102323

[prismaticbleed]

 
THE BUSY MORNING!
God MIRACULOUSLY got us through. HE HEARS OUR PRAYERS.

------‐--------------------------------------------------------------------------

VOTD = "THE UNION OF HEAVEN AND EARTH IS WHAT THE STORY OF THE BIBLE IS ALL ABOUT-- how they were once FULLY UNITED and then driven apart, and about how God IS bringing them back together once again."
In Eden, Heaven & Earth were COMPLETELY OVERLAPPING. God & humanity lived TOGETHER, perfectly, with NO separation, and humankind "partnered WITH GOD" to build a beautiful world. But we wanted to do things our own way, without God's input or control? We CHOSE TO SEPARATE??? And the earth became separated from God just as we were as its stewards? BACE talks about this. BUT the point is that THIS SEPARATION EVEN OF "SPACE" IS UNNATURAL.
⭐Key overlap spaces = TEMPLES!!! Because GOD'S PRESENCE IS THERE. They were decorated with gold & jewels & images of fruit & flowers, designed to "Make you feel like you're going back to the garden"!!!
Animal sacrifices were described very loosely in the VOTD movie; basically they said the pure animals "absorbed some of the sin" in our worldly space, to the effect of "clearing a spot" where Heaven and earth COULD unite, in the Temple. Otherwise, heaven is too holy and earth too sinful for ANY unity to happen anymore. The innocent blood of the sacrificial lambs "burned away" enough of the sin in that earthly place AND IN THAT HUMAN? so to speak, for Both to be CAPABLE of uniting with Heaven, for God's Holy Presence TO be accessible BY MAN once again.
⭐JESUS IS A LIVING TEMPLE in this exact way. He IS the unity of God & humanity. BUT "what's interesting about Jesus is that He's not staying in this safe, clean space. He's running around, hanging out with sinners.  He's healing people of their sicknesses and forgiving people of their sins. He's basically creating little pockets of Heaven, where people can be in God's Presence, but He's doing it OUT THERE, in the middle of the world of sin & death." He keeps telling everyone that "the Kingdom of Heaven is AT HAND"!" 
BUT Jesus is not just the Temple, He is ALSO THE SACRIFICE. "The Cross is now the place where Jesus absorbs sin, to create a clean space that is not limited like animal sacrifices.  Jesus's sacrifice has the power to keep spreading & spreading and reuniting more & more of Heaven and earth." "The focus of the Bible is on how Heaven and earth ARE being reunited THROUGH JESUS and will be completely brought together one day when He returns."
ALSO "In the Book of Revelation we get this beautiful image of the Garden of Eden, NOW IN THE FORM OF A CITY, coming to end the age of sin and death by redeeming all of human history in a renewed Creation, and God's space & human space completely overlap once again."

