity with our fellow Christian, for the sake of God Our Father.
...This all made me feel VERY STRONGLY about our SYSTEM.
We have, jarringly, been lacking complete unity. There are too many isolated Foni, the Subsystems don't communicate, there are a disturbing amount of conflicting wants & interests & goals & beliefs. Why are we still so shattered?
It's because we spent FIVE YEARS in posttraumatic shutdown, you realize, and we NEVER HEALED THE PROBLEMS WE HAD even BEFORE that happened.
We just... woke up for good in the hospital and forgot everything prior and we've been barely existing "as if everything is healed and normal," when all we did was bury the past alive. Of course we're shattered; that's the whole point of dissociative disorder!! If we won't FACE the truth TOGETHER, then we'll inevitably suppress it by breaking into blinded pieces and hiding those pieces from each other.
...You do realize we're still not actually awake. We're still too lost in amnesia & denial.
...


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The VOTD prayer was unexpectedly relevant to ARE too =
"God, following Jesus can be tough sometimes-- I don't always know what to do or what to say. But You didn't leave me to live for You on my own-- You sent help! Holy Spirit, please fill me with Your power and boldness today."
Being a Christian is this strange yet lovely paradox, this delicate dance of simultaneous helplessness & empowerment. I DON'T have any clue what to do or say to please God-- the only way I LEARN is BY SCRIPTURE, the knowledge of which enables me to to both hear & recognize the Holy Spirit AS the Holy Spirit, APPLYING those Words to my everyday life.
I never knew I had this Help when I was younger, not even when I was Confirmed. I was convinced, wrongly but sincerely, that because of my unworthiness and sin, the Holy Spirit had rejected me. I didn't have any Protestant "born again" sensation at my Confirmation and so I concluded that I "must not be a real Christian after all." I figured everyone else could ask for His help except me-- I wasn't part of the club; I was just an imposter, a wannabe, an outcast. And then meeting the Mormons in 2009 made it SO MUCH WORSE, culminating in the devastating claim that I had NEVER received the Holy Spirit to begin with, not even in Baptism!! And I BELIEVED IT. I absolutely believed it, with both gutwrenching terror and sick "relief" that I finally "had an explanation" as to "why I was so evil despite allegedly being a Christian." It felt like I had been suffering inexplicably for years and had just now received a stage 4 cancer diagnosis. "Ah, that explains it. Finally I know why." But it was fatal.
It was also FALSE.
...

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More Mallett. Focusing on him for now with both current events & schedule constraints.

"Perhaps you’ve noticed how similar New Age language is to that of Christian prophecy and mysticism in reference to coming times... We aim for a purified conscience; they aim for a “higher or altered state of consciousness.” Christians are called to be “born again” while new agers aim at being “rebirthed”. We speak about an era of unity in Christ, while they speak of an era of universal “oneness.”  In fact, the prayer of Jesus was that, through unity, we would come to a state of perfection as a witness to the world (John 17:21-23). Satan has promised a false “perfection” as well, primarily to those attempting to bring about this “new age” through the “hidden knowledge” of secret societies: Among the ancient Greeks, ‘the mysteries’ were religious rites and ceremonies practiced by secret societies into which any one who so desired might be received. Those who were initiated into these mysteries became possessors of certain knowledge, which was not imparted to the uninitiated, and were called ‘the perfected.’"
I'm pasting all that because it's EXACTLY WHAT "JADE" HAS BEEN SUBSCRIBING TO SINCE THEY STARTED THEIR DRUG TRIP.
1) The "altered consciousness" ALWAYS claiming that "there is no such thing as sin! Morality is relative!" and therefore that the "conscience" is "already pure," or even inherently so! This blindness to all POSSIBILITY of fault, this denial of sin as a reality whatsoever, shuts down the real conscience by passively dooming it to unrepentance.
2) I'm unfamiliar with "rebirthed" but I HAVE heard "REMADE" far too often, and that's worse.
3) Oneness vs unity
4) True & false perfection
...


