upmc: common addictions

[prismaticbleed]

★You are ADDICTED when you are unable to stop a behavior pattern or use of substances, despite negative consequences and despite your best efforts to stop.★

(we were shocked at just HOW MANY OF THESE we have had. posting them here for brutal honesty's sake, and so we NEVER GO BACK.)


+ SEEKING A "HIGH"; COPING WITH SENSORY DEPRIVATION
+ "ADRENALINE RUSH" through PUSHING FEAR???
+ THESE ARE BROKEN/ MALADAPTIVE SURVIVAL MECHANISMS!!! "do the best YOU CAN with WHATEVER you have; WHATEVER IT TAKES" = "it WORKED once, to GET ME THROUGH something terrible"


    • ALCOHOL
      + ALMOST (potential). Runs in family. CNC was a huge environmental risk. Arguably our obsession with altar wine could fit this, if we aren't careful.

    • ATTENTION SEEKING
      +

    • AVOIDING (personal interaction)
      +

    • BULIMIA
      + Blatantly so.

    • COFFEE
      + ALMOST (potential). Runs in family, "caffeine drug" essentially. Remember the Godot days too.

    • COLLECTING ART
      + Digital files, thousands of them. Also remember whoever spent TONS of money buying astrima's art, and commissions from everyone they could find. We don't regret the results, but still, it was almost compulsive.

    • COLLECTING BOOKS
      + Religious ones; we have SHELVES full. We avoid thrift store bookshelves now for this reason. The main thriskefoni girl in the past is infamous for this; we donated literal boxes full to the local convent when we left the hospital. We don't know WHERE or HOW she got them all.

    • COLLECTING CLOTHES
      + Arguably; based on "fear of lack" from family upbringing.

    • COLLECTING MUSIC
      + Spotify is proof. In the old days (Spinny era?), young foni would buy albums almost on a whim, from either FYE or eBay, trying to discover new stuff. Again, a sad amount of cash went towards this.

    • COLLECTING OTHER (Celebi/ Chaos 0/ Unicorns/ Care Bears)
      + HUNDREDS of dollars went into this over the years. We admittedly miss these collections, as they were impelled by affection, but the physical superfluity of the object hoarding defeated their ultimate purpose.

    • COMPUTERS
      + Started around 2000, then the Spinny years (2004+) really sank this deep.

    • DIETING
      + Ties into avoidant rules/ obsessions

    • DRUGS
      + ALMOST. Jade tried to rope us in many times. Nevertheless, we DO have a "panic addiction" to allergy meds, in the sense of "if I DON'T take it I WILL DIE"

    • FOOD: CARBS
      + Oatmeal, obviously

    • FOOD: OTHER
      + Vegetables, oils, and eggs, to INSANE extents. Some insane nights we'd eat two cartons of eggs, up to twenty bags of broccoli, a whole bottle of olive oil, etc. All of that was the eating disorder, true, BUT the fact that we "NEEDED" those particular foods was a unique addictive aspect.

    • GAMBLING
      + Mentally, and on old petsites. Not sure why this is so strong, but it is. We tread very carefully with it now.

    • GOSSIPING?
      + "Need to know" lies vs truth; OPPOSE?

    • IMAGINING/ FANTASIZING
      + HIGH SCHOOL. This is "maladaptive daydreaming" apparently. But Jewel did this for HOURS, EVERY SINGLE NIGHT.

    • INTERNET
      + Even research! We "can't stop until we find ___," or the like; in truth we feel that we can't stop at all, and make "excuses" to keep going? Feels out of control, helpless, MANDATORY even.

    • INTERNET GAMES
      + AYWAS, and originally NEOPETS (~2002)

    • KLEPTOMANIA
      + Especially in childhood. We used to have this "push" mindset that, if we went somewhere new or special, we had to take something. It was a weird sort of affection gone wrong. Remember how we would take things from AAA all the time because we didn't know how else to express our feelings, BUT the feeling memory IS "addictive"; we "had to" do it, even when we were scared of getting in trouble or getting caught.

    • LYING
      + We wonder if we aren't a bit of a "compulsive liar," because we find we "instinctively" hide or bend the truth even though we do not want to. It feels "forced," in that panicked "kneejerk" way.

    • PORNOGRAPHY
      + Torture porn was the worst one.

    • RISKY BEHAVIORS
      + VERY MUCH SO in college, with that "compulsive" bent to them. Cannon was always flirting with death & danger it seemed, but not casually so-- it was like, if she saw/knew there was an opportunity TO do something potentially harmful or dangerous, she "HAD TO" do it.

    • SELF-MUTILATION
      + It really was/is an addiction on some level.

    • SEX
      + ABUSIVELY so. These were the Julie days.

    • SHOPPING
      + Even groceries, especially with the eating disorder in full swing. If we couldn't shop we would literally have meltdowns.

    • SLEEPING
      + Not sure if this is "addictive," or just massive fatigue/ depression. Feel it out.

    • SMARTPHONE APPS
      + Even the Bible app! They feel like "bubbles" we get stuck in and cannot quit. "All or nothing" mindset.

    • SMOKING
      + POTENTIAL. I don't know why but I can feel it. If we started, we might not stop. This runs big-time in the family too.

    • SOCIAL NETWORKING
      + Tumblr.

    • SPEED
      + Arguably so, tied to mania & anxiety.

    • SPIRITUAL PRACTICES
      + OBVIOUSLY.

    • SPORTS: BIKING
      + We have a history of biking for like 3-5 hours some nights, especially during college. We couldn't stop and didn't want to.

    • SPORTS: RUNNING
      + This was very addictive in terms of the "high," too.

    • SPORTS: WEIGHTLIFTING
      + Arguably so, during high school. We would carry weights and lift them even while eating or watching TV; not doing so made us panic.

    • TELEVISION
      + Remember the CNC marathons, and childhood "VHS nights."

    • VIDEOS
      + Remember the Chizu week! Once we get "into a groove" we feel OBLIGATED to continue it! We were ordering so many DVDs from the library we wanted to cry, but we "couldn't stop."

    • VIDEO GAMES
      + CHILDHOOD. Honestly we LIVED on video games, ESPECIALLY POKEMON.

    • WORKING
      + EVEN THE LEAGUE & ARCHIVES.

    • OTHER: MENTAL ILLNESS?
      + Arguably we are addicted to our symptoms on some level??