Oh man the written reflection SLAMS in light of current global events =
"When violence breaks out, we automatically hope for safety. Similarly, when we experience suffering and ongoing corruption in our world, we often hope for an "escape to Heaven" where we can rest in peace after we die. But what if such hope is misplaced? What if Jesus teaches us to rest in peace right now, while we're alive, and to hope for God's promised reality of a renewed Earth more than for a divine escape plan? The New Testament does offer a few ambiguous ideas about people Joining God in heavenly paradise after death, but those are not the Bible's focus. From start (Genesis) to finish (Revelation), Scripture tells a story about God uniting Heaven and Earth together into one beautiful world, where all the goodness of his Kingdom is the same on Earth as it is in the skies. Ours is an escape from death and corruption in our world, not from our world itself. Like God's heavenly realm, His renewed creation will be free from death and decay, filled with endless provision and love between all living creatures. Jesus prays to the Father: "Your kingdom come, Your Will be done, on earth as it is in heaven” (Matt. 6:10). He is not generally teaching people to hope for an escape to somewhere better; He's specifically teaching us to hope for God's PROMISED renewal of all things. By hoping this way, we learn to love and bless people more than avoiding or judging them. We learn to care for God's world rather than to abandon it. Our desire for God's promised renewal becomes real living hope, and that moves us toward resting in peace right now, here in our world that God IS renewing."
Once again, CHECKMATE, GNOSTICISM.
But oh man, I was NOT taught this growing up, OR as an adult. I legitimately subscribed to that fatalistic "hope" of destruction, figuring it "didn't matter what happened to this fallen world because God is going to burn it up one day anyway." Seriously. I actually used to LOOK FORWARD to everything being "Divinely razed and reset." I saw the world as so corrupt, "renewal" was not just impossible, but deplorable in its "injustice". Such an evil place DESERVED to be utterly annihilated. To "simply paint over the scum" would be an insult to goodness itself.
You see why I have historically treated myself so mercilessly. Same exact mindset. It's because even as a child I never learned about Jesus, not properly. I was told He "died for my sins" but "it SHOULD'VE been me" and apparently "God was mad at me" STILL despite the Cross, because I was "such a bad girl" He had "left me for the devil," etc. When someone told me that "Jesus loved me," I just figured it was the same kind of love my family had, the only love I knew-- it's there as long as you make them happy, but the instant you slip, they hate you. Oh, and you "never loved THEM, either, since you did a bad thing." The ONLY way to be "restored" to favor, to be lovable again, was to submit to punishment: to beatings and forced prayer and loss of possessions, sometimes permanently. But those razor-sharp eggshells remained all over the ground. Et cetera. I'm off topic.
The point is= even my grandma would often gleefully celebrate when a thunderstorm rolled in, hoping it would "tear the house down as punishment for you bad kids." I began to mentally connect "destruction" and "absolution." In my daily life I basically coped with problems and frustrations by crushing them and pulverizing myself. Nothing was healed or dealt with or discussed or forgiven. Nothing was renewed or restored. Despite grandpa duct-taping every disaster into a semblance of function, the upkeep was exhausting and elaborate, and always with the understanding that the slightest wrong move would break the busted thing again. It was actually a relief when something failed so completely beyond hope that it HAD to be thrown out, so we could have something new and clean and functional, instead of an irredeemable shambles. I saw myself exactly the same way.
I literally thought death and violence were the answer.
...
There's too much here, and its too important, to attempt to type on a phone about it. Mark this for the laptop, line by line.
(It actually ties into yesterday's ttywpf reflection too, about nature. I didn't type on that either yet, which is good-- this will enrich my response.)

Oh but LISTEN TO THE QUESTIONS =
"How does God's work of reuniting Heaven and Earth give you hope?
1) Hoping for Earth’s renewal helps me love God's world and everyone in it. God ISN'T throwing His creation away; He's making all things new.
2) It sparks strong hope in the way of Jesus, and with that hope, a deeper desire to generously forgive, bless, and love all people.
3) Hoping for Heaven and Earth to reunite helps me focus on the present. I'm not waiting to escape later; I’m hoping for new life, today."
This all hurts so much. Thank God. I've been praying for a true sword of sorrow like this, to reveal where I'm wounded the most.
I am a coward. I'm running away from life. I'm escaping because I'm afraid. I'm afraid because I see no future. I genuinely fear God IS going to throw it all away and I'll be first on the bonfire. I'm terrified that there is no hope for me-- there is no new life possible for a soul so sunk in sin.
And yet... I'm out of the hospital. The bulimia is in remission. Julie has converted. CNC is over forever. I'm LITERALLY BEING RENEWED RIGHT NOW. God HAS BEEN restoring my soul to health EVERY DAY for MONTHS if not YEARS, and am I so blind to it???
...
...