"The economic, social, and political order as we know it is going to collapse. In its place will rise a “new order” founded on this “new spirituality” (which is actually rooted in those ancient “mysteries”— errant philosophies and paganism)... this “global government’ will respond not only to people’s cry for order among the chaos, but also to their spiritual cry. [But] this insidious spirituality... will lead not to freedom, but slavery— bondage to Antichrist and the dragon himself; [because] the ultimate goal of the dragon, and his puppet the Antichrist, is to lead mankind to worshiping him (Rev 13:4, 8 ): [just so, the] New Age shares with a number of internationally influential groups, the goal of superseding or transcending particular religions in order to create space for a universal religion which "could unite humanity". Closely related to this is a very concerted effort on the part of many institutions to invent a Global Ethic. This “Global Ethic” will attempt to blend cultural, political, and economical realities into one framework with a “universal religion” as its foundation. The heart of this spirituality is the “supreme Self”—me, myself, and I. As such, there really is no unity in mutual love but a False Unity based upon a false trinity: "Tolerant, Humane, and Equal." We are all gods trying to reach a “universal consciousness”: a harmony with one another, Mother Earth, and the “vibrations” or “energy” of the cosmos. We will reach this transcendent reality through a “paradigm shift” and “altered state of consciousness.” Since there is no personal God, there is no Judge, and therefore, no sin... It is clear, then, that Christianity and her indissoluble moral codes stand as a formidable obstacle to this counter spirituality."
...this is so explicitly obvious it's unreal. My head is spinning.
MY ENTIRE FAMILY BELIEVES AND WANTS THIS LIE.
It even has WORD FOR WORD hat ugly and demonic phrase my brother parrots constantly= "we are all gods," etc.!!
But THE IMPLICATIONS!!!!! Oh man I could never quite put into words WHY that self-deifying mindset disturbed me so much. IT'S BECAUSE IF "WE'RE ALL GODS," THEN THERE IS NO GREATER GOOD, and if we're not held to any standard or Law higher than our selves-- if we define our OWN personal Truth-- then due to this amoral atmosphere, THERE'S "NO SIN." But then there's also NO SANCTITY, and therefore NO REAL HEAVEN, so what the heck is your "transcendent reality" even about???
You claim that the "only thing EVERYONE can worship is the SELF," making humanity into "little gods" whose ultimate common transcendent goal is "self-improvement" and maintaining "high vibrations" and such things, therefore focusing ALL effort and achievement ON SELF... but then if everyone is a "deity" worshipping in its own temple, then how is there unity?? How is there community?? How is there love??

Oh boy I can't be commenting on this, I'll get even more confused. I just need to READ and PAY ATTENTION.

...We're very convicted, though, and just as deeply grateful for the humiliation. We have been VERY GUILTY of falling for these luciferean tricks. Yet, God never let go of our heart, which is a miracle. He never stopped leading us back to the Truth, irresistibly so, even if we couldn't see Him working whatsoever. His Love was like gravity itself. It still is.

The "gender issues," the seeking of "altered states," the hyperfocus on our own egodrama... we're all so guilty. Thank God we see our errors now, by the grace of God. Just, please, Lord God Almighty, don't EVER let us be tricked again.

One last thing I legitimately HATE about the "newage" movement, ESPECIALLY since it FOOLED ME back around 2011--

"When it is consciously received by men and women, “divine energy” is often described as “Christic energy”. There is also talk of Christ, but this does not mean Jesus of Nazareth. “Christ” is a title applied to someone who has arrived at a state of consciousness where he or she perceives him- or herself to be divine and can thus claim to be a “universal Master”. Jesus of Nazareth was not the Christ, but simply one among many historical figures in whom this “Christic” nature is revealed, as is the case with Buddha and others. Every historical realisation of the Christ shows clearly that all human beings are heavenly and divine, and leads them towards this realisation. The innermost and most personal (“psychic”) level on which this “divine cosmic energy” is “heard” by human beings is also called “Holy Spirit”."
DO YOU SEE HOW SERPENTINE THIS HIDDEN HERESY IS???
...

"this New Age counterfeit is not true repentance, but a false worship... [The Illumination] will be explained away in the most deceptive terms as a universal awakening of the “Christ within”... a “universal consciousness” being awakened, a global paradigm shift creating an opportunity for all humanity to achieve their potential of being a god."


On THAT NOTE--

"Our understanding of anger is generally flawed. We tend to think of it as an eruption of temper or rage, tending to emotional or physical violence. And even when we see it in its justified forms it makes us somewhat fearful. Nevertheless, we do admit that there is room for just anger: when we see an injustice committed, we too become angry. Why then do we permit ourselves to feel justly angry, and yet do not permit this of God in whose image we are created? ...God is slow to anger and rich in mercy. But that’s exactly the point. He is slow to anger, but eventually, He can and does become angry. The reason is that Justice demands it... God’s response is one of patience, one of mercy, one that willingly overlooks the sin so as to embrace and heal the sinner. If he does not repent, does not accept this gift, then the Father must discipline this child. This too is an act of love. What good surgeon allows the cancer to grow so as to spare the patient the knife?"
GOD'S ANGER IS JUST AND IT IS DIRECTLY TIED TO MERCY.
...


"Jesus has freely taken the punishment for sin that is due us. Our free response is to accept this gift BY confessing our sin, repenting of it, and obeying His commandments. That is, one cannot say He believes in Jesus if His life is lived in opposition to Him. To reject this gift is to remain under the judgment pronounced in Eden: separation from Paradise. This is the wrath of God."
I just realized-- in order for Jesus’s "taking OUR punishment" TO apply to us, we need to LEGALLY ADMIT OUR GUILT. If we deny that we are under the Law, if we deny that we have any debt, if we deny that we have been sentenced to death-- if we refuse to "own" our sins AND their due wages-- death-- Jesus cannot "legally" pay them off. To give a poor analogy-- It's like if your car was totaled and Jesus offered to pay off the insurance, clear your record, and give you a new car, for free-- all of which He VISIBLY offered proof of having already prepared for you, showing it was as good as done except for your signature, as it were-- but despite His proofs, your injuries and insurance papers you kept insisting, "that's not my car! I've never been in an accident, you insult my driving skill," etc. It's insanity. But we foolish sinners do that with the Cross.
...