Guided prayer is strikingly in tune with this actually =
"Father God, I recognize that lack of trust is ultimately a sign of pride, and so I ask You to uproot it. Remove the behaviors and thought patterns that prevent me from recognizing and doing Your will. Change the way I think and act so that way I CAN take part in building Your Kingdom. In Jesus’ name, Amen."
...
My first question = if a lack of trust is pride, and MY lack of trust is drenched in fear & anxiety, am I somehow actually TAKING PRIDE in that very fear???
Have I somehow actually rooted this asinine "identity" INTO fear?? It sure feels like it. This post-ED, "female" self-attempt is terribly unhealthy emotionally, chronically miserable & self-pitying and prone to play the "girl card" as "justification" for being "weak & emotional & inept." WE WERE NEVER LIKE THIS BEFORE, ESPECIALLY NOT AS A CHILD!!! What the shark is going on here???
Nevertheless, that's not the direct topic. Our real question is= what is the root of our  pride, that is fueling distrust and fear?
As for what, particularly, is preventing us from building God's Kingdom... well, reread the VOTD. We just defined that very Kingdom of Heaven, in "stark contrast" to this earthly kingdom, and outlined the reason WHY they're separated currently.
We also explained why we have, until very recently, seen that "currently" as "permanently"-- at least, until Armageddon, that is.
...
...
Another bit, from Clarke: "[They prayed that Christ's] Kingdom might come, in the light and knowledge of it, and in the power and efficacy of it."
Considering this prayer, it suggests that "the way I think and act" is often at odds with the coming of the Kingdom, as those wrongful ways prevent me from building it. Put together, this implies that I lack knowledge of the Kingdom, and have not truly seen its light, because otherwise its efficacious power WOULD be working IN my thoughts and actions. Before I CAN help build the Kingdom, I NEED TO KNOW WHAT I'M BUILDING, and I can only "get those blueprints" FROM JESUS. He IS the Light, He IS the King! So, the bottom line is... I don't have enough knowledge of Jesus. Therefore, I cannot recognize or do His Will-- which is to help Him bring about His Kingdom of salvation and Truth and Love.
...I don't know Him enough because I don't trust Him enough, and I don't trust Him enough because I'm TOO PROUD. That's the chain of events outlined in that prayer.
It's terrifying, and disturbing. Where is pride still reigning?? It's hiding far too well. I WANT to know Jesus, I WANT to grow close to Him-- so what on earth is this FEAR??? It makes no bloody sense. Why am I so scared to death of ALL relationships?? I assume I will be abused or used. Is THAT the pride?? Do I think I'm "better without others"??? OR is that pride ACTUALLY evidenced in my "seeking a relationship" on MY OWN terms, and FOR SELF-BENEFIT??? I "want a girlfriend" for ME to love; I don't even consider that the girl in question might want to reciprocate!! Then I would BAIL, like I did in CNC. Strange how pride and self-hatred have the same egocentric roots, but they do.
...

------‐--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Matthew Henry Commentary moving slowly but still moving. Verse 15.

"Though Christ comes [into His Kingdom] but slowly (an ass is slow-paced), yet He comes surely, and with such expressions of humility and condescension as greatly encourage the addresses and expectations of His loyal subjects. Humble supplicants may reach to speak with Him."
The amount of compassion and mercy here is amazing. Jesus is indeed the rightful King and Lord of EVERY heart, but He will never barge in, or force the gates open, or even make a fuss about shoeing up. He brings no cavalry, no parade, nothing to threaten or impose or aggress. He never flaunts His rights, even as God!! No, He shows up as a man, like us, humbly and quietly riding on a donkey, completely nonthreatening, and seated low and plainly enough to reach out and touch.
...


"In the prophecy, Zion is told to rejoice greatly, and to shout, but here it is rendered, Fear not. Unbelieving fears are enemies to spiritual joys; if they be cured, if they be conquered, joy will come of course; Christ comes to His people to silence their fears. If the case be so that we cannot reach to the exultations of joy, yet we should labour to get from under the oppressions of fear. Rejoice greatly; at least, fear not."
This is a POINT-BLANK SHOT.
How many years now have I been lamenting my loss of joy? How long have I been haunted by the religious terror my very bones seem to have absorbed? And the two are INTRINSICALLY CONNECTED???
I mean, now that it's in front of me on paper, it makes so much obvious sense, but... I'm still reeling. This has MASSIVE implications across the board.
...


"It well becomes the disciples of Christ, when they are grown up to maturity in knowledge, frequently to reflect upon the follies and weaknesses of their first beginning, that free grace may have the glory of their proficiency, and they may have compassion on the ignorant."
It's ALL the Work of God. NOTHING in my spiritual growth journey has actually been of my own doing. I had no skill, no strength, no sense! I had no power or prudence or peace. I was an addicted, abusive, amoral abomination. When God found me, I was bloody and naked and thrown out like the trash, unloved and unlovable... but He saw me-- He saw me-- and told me to live. And His Word alone was what gave me the very life I needed to stand up, and breathe, and stagger on, with some small strange and precious spark of hope now fluttering in my shriveled heart.
...
God took me in. I am alive, now. I made it through the torture of my prematurity, as it were, incubated in grace despite all odds.
...
Looking back... it's so obviously His Work, every thread, every speck of paint.
...


"Such an admirable harmony there is between the word and works of God that the remembrance of what is written will enable us to understand what is done, and the observation of what is done will help us to understand what is written. As we have heard, so have we seen. The scripture is every day fulfilling."
It's "living and active" FOREVER. This changes the whole way we live by it! It isn't just "good advice" or historical education. It's REALLY APPLICABLE RIGHT NOW, BECAUSE IT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW. Not describing a possibility, not similar in past circumstances. The Scripture is ALWAYS RIGHT NOW, because SO IS GOD. Like Him, it is forever-- always complete, yet always growing in fulfillment. "Both/and."
...


"Many a good sermon Christ had preached in Jerusalem, which drew not such crowds after Him as this one miracle did. But... this miracle was reserved for one of the last, that it might confirm those which went before, and might gain Him this honour just before His sufferings; Christ's works were all not only well done but well timed."
This is relevant to His miracles in our life, too. He starts small, almost imperceptibly, and builds up a growing awareness of God working in a life that did not know Him... by this gentle gradual revelation of care, a natural trust is forged, even unawares. In time, He works greater miracles, as the heart is more pliable towards Him.
In the end, even during a crisis of faith, Christ works the most spectacular miracle-- and suddenly you KNOW it's Him, you KNOW this is God working in your life, and everything up to that point unexpectedly shines with a new and amazing light.
I'm being too vague. Third person hypothetical language prevents honesty, you know.
...


"We must thankfully use the privileges we have, though there may be others from which we are shut out."
Ah, this hits deep, as someone who is still coming to terms with the fact that I actually cannot be a nun after all.
But this actually applies far further than explicit vocation.
...


"Having a desire to see Christ, these Greeks were industrious in the use of proper means. They did not conclude it impossible to get to speak with Him, just because He was so much crowded, nor did they rest in bare wishes, but resolved to try what could be done... those that would have the knowledge of Christ must seek it."
THAT'S hunger for Truth, hunger for God. Just thinking about food won't feed you. When you feel your soul starving, you must be zealous.
...

"It was an instance of the veneration the Greeks had for Christ that they made an interest with one of his disciples for an opportunity to converse with Him, [instead of presuming to approach Christ directly]-- a sign that they looked upon Him as some great one, though he appeared [common and poor]. Those that would see Jesus by faith now that He is in heaven must apply to His ministers, whom He had appointed for this purpose, to guide poor souls in their enquiries after Him."
Another check against spiritual pride, and a proof of essential Christian community!
It also REALLY DIGNIFIES PRIESTS.
...
So many popular "religions" in today's world do presume to "approach God directly," assuming that they have the RIGHT and POWER to do so, as if they were His equal! And that's the entire problem. Pride is rampant in the hearts of modern men. As secular thought prevails and God is ignored, humanity rises to take His position, claiming His Power and Knowledge as their own, ignorant of their mortal limits. What fools we have become.
...

"Their business is, they would see Jesus; not only see His Face... but they would have some free conversation with Him, and be taught by Him... In our attendance upon holy ordinances, and particularly the gospel passover [of the Mass], the great desire of our souls should be to see Jesus; to have our acquaintance with Him increased, our dependence on Him encouraged, our conformity to Him carried on; to see Him as ours, to keep up communion with Him, and derive communications of grace from Him: we miss of our end in coming if we do not see Jesus."
Oh wow this is richly beautiful, and VERY relevant to the actual desires of my heart lately. I should take it point by point.
What does it mean, to truly see Jesus?
1. We must, at the very least, see His Face.
2. We must have "free conversation with Him." This is actually done best in Adoration.
3. We must "be taught by Him" in our conversations. We cannot just talk; we must dialogue. We must listen, and hear.
4. We must "increase our acquaintance with Him." Our goal must BE relationship, not mere study or curiosity or duty.
5. We must "encourage our dependence on Him." This happens naturally, i think, when we spend more time with Him-- we realize through experience how perfectly trustworthy He is, and how absolutely helpless we are without Him.
6.
7.
8.


"Christ's ministers should be helpful to one another and concur in helping souls to Christ: Two are better than one. It should seem that Andrew and Philip brought this message to Christ when He was teaching in public, for we read of the people that stood by; but He was seldom alone."
All this together really struck me. Christ's Church, His Body, is a community... the Trinity Theirself is a Relationship... why then do we always imagine Christ standing alone? He was never aloof. From His very Birth He was surrounded by family and neighbors, disciples and crowds,
Do we not realize that He is standing with us too?
In the Tabernacle, He yearns for company.
...
We, too, as Christians, cannot live alone.